Frances Shani Parker, eldercare consultant and Detroit, Michigan author of Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes, writes this blog. Topics include eldercare, hospice, nursing homes, caregiving, dementia, death, bereavement, and older adults in general. News, practices, research, poems, stories, interviews, and videos are used often. In the top right column, you can search for various topics of interest to you. You can also subscribe to this blog or follow it by email.
Although unique funerals
continue to increase in popularity, cremation is definitely in the mainstream
these days as a method of body disposal. People are finding interesting ways to
dispose ashes or cremains of loved ones.
Traditionally, cremains are
often stored by families who keep them in urns and other containers that vary
in their uniqueness. These may include vases with pedestals or even
personalized teddy bears with hidden pouches. Teddy bears can be sewn from the
deceased person’s clothes. Among other uses, cremains are being used in
jewelry, shotgun shells, and fireworks. In terms of destinations, cremains can
be stored in cemetery plots, mausoleum, or scattered in a garden or body of
water. For $5,300 cremains can be sent aloft into outer space, while $13,000
can send them into luna orbit.
One research study on
cremation focused on how 87 people described their experiences with cremation,
cremains disposal, and rituals regardingtheir deceased loved ones. How did they view the experience? They felt
the experiences were positive. Most research participants preferred to be
cremated and honored through nontraditional rituals themselves.
With so many choices
available, people should make plans in advance regarding disposal of their
cremains if they choose to be cremated. In this video titled Scattering
Parents’ Ashes, a daughter fulfills
her deceased parents’ dream of world travel. View the unusual way she
accomplishes this that includes many other people. If you choose to be
cremated, what would you want to happen to your cremains after death?
Miss Ruby with Hospice Volunteer Frances Shani Parker
You’re a hospice-palliative
care volunteer coordinator with a volunteer quota you’re always striving to
maintain.Can secrets to keeping
them be found in this research reported in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care?
In this
study, the 33-item Volunteer Retention Questionnaire was
used to determine what really motivates volunteers to keep doing this work that
baffled onlookers often tell us must be depressing. (If they only knew how much we enjoy it!) With responses from 119 hospice-palliative care
volunteers from three community-based hospice programs, these were the results
of how volunteers rated the importance of items in their decisions to keep on
volunteering:
1)First and foremost, they enjoyed the
work itself. (Imagine that!)
2)They felt adequately prepared/trained to
perform their duties. (Coordinators, you’re doing a good job here!)
3)They learned from their patients’ experiences and from
listening to their stories. (Remember listen and learn?)
An interesting result is that
being recognized (service pins, newsletters, etc.), volunteer coordinator phone
calls and cards, and reimbursement for out-of-pocket expenses were among the
lowest rated in retention importance. Personally, I think this
speaks to the sincere and giving nature of volunteers, but these should still
continue on some level. Praise is still a big motivator.
Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban
Nursing Homes is available in paperback at
many booksellers in America and other countries and in e-book form at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.
Although many caregivers are
actively involved in patient care for a considerable amount of time, they may
not be confident or knowledgeable sometimes about the specifics of caring for
someone else while maintaining their own quality of life. In addition, thoughts
of preparing for a loved one’s death and their own future bereavement after the
loved one dies often lurk in the background of their daily living.
Healthcare providers can be a great source of support and information for
caregivers in terms of confidence building and advisement.
The National Family
Caregivers Association shares the following four-point message of advice for
caregivers:
1)Believe in yourself.
2)Protect your health.
3)Reach out for help.
4)Speak up for your rights.
Frances Shani Parker,
Author
Becoming
Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book
form at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.
New Grandparents Mitch and Lonnetta White with Amelia
Becoming
grandparents for the first time can be quite spectacular, especially for older
adults. My friends Lonnetta and Mitch White recently began this wonderful
journey just in time for Grandparents Day on September 9th. Their contagious
excitement over the birth of "Miss Amelia" prompted me to feature
them on this blog. Not surprisingly, they were eager to share their pride,
joys, concerns, and expectations in this interview.
1) What were your thoughts as you anticipated the arrival of your first
grandchild?
Lonnetta
I have/had feelings
of extreme happiness, joy, and excitement!
My thoughts were
fantasies of how wonderful it is going to be to love and spoil a grandchild the
way I was loved and spoiled by my paternal grandmother.
Mitch
I remembered the
anticipated arrival of my son.Of
course, in those days we didn’t know if we were having a girl or boy. The
imaging technology simply hadn’t gotten that far. But I was there in the
delivery room and had the privilege of seeing Amelia when she emerged from the
delivery room. What a wonderful opportunity!
2) How
did you feel during the first days after Amelia was born?
Lonnetta
I felt proud and on
top of the world. I was also pleased that she was FINALLY here healthy and
absolutely gorgeous! I felt blessed to see, hold, kiss, cuddle, and in all ways
experience my granddaughter.
Mitch
I was elated, in wonder of
this child who came here with her eyes wide open.
3) What do you love most about this new chapter in you life?
Lonnetta
Life is good! Optimism is a constant companion and more easily accessible. My existence
has given me a new lens through which I view the world. Every time I think of
her I find myself smiling!
Mitch
She’s been here
before!
4) Grandparents are an important influence in their grandchildren’s lives. How
does Amelia influence your life?
Lonnetta
I brag incessantly.
I now have a subscription to a magazine on parenting. In addition, I read
all articles about babies and parenting. I want to do all that I can to help
her to be the best at whatever it is she wants to be.
Mitch
I am the proud
grandpa who never loses an occasion to show the latest picture or video of
Amelia. She’s the most observant child I have ever seen. I just want to
be called Grampa, not Grandpa, but simply Grampa.
8)What advice do you have for other
grandparents in making their grandparent journey
successful?
Lonnetta
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE
your precious little ones! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Encourage and support them
in their endeavors to become happy, successful adults.
Mitch
I’m too early in
this wonderful adventure to offer advice to others, but I do know that,
whether you’re raising a child or supporting your grandchildren, it’s extremely
important to show them love by attending to their needs, teaching them to
share, and helping them to grow beyond themselves. Right now, Amelia is understandably
egocentric. The world is her oyster. Getting her in another structured
environment is the next step towards preparing her to interact with the
world. She’ll be ready sooner than we think. She’s been here
before.
Lonnetta and Mitch, thank you so much for
your insightful responses to these questions on grandparenting. Happy Grandparents Day! Of course, our
interview would not be complete without Amelia having her say. Welcome to the world, Amelia!
Another Wonderful Grandchild! Welcome to the World, Emory!
Mitch
Emory's parents (Angie and Pops (Mitch, II) told us of the probable arrival of a new child in June 2015 while we were helping Miss Amelia celebrate her third birthday. We were all extremely excited. But I am Old School and did not want to know the sex of the new baby until Angie gave birth. I felt the same way when she was pregnant with Amelia. Someone let the secret out.
We wanted to be there at her birth just as we were when Amelia was born. But another set of grandparents who were not there when Amelia was born had their turn. Lonnetta and I were introduced to Emory when she was two weeks old by Amelia. It was very clear that Amelia was Emory's big sister. We witnessed the beginning of a bond that only gets stronger (in spite of the occasional sister tugs of war).
Lonnetta
I was surprised to learn that our daughter-in-law was pregnant and happy to know that another grandchild was on the way. Since becoming Nana (my first choice was Granny), I am consumed with a desire to nurture, please and satisfy. Becoming Emory's grandparent is a blessing. It is another opportunity to witness and contribute to the
existence, development and maturation of a very special individual.
Looking at Emory after she was born, I already knew I would do all I can to encourage her to be a proactive person who cares about improving society. I could already dream of her success in whatever field she chooses. I knew then that I wanted her to be a confident, independent and successful young woman. Emory's birth affirmed once again that children are God's gift to us. The miracle of meeting Emory was breathtaking.
