Asexuality Matters (Research, Video 3:42)

I have written about asexuality several times on this blog as part of my efforts to feature people who are marginalized in society and in need of more support and understanding. For those who are not familiar with the term, asexuality refers to people who intrinsically have never had any interest in sex or sexual attraction to others. Asexuality, particularly regarding older adults, has only become scientifically researched as a sexual orientation in recent years. Research on asexuality concludes asexuality meets conditions for a sexual orientation. 

Like many in the LGBT population, asexuals  have unique issues adjusting to a predominantly heterosexual and sex-oriented society. Some have the need to “come out of the closet” and explain their identity in order for others to understand them better. Others may feel ashamed, isolated, or confused because they are different from the standard that society conveys as normal sexuality. They are a diverse community with people experiencing relationships in various ways. For example, some may have close relationships with sexual or asexual partners, although the asexual partners have no sexual attraction. Emotional and romantic attractions are not the same as sexual attraction.

Asexual older adults have more difficulty finding resources and supportive groups where they can share their concerns in an accepting environment. Fortunately, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) hosts the world's largest online asexual community and a large archive of resources on asexuality that can benefit anyone interested in this topic. 

Asexuals make up 1% of the adult population on earth. That's over seven billion people. The Asexuality Identification Scale (AIS) is a brief online questionnaire devised with the intention of "diagnosing" if a person is asexual or not. 

In following video, Dr. Jeff Daly, a psychologist explains what asexuality is and isn’t.

You can view another blog post of mine on asexuality that includes research on biological markers of asexuals and a video featuring Dan Savage, sex columnist, with asexuals sharing their experiences here.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Symptoms, Treatment (Research, Video 3:56)

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can often go undiagnosed because people are not aware of the symptoms or do not know that treatment is available. Veterans are often associated with this disorder because of the trauma many experience while serving the country. One of my hospice patients, a Viet Nam veteran, described his symptoms to me with these words:

“I’ve seen and done things you couldn’t imagine. Some of them were horrible, I mean really horrible. Don’t ask me to tell you what they were. I can’t talk about it. They say time heals all wounds, but it’s a lie. I left Viet Nam, but Viet Nam never left me. I carry it with me everywhere I go. All these years later, I still have nightmares like you wouldn’t believe. The doctor says it’s post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. I wake up shaking, gasping for breath with tears in my eyes. In my dreams, I’m always running hard trying to escape. Sometimes my enemies are close enough for me to touch. I almost stop breathing to keep them from hearing me. I’m constantly thinking I’m not going to make it. Some nights they kill me before I wake up. My dreams are so raw, so real they turn my soul inside out.”

Many people who never served in the military suffer these symptoms and more. They may not recognize the PTSD disorder in themselves and others. In an online PTSD survey assessing PTSD trauma, symptoms, and treatments, PTSD participants included 301 adults (50% veterans). They were asked to identify PTSD related items from a list. They were better at identifying traumatic events and symptoms than they were at knowing about effective PTSD treatments. This is important because people may not seek treatment if they don’t know it is available.

All wounds are not visible. What can PTSD look like? This video features people sharing their traumatic experiences that caused their PTSD and what can “trigger” or generate symptoms in various degrees, even to the point of having “lost days” that are so scary they have difficulty functioning. Personal and group therapy are encouraged.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Volunteer, Patient First Meeting

Pointing her out to me, the nurse aide said, "That's Henrietta sitting by herself at the table." I followed her finger to a caramel-colored woman who sat humming. She had just finished eating and still hadn't wiped her mouth. A light coating of chicken grease looked like high-priced lip gloss when I walked closer to her.

Henrietta was going to be my new hospice patient, my first at this particular nursing home. Later, she would become my first patient whose health improved so much she was discharged from hospice care. For now, she knew nothing about me, including the fact that I was coming that day to serve as her hospice volunteer. I only knew she was seventy-nine and declining mentally with dementia. I pulled up a chair next to her and said, "Hi, Henrietta. I'm Frances Shani Parker.”

Looking me straight in the eyes like she'd known me all her life, she responded, "Girl, I know who you are, long as we've been friends. I've been waiting for you all day. I kept wondering when you were coming. I hoped you hadn't forgotten me, and here you are. What took you so long to get here?"

"Well, actually I got lost," I stammered, processing these new details concerning my whereabouts.

"Shucks, I get lost all the time. When you get lost, go to the lady at that desk over there. She'll tell you where you are. She'll tell you where you want to go. She knows everything. I'm surprised you didn't go to her before. We all do. How about some dinner? The chicken is something else, nice and tasty, just the way I like it. And I ought to know because I just had a wing that almost made me fly," she laughed.

"No, thanks. I'm not too hungry now. I'll eat when I go home. Some leftovers are waiting for me. I just came to visit you. I want to know if it will be okay with you if I come see you every week."

"Okay with me? Of course, it's okay. Look at all the years you've been coming to see me. If you stopped coming, I'd be wondering where you were just like I did today. So much is on the news, I'd be worried something happened to you. Keep on coming. I don't ever want you to stop."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you, Henrietta. We can talk together, and I can take you on wheelchair rides when I come. We'll get to know each other better. That is, better than we already know each other," I added, remembering our extensive "history."

"Sounds good to me. It's been working for us a long time. I think what you need to do now is eat something. You must be hungry after being lost all that time. Call the waitress over here and order some food. Don't worry about the money. Just put it on my tab. They know me at this restaurant. I eat here a lot."

So, this was Henrietta, an interesting oasis of serendipity. What would the future hold for us as patient and volunteer? I smiled to myself, buckled my mental seat belt, and prepared for another fascinating ride.

© Frances Shani Parker (excerpt from my book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes) 

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog