tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24178581785884168302024-03-15T21:09:08.046-04:00Hospice and Nursing Homes BlogFrances Shani Parker, eldercare consultant and Detroit, Michigan author of Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes, writes this blog. Topics include eldercare, hospice, nursing homes, caregiving, dementia, death, bereavement, and older adults in general. News, practices, research, poems, stories, interviews, and videos are used often. In the top right column, you can search for various topics of interest to you. You can also subscribe to this blog or follow it by email. Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.comBlogger704125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-42671991177364158022023-01-01T04:05:00.000-05:002023-01-01T04:05:17.432-05:00End-of-Life Dreams and Visions (ELDVs) <p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Xj3eaWem-Y1I5RHsYCgRfHTKOJDlY8EwL0hS3ocT-zA8AxG793QNNIavuw8M46hAbk1OdDBD85BMqRoJ1IcOd6_d6cV0CyoTX1ZNkUK1yuPq12PCFG4HEabCox_BmLNblQ360Z1gUN07D5P9MqRzxADBhAlSyeWsjPXDoYcIF5C1hq67ty1RMESvpA/s284/ELDV.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="177" data-original-width="284" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Xj3eaWem-Y1I5RHsYCgRfHTKOJDlY8EwL0hS3ocT-zA8AxG793QNNIavuw8M46hAbk1OdDBD85BMqRoJ1IcOd6_d6cV0CyoTX1ZNkUK1yuPq12PCFG4HEabCox_BmLNblQ360Z1gUN07D5P9MqRzxADBhAlSyeWsjPXDoYcIF5C1hq67ty1RMESvpA/s1600/ELDV.jpg" width="284" /></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span>Research reported </span><span>in the </span><a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32840117/" target="_blank">American Journal of Hospice Palliative Care </a><span> concludes that p</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #212121;">ositive general attitudes toward end-of-life </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: times;">dreams, visions, </span></span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #212121;"><b>(</b></span></span><b style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: times;">ELDV)</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: times;"> </span></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: times; font-size: large;">and positive perceptions are correlated with better bereavement outcomes. Patient and family education on ELDVs that focuses on awareness and understanding of ELDVs may enhance clinical outcomes for families and patients.</span></p><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #302b2b;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">The following is a true nursing home experience that my hospice patient shared with me about an unusual trip she said she had taken the day before I visited her:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #302b2b;">(Excerpt from my book </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #302b2b;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a></span></i><span style="color: #302b2b;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352" target="_blank">)</a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“What did you do today?” I asked Rose after feeding her.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Me? I’ve been spending time with my people. I enjoyed myself a lot.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Hey, that’s great. Did your relatives drive in from Chicago?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“No, I went to heaven. It’s the nicest place, all clean and bright with beautiful sights to see everywhere. I saw my family and plenty of my friends. They all wore long white gowns.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Wow! I guess that’s a place you’ll want to visit again.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Oh, I’ll definitely be going back. I’m planning to go stay there when I die. I’ll see if I can help you get in, too.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Thanks. I would really appreciate that.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“How old did you tell me I was?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“You’re ninety-nine, and you’ll be one hundred years old on your next birthday.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“A hundred years old is too old. I don’t think I want to be that old.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“There are three other ladies in this nursing home who are older than that. One is a hundred five. We talked to her last week during your wheelchair ride.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“How much longer will it be before I make a hundred? I don’t know if I want to wait too much longer.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“It’s only one more month. I remember you said you had spiritual talks with your minister. If you decide to wait, I’ll get you a big balloon that looks like a birthday cake.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“I guess I could wait. Yes, I think I will wait. That way I can celebrate my hundredth birthday. When I do get to heaven, I can tell everybody I lived to be over one hundred.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">And that’s exactly what she did.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">Frances Shani Parker is an eldercare consultant, author, speaker, workshop facilitator, hospice volunteer, and retired public school principal. She serves on the board of the Institute of Gerontology at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan. Her book </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" rel="nofollow noopener" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; font-weight: 600; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank"><em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</em></a><em style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75); margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </em><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">gives</span><em style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75); margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </em><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">a groundbreaking account of her insights and experiences with hospice, nursing homes, caregiving, dementia, death, bereavement, and service-learning. Visit her in cyberspace at </span><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com/" rel="nofollow noopener" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; font-weight: 600; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">http://www.francesshaniparker.com</a><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com./" rel="nofollow noopener" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; font-weight: 600; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">.</a></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-16502090104890662022-12-04T03:02:00.001-05:002022-12-04T03:02:36.389-05:00Alzheimer's Dementia Reflections (Video 4:44) <div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></div></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiP3ZQoFcluZ2WBstrelwux9ccuUsVJNkVHF9CfVLTQQII3iEN_5Ami72TKjJBB0jG-icPil29O_Nmacz78M_OUjKUR_YVHbmNpEXzaN43QAO-ppSMuPdzWw7ufM6VHCjp7nsw9idh7X5Gww1x_MJITGFJ3vQRGEcxKXzpZc8QffTZbKsEdrt3_SJzxaA=s225" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiP3ZQoFcluZ2WBstrelwux9ccuUsVJNkVHF9CfVLTQQII3iEN_5Ami72TKjJBB0jG-icPil29O_Nmacz78M_OUjKUR_YVHbmNpEXzaN43QAO-ppSMuPdzWw7ufM6VHCjp7nsw9idh7X5Gww1x_MJITGFJ3vQRGEcxKXzpZc8QffTZbKsEdrt3_SJzxaA" width="225" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">As 2023 approaches, let's reflect on Alzheimer's dementia in terms of where we are and where we may be going in the future. We can begin by defining what dementia is in general terms. Dementia refers to a group of conditions that gradually destroy brain cells and lead to mental decline. According to the "Journal of the American Geriatrics Society," b</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1d1e; font-family: times;">y the year 2025, an estimated 7.2 million Americans are expected to have Alzheimer's disease,</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1d1e; font-family: times;"> the most common form of dementia that accounts for 60% to 80% of dementia cases. By 2060, unless there are major medical breakthroughs, current numbers will almost double.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">Clearly, Alzheimer's is a challenge many people must face with preparedness by becoming as informed as possible in putting forth their best efforts in ways that benefit themselves as well as meeting needs of those living with the disease. People living with Alzheimer's may experience changes in behavior and personality such as anxiety and delusions. Like a fluttering bee, Alzheimer's can leave caregivers wondering when the person in their care will perform in ways that will make honey or ways that will make them sting. </span><span style="font-family: times;">How caregivers approach and handle their roles during their interactions is very important. <a href="https://www.alz.org/local_resources/find_your_local_chapter">Local Alzheimer's Association chapters </a></span><span style="font-family: times;">can offer needed local assistance to caregivers. The <b>24/7 Helpline Phone Number is 800-272-3900</b>. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">The following ageless video below titled “It’s a Sparrow” is a moving example of how a negative caregiving experience can evolve into a positive one through thoughtful reflection. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"> <iframe frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://youtube.com/embed/aK8QIgpOZKE" width="480"></iframe></span><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1"><i><span style="color: #4d469c;">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</span></i><span style="color: #4d469c;"> </span></a><span style="color: black;">is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. Visit <a href=" http://www.francesshaniparker.com">Frances Shani Parker's Website.</a></span></span><br /><br /></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-79846416015112468872022-11-02T03:01:00.001-04:002022-11-02T03:20:42.152-04:00Dying: Being in Control (Research, Hospice Story) <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrsFIoQcfig39oyg94TOrbMIf6iffKMquEl4DWH-gWAU7QGwOKaZ0C_g0SHmKuL1TxPylP5_dnV_7FjL0gSMPpMcV0VObGYn8_aBK__wqPz7__MK07_cnyuCFNrHd_DlXDruSpkOLVocP/s1600/readytd2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh92LRVVoz8amSsLF-54QmM4LQWZj5TU7rjHu3t7e3tFWA8UpxtGx2ZXYIsxgnSohtZPMQ9GoMDcILhuMoq9TCxn24EExVGoPHSNge_y-m7XnUmHoeDGKS3hPViWExb3mmM8CubJmzOgvgP/s1600/die2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="115" data-original-width="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh92LRVVoz8amSsLF-54QmM4LQWZj5TU7rjHu3t7e3tFWA8UpxtGx2ZXYIsxgnSohtZPMQ9GoMDcILhuMoq9TCxn24EExVGoPHSNge_y-m7XnUmHoeDGKS3hPViWExb3mmM8CubJmzOgvgP/s1600/die2.jpg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><div class="MsoNormal"><span><br /></span></div>Are you ready to die? Because I have been a hospice volunteer many years, people sometimes assume that my patients and I talk about death a lot. We don't. But death-related discussions are important parts of advanced care planning and palliative care. S</span>ome people also assume my volunteer visits must be depressing because no one really wants to die. Wrong again. Some of my patients have stated they looked forward to death and gave reasons that had nothing to do with depression.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><br />People have complex attitudes about death, dying, and ethical considerations. A Massive Open Online Course (MOOC)<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30943742"> </a> titled “Dying2Learn” provided an opportunity for researchers to explore societal and personal attitudes about wishes and beliefs regarding death and dying. Among research results highlighted were desires of patients to exercise choice and control in relation to dying. Some individuals wanted control while preferring not to know that they were dying. Others wanted to know as much as possible and still be more in control. Even after legal matters related to death were in order, some patients had concerns that others might not consider important, but the element of control still mattered.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>All this talk about control reminds me of my hospice patient named Rose. Are you ready to die? Rose was. This is what she said to me about her upcoming death that clearly indicated her need for control:<br /><br />She began by asking me, “How old did you tell me I was?”<br /><br />I responded, “You’re ninety-nine, and you’ll be a hundred years old on your next birthday.”<br /><br />“A hundred years old is too old. I don’t think I want to be that old.”<br /><br />“There are three other ladies in this nursing home who are older than that. One is a hundred three. We talked to her last week during your wheelchair ride.”<br /><br />“How much longer will it be before I make a hundred? I don’t know if I want to wait too much longer.”<br /><br />“It’s only one more month. I remember you said you had spiritual talks with your minister. If you decide to wait, I’ll get you a big balloon that looks like a birthday cake.”<br /><br />“I guess I could wait. Yes, I think I will wait. That way I can celebrate my hundredth birthday. When I do get to heaven, I can tell everybody I lived to be one hundred.”<br /><br />And that’s exactly what she did because she felt she was in control.<br /><br />(Excerpt from <i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i>)<br /><br />Frances Shani Parker, Author<br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes </i></a>is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. </span><span style="font-family: times;">Visit </span><i><a href="https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog </a></i><span style="font-family: times;">and </span><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com/events" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website.</a><br /><br /></span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-81591015446311136502022-10-25T02:13:00.010-04:002022-11-06T01:28:10.890-04:00The Georgia Mass Choir - "Come On in the Room"<iframe frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://youtube.com/embed/lnFxCZU07Q8" width="480"></iframe><div><br /><div>During difficult times locally and around the world, this song showcasing</div><div>an elder may offer needed support for many in their personal "rooms."</div><div><br /></div><div><h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 17px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px;">"<a href="https://www.invubu.com/music/show/song/Georgia-Mass-Choir/Come-On-In-the-Room.html" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2266ff; outline: none;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">Come On in the Room</span></a>" by <a href="https://www.invubu.com/music/show/artist/Georgia-Mass-Choir.html" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2266ff; outline: none;">Georgia Mass Choir</a></h3><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0px;"></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0px;">Album: <a href="https://www.invubu.com/music/show/album/Various-Artists/Back-to-Church.html" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2266ff; outline: none;">Back to Church</a></p><hr style="background-color: #cccccc; border: 0px; box-sizing: content-box; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 14px; height: 1px; margin: 5px 0px; width: 546.641px;" /><p class="music_song_lyrics" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0px; opacity: 1;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Come on in the room.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Come on in the room.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Jesus is my doctor,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />and He writes out all of my prescriptions.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />He gives me all of my medicine in my room.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />There is joy, joy in the room,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />joy in the room.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Jesus is my doctor,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />and He writes out all of my prescriptions.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />He gives me all of my medicine in my room.</p></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-66740827776182122912022-10-02T15:58:00.000-04:002022-10-02T15:58:20.011-04:00Spirituality, Cancer, and Aging <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">Spirituality has often been associated positively in healthcare by most patients. Healthcare providers should be sensitive to this when they make healthcare decisions impacting patients and their families. They should provide opportunities for them to share their religious and spiritual beliefs and offer support when possible.<br /><br />By understanding the importance of spirituality in many people’s lives, healthcare workers and other caregivers can create better plans of encouragement for patients. These plans could include support groups for them that involve yoga, meditation, nature, music, prayer, or referral to spiritual or religious counselors.<br /><br />For older adults, cancer is a major cause of morbidity and mortality. This <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29772281">palliative care cancer review </a>examines the influence of spirituality on aging in general and on the management of older cancer patients. <br /><br />These are the conclusions:<br /><br />1) A spiritual perspective has been associated with successful aging, better tolerance of physical and emotional stress, and the ability to cope with serious diseases and isolation.<br /><br /> 2) Spirituality has been associated with decreased risk of suicide and depression and is especially important in older adults.<br /><br /> 3) Spirituality has also improved the quality of life and reduced the risk of disease and death for the patient's caregiver. It may render the palliative care of cancer more effective and may also aid in detection and management of spiritual pain, which may prevent healing at the end of life.<br /><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: medium;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A
Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i> </a><span style="color: black;">is available in paperback and e-book
editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. </span></span><a href="http://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large; font-style: italic;">Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog</a><i style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large;">,</i><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large;" target="_blank"> Frances Shani Parker's Website</a></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-44844098641001478902022-09-04T01:00:00.008-04:002022-09-20T02:52:11.582-04:00Becoming Dead Right in 10 Steps<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi22dHYtYeGFGJlEZzXqKQNg4vXLroIW_Dv6f6F_El4kD9wWioAhhZH4RKBLhI1dCtpSkTa39FSgkTOSOpMtvTzf9WEUAJYVFlkU16pWnR4pijpIycXF1i8F2N4gyeqGEbsOJ_GqOmTkskEEGkIUAr_fJFlU9DlHPnA5A4R1F0P0J3PKkjjNGKC-ovXqA=s257" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="196" data-original-width="257" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi22dHYtYeGFGJlEZzXqKQNg4vXLroIW_Dv6f6F_El4kD9wWioAhhZH4RKBLhI1dCtpSkTa39FSgkTOSOpMtvTzf9WEUAJYVFlkU16pWnR4pijpIycXF1i8F2N4gyeqGEbsOJ_GqOmTkskEEGkIUAr_fJFlU9DlHPnA5A4R1F0P0J3PKkjjNGKC-ovXqA=w244-h163" width="244" /></a><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></span></div><p></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; text-size-adjust: auto;">Life is a journey. Death will come when it comes, no matter how often the topic is avoided, how forcefully technology wrestles it to the ground, or how sincerely pleas for more earthly time are requested. Consider using these ten steps featuring scenic routes on your journey to becoming dead right:</span><br /></span><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-6492322344852469195" itemprop="articleBody" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 536px;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Ten Steps to Becoming Dead Right<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Accept death as part of life.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Death will come no matter how often the topic is avoided or how forcefully technology wrestles it to the ground. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Listen to the Universe.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 22.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Some say it’s the Universe. Many use God, Higher Power or other names. If you believe you are part of an infinite enlightenment, be still and listen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 22.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Expect rainbow smiles.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 22.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Rainbow smiles are joyous, healing, memorable moments that come more often when anticipated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Live a healthy lifestyle.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 22.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Practice habits of healthy living in all areas of your life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Be informed and proactive.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 22.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Keep abreast of what’s happening in life. When circumstances arise that can benefit from your input, apply what you know.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>6.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Do your best.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 22.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">You can’t solve every problem or be everything to everybody. Do what you can.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>7.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Give service to others.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 22.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Complement others by fulfilling needs through service. Both server and recipient benefit from this partnership.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">8.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Be grateful for blessings.<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 22.5pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Blessings come like wondrous celebrations held in your honor. Let appreciation reign!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 40.5pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>9.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Put death wishes in writing.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Fulfillment of your end-of-life wishes will often depend on what you discuss and record now. Get medical, financial, and property decisions in order.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>10. Have a dignified death journey.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Breathe in your final phase of life with contentment. Experience a dying process that brings beauty and calm to your personal letting go.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">© Frances Shani Parker</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-style: italic;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration-line: none;"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i> </a>is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration-line: none;"><i>Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog</i></a><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div><br /></div></span></div><div style="clear: both; font-size: 13px;"></div></div><div class="post-footer" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 1.5em 0px 0px;"></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-49847386728771370142022-08-01T01:25:00.000-04:002022-08-01T01:25:27.278-04:00Dementia Violence in Healthcare <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjdAVkDpw_IwJhoetYsIfaV99okCMtcrFu7t3y8hjaWwdP8exB7NA8eRI42rHUKheDc_clMG8fBua_2mPirTPnVwrRUZiYAEswchj9eTztaN7x8ecfkEC5MyIFXqxsjPdU4IvYqyZ3F_IAQ8TtM87-k1MRreSkdGnrbkiCV2_AGu-gJbqI41ojXi7Xqww=s189" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="140" data-original-width="189" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjdAVkDpw_IwJhoetYsIfaV99okCMtcrFu7t3y8hjaWwdP8exB7NA8eRI42rHUKheDc_clMG8fBua_2mPirTPnVwrRUZiYAEswchj9eTztaN7x8ecfkEC5MyIFXqxsjPdU4IvYqyZ3F_IAQ8TtM87-k1MRreSkdGnrbkiCV2_AGu-gJbqI41ojXi7Xqww" width="189" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">As a hospice volunteer in Detroit, Michigan nursing homes, I viewed dementia as a fluttering bee. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I never knew when it would make honey or sting. There were times when nursing home residents with dementia were rude or violent. I have seen a resident slap a nurse assistant (CNA) in the face with such force I thought she would fall over. To her credit, the CNA took a deep breath and walked away while another CNA interceded to work with the resident. The resident probably forgot the incident soon afterward. During violent situations involving residents living with dementia, caregivers have to protect themselves, restrain residents if they can, but resist expressing rage and fighting back.</span></span></p><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span>Aggression and violence in nursing homes, unfortunately, is not as rare as many may think. It may involve victims who are too fragile to protect themselves. Some have even died as a direct result of being physically assaulted. Empathy for residents is always important. Spending time with them and getting to know them, their temperaments, their personalities, their likes and dislikes greatly impact </span></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">caregivers' abilities to manage them in healthcare settings. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">The YouTube video below titled "Cursing or Verbal Aggression" illustrates one way of addressing these problems. This video was produced by the Murray Alzheimer's Research and Education Program in partnership with the Psychogeriatric Resource Consultants in Niagara Region and Hamilton-Halton.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2FnhDpF2W6I" width="320" youtube-src-id="2FnhDpF2W6I"></iframe></div><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span><i><span style="font-family: Times;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1417769603&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a></span></i><span style="font-family: Times;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1417769603&sr=1-1" target="_blank"> </a>is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at various booksellers</span><span style="font-family: Times;">. Visit <o:p></o:p></span></span><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" style="font-family: Times;" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a>.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-76568614088085737542022-07-01T01:51:00.002-04:002022-07-01T02:16:11.380-04:00Dying in Control (Research, Hospice Story) <div class="separator"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQwDYW2BdGwQAvujmcBvxfJFRQs3tU9xcvsnF9ONRiETvAZBkxoQjS-YCwkrDP6sNCVbwYTVhK_EFpOEZSdmRZy2c21npaaUf8yRsTSLoy-aI3SyTBwTXt0ZlmOoVPOFiXmyNQGOIJlvxh1vOBolg-nx691w3FuhUQ70Xu82b8YS7dd6fPP2bPglmMyg/s101/skull-bluel-blog.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="98" data-original-width="101" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQwDYW2BdGwQAvujmcBvxfJFRQs3tU9xcvsnF9ONRiETvAZBkxoQjS-YCwkrDP6sNCVbwYTVhK_EFpOEZSdmRZy2c21npaaUf8yRsTSLoy-aI3SyTBwTXt0ZlmOoVPOFiXmyNQGOIJlvxh1vOBolg-nx691w3FuhUQ70Xu82b8YS7dd6fPP2bPglmMyg/w143-h149/skull-bluel-blog.png" width="143" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div></div></div><span style="font-size: medium;">Are you ready to die? Because I have been a hospice volunteer many years, people sometimes assume that my patients and I talk about death a lot. We don't. But death-related discussions are important parts of advanced care planning and palliative care. Some people also assume my volunteer visits must be depressing because no one really wants to die. Wrong again. Some of my patients have stated they looked forward to death and gave reasons that had nothing to do with depression.</span></div><div class="separator"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><p style="font-family: Times; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
People have complex attitudes about death, dying, and ethical considerations. A <a href="https://draft.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/2417858178588416830/7984641601511246887?hl=en"><span style="color: blue;">Massive Open Online Course (MOOC) </span></a>titled “Dying2Learn” provided an opportunity for researchers to explore societal and personal attitudes about wishes and beliefs regarding death and dying. Among research results highlighted were desires of patients to exercise choice and control in relation to dying. Some individuals wanted control while preferring not to know that they were dying. Others wanted to know as much as possible and still be more in control. Even after legal matters related to death were in order, some patients had concerns that others might not consider important, but the element of control still mattered.</span></p><p style="font-family: Times; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: Times; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">All this talk about control reminded me of my hospice patient named Rose. Are you ready to die? Rose was. This is what she said to me about her upcoming death that clearly indicated her need for control:<br />
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She began by asking me, “How old did you tell me I was?”<br />
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I responded, “You’re ninety-nine. You’ll be one hundred years old on your next birthday.”<br />
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“One hundred years old is too old. I don’t think I want to be that old.”<br />
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“There are three other ladies in this nursing home who are older than that. One is a hundred three. We talked to her last week during your wheelchair ride.”<br />
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“How much longer will it be before I make a hundred? I don’t know if I want to wait too much longer.”<br />
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“It’s only one more month. I remember you said you had spiritual talks with your minister. If you decide to wait, I’ll get you a big balloon that looks like a birthday cake.”<br />
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“I guess I could wait. Yes, I think I will wait. That way I can celebrate my hundredth birthday. When I do get to heaven, I can tell everybody I lived to be one hundred.”<br />
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And that’s exactly what she did because she felt she was in control.<br />
<br />
(Excerpt from <i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i>)<br />
<br />
Frances Shani Parker, Author<br />
<a href="https://draft.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/2417858178588416830/7984641601511246887?hl=en"><span style="color: blue;"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes </i></span></a>is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. Visit <a href="https://draft.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/2417858178588416830/7984641601511246887?hl=en"><span style="color: blue;"><i>Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog </i></span></a>and <span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://draft.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/2417858178588416830/7984641601511246887?hl=en">Frances Shani Parker's Website.</a></span></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-5661787574099306202022-06-29T10:18:00.004-04:002022-07-30T22:36:31.664-04:00"Missing" - An Older Adult, Loneliness Poem <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"She waited, grasping like a New Year's resolution..."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /> Many older adults rarely enjoy visitors they seldom see during most of the year. Whether at home or in institutions, loneliness can be both difficult and dangerous for their overall health. Too many of them endure the negative impact of loneliness daily.</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><br /></span><span>“Missing” is one of sixteen original poems at the end of each chapter in </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.</i></a><span><i> </i>A hospice volunteer, I wrote it after witnessing the sadness of lonely nursing home residents who were missing the missing. They coped with ongoing loneliness that could easily have been avoided with gifts of time. But some relatives and friends kept putting off visiting them until it was too late. C</span><span>onsider making every effort to visit those who are ill or alone. Don’t sentence them to another year of missing you.<br /><br />Missing <br /><br />She waited,<br />hoping her years of caring<br />endured in grown-up minds,<br />rested in distant hearts,<br />conveyed how much she missed them.<br /><br />She waited,<br />living real-time movies<br />of restless nights, anxious days<br />with inhaled hopes of fellowship,<br />exhaled sighs of deep despair.<br /><br />She waited,<br />wishing nostalgic winds<br />flowed through cotton curtains,<br />brought relatives and friends<br />she cherished through the years.<br /><br />She waited,<br />grasping like a New Year's resolution,<br />like a second suspended in time<br />until her clock stopped ticking<br />for visitors who never came.<br /><br />© Frances Shani Parker<br /><br />Frances Shani Parker, Author<br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i> </a>is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.<br /><i><a href="http://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/">Hospice and Nu</a><a href="http://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/">rsing Homes Blog</a>, </i><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a></span></span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-57465842189296702452022-05-02T01:10:00.003-04:002022-05-04T02:39:00.226-04:00Hospice Volunteer Meets Patient Living With Dementia <p></p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcHTc7Hftv9DASF8aemlgrnU2JMytYYz6dMiMwzN9InqewJGB4yJMqMeDAaZiN92yg2CWxlgXHZssKnIktt1tb71-P89D1WQkQZzbFVNc2dxDMHLrHUY-PiWomJs9u-gQtYhqqKnPxBm1HwojHO3NYmDF8PMf9Mqni5OllvFUDg4q6ulZSec6a6aflPw/s208/fsp-image.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="208" data-original-width="180" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcHTc7Hftv9DASF8aemlgrnU2JMytYYz6dMiMwzN9InqewJGB4yJMqMeDAaZiN92yg2CWxlgXHZssKnIktt1tb71-P89D1WQkQZzbFVNc2dxDMHLrHUY-PiWomJs9u-gQtYhqqKnPxBm1HwojHO3NYmDF8PMf9Mqni5OllvFUDg4q6ulZSec6a6aflPw/s1600/fsp-image.jpg" width="180" /></a></div> Frances Shani Parker<br /></span><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"That's Henrietta sitting by herself at the table," the nurse said to me. I followed her finger to a caramel-colored woman who sat humming. She had just finished eating and still hadn't wiped her mouth. A light coating of chicken grease looked like high-priced lip gloss when I walked closer to her.</span></p><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Henrietta was going to be my new hospice patient, my first at this particular nursing home. Later, she would become my first patient whose health improved so much she was discharged from hospice care. For now, she knew nothing about me, including the fact that I was coming that day to serve as her hospice volunteer. I only knew she was seventy-nine and declining mentally with dementia. I pulled up a chair next to her and said, "Hi, Henrietta. I'm Frances Shani Parker.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Looking me straight in the eyes like she'd known me all her life, she responded, "Girl, I know who you are, long as we've been friends. I've been waiting for you all day. I kept wondering when you were coming. I hoped you hadn't forgotten me, and here you are. What took you so long to get here?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"Well, actually I got lost," I stammered, processing these new details concerning my whereabouts.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"Shucks, I get lost all the time. When you get lost, go to the lady at that desk over there. She'll tell you where you are. She'll tell you where you want to go. She knows everything. I'm surprised you didn't go to her before. We all do. How about some dinner? The chicken is something else, nice and tasty, just the way I like it. And I ought to know because I just had a wing that almost made me fly," she laughed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"No, thanks. I'm not too hungry now. I'll eat when I go home. Some leftovers are waiting for me. I just came to visit you. I want to know if it will be okay with you if I come see you every week."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"Okay with me? Of course, it's okay. Look at all the years you've been coming to see me. If you stopped coming, I'd be wondering where you were just like I did today. So much is on the news, I'd be worried something happened to you. Keep on coming. I don't ever want you to stop."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"I'm looking forward to seeing you, Henrietta. We can talk together, and I can take you on wheelchair rides when I come. We'll get to know each other better. That is, better than we already know each other," I added, remembering our extensive "history."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"Sounds good to me. It's been working for us a long time. I think what you need to do now is eat something. You must be hungry after being lost all that time. Call the waitress over here and order some food. Don't worry about the money. Just put it on my tab. They know me at this restaurant. I eat here a lot."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">So, this was Henrietta, an interesting oasis of serendipity. What would the future hold for us as patient and volunteer? I smiled to myself, buckled my mental seat belt, and prepared for another intriguing ride.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">© Frances Shani Parker<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Excerpt from<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration-line: none;"> <i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i></a><i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-1352751832201095042" itemprop="articleBody" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 536px;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><i><span>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</span></i><span> is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at booksellers such as </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #002ede;">Amazon.com</span></a><span>. Visit <o:p></o:p></span></span><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-55385192048755865702022-04-04T02:27:00.001-04:002022-04-06T20:47:27.250-04:00Nursing Home Mealtimes With Dementia<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: times; font-size: medium; text-align: left;">"Food? What food?"</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjVcsfTQ_7OySxUUz-rU-VfQFrHBr8530p_x2H_1JqcmJC9dN3PTrnIIJytc4gts7uqXFZztVvL4dogBoxyX71-3up5NmMS3MbT13ZmkxOcZ82wFyRfxwUtwEKEtvBQ9hSFasCkmyQw4jR_NwG5Z-sf3nAOmJ4kJ3fxmPb2QkVksr_zz6fcZCMyDpTfyA=s271" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="271" data-original-width="186" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjVcsfTQ_7OySxUUz-rU-VfQFrHBr8530p_x2H_1JqcmJC9dN3PTrnIIJytc4gts7uqXFZztVvL4dogBoxyX71-3up5NmMS3MbT13ZmkxOcZ82wFyRfxwUtwEKEtvBQ9hSFasCkmyQw4jR_NwG5Z-sf3nAOmJ4kJ3fxmPb2QkVksr_zz6fcZCMyDpTfyA" width="186" /></a></span></div><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">At nursing home mealtimes, I served as a hospice volunteer at several Detroit, Michigan nursing homes for many years. Hospice residents are predicted to have up to six months to live, but may exceed that time. </span><span style="background-color: white;">I had contact often with residents who were assigned or not assigned to me. My assigned hospice residents were always my primary concern. Most of them shared rooms with up to three people. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><span style="background-color: white;">In the mealtime stories below, </span></span><span style="background-color: white;">I shared a table with six other residents. Several were living with some form of</span><span><span style="background-color: white;"> dementia. Due to limited staff, I knew I would have to supervise, encourage, and generally keep an eye on everybody at the table. A Detroit, Michigan public school principal, I was used to multi-task management and didn’t mind assisting them weekly after school at all. These stories </span></span><span style="background-color: white;">from my book </span><i style="background-color: white;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration-line: none;">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a> </i><span style="background-color: white;">describe typical mealtime experiences with residents living with dementia:</span></span></p><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-2646346933042410512" itemprop="articleBody" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.4; orphans: 2; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; width: 536px; word-spacing: 0px;"><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">I continued talking to Naomi, my assigned hospice patient, and assisting her while monitoring others at the table. I noticed that Petra had not touched any of her food. Petra was not a very independent eater, but I knew she was physically capable of feeding herself by any means necessary.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Petra, your food is just sitting there getting cold. You have a whole tray of delicious things to eat. You should eat some and see how good it is. You’re a good eater. Eat your food.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Food? What food? I don’t have none.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“The food on this tray is all for you, Petra. This is your food tray right in front of you. Watch me point to each item. You have coffee, juice, milk, mashed potatoes, fish, broccoli, bread, and fruit. That’s your name spelled P-e-t-r-a.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“That’s not my name. My name is Petra. That’s somebody else’s name. That’s not my name. I know my name.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Well, that is still your food on the tray. You should eat before it gets cold. Go ahead and eat. Give it a try.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Eat? Eat what?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Your food, Petra, your fish, potatoes, and everything else.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>“Fish? What fish? I don’t have none. Do you see a fish here? I don’t see a fish. I don’t have none.” </span><br /><span><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">From previous experience, I knew that Petra and I could go on roaming forever around this same circle. Fortunately, she was sitting next to me. I gave her a taste of the fish first because I knew she liked it. Then I placed her fork in her hand and started her off eating. I did this in steps by steering her hand and giving her directions on putting food into her mouth, chewing, and swallowing. Residents with dementia often needed tasks broken into simple steps. Usually, she ate for a while by herself, even with her hands, once I started her off. But without any help getting started, she would sit and look at the food she said was not there. My other hand continued to assist Naomi, the resident assigned to me. My eyes monitored everybody at the table.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Don’t do that! Leave my food alone! Get your nasty hands off my plate! Help! Can somebody help me?” screamed a resident at our table as if she were under attack. All the nurse aides were occupied feeding residents at other tables and experiencing their own mealtime problems. As the unofficial table captain, I told Roscoe sternly to leave Charlena’s food alone. He gave me a confused look, pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about, but betrayed himself with a silly grin he thought I didn’t see. I leaned across the table and directed his attention to his own plate by putting his spoon in his food. He picked up his spoon and started eating again. Then I reassured Charlena that everything was okay, and she could finish eating. Charlena smiled with an air of triumph. Roscoe was in trouble, and she enjoyed knowing she helped to get him there.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Rita had been watching me help Naomi and Petra eat. Imitating me, she was attempting to feed George, but with her own used utensils. George had his mouth open obligingly to help. I interceded before any damage was done. By this time, several residents had spilled food on the table or the floor and had food stains on their bibs. Petra had to be restarted twice to eat the food she insisted she had never received. I had stood to lean across the table twice to settle other table disputes involving food and different residents.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Naomi ate quietly during all the interruptions. I had been giving her ongoing praise on how well she was doing. I also praised others at the table when they did well. They savored the attention, and Naomi wasn’t the least bit jealous. She had already told them that I was her guest and even offered me food which I declined. I had not gone there to eat and could not think about eating if I had. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">When one resident was praised, another would often say, “Look at me! I’m eating, too!” This reminded me of students at my PK-eighth grade school. They said the same thing when someone else was praised. I laughed, thinking the world was a universal classroom. Maybe the stars in the sky were created to be placed on foreheads of people around the world when they did something praiseworthy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">© Frances Shani Parker, Author,<span> </span><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black;"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;"><i><span style="color: #4d469c;">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</span></i><span style="color: #4d469c;"> </span></a><span style="color: black;">is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. Visit </span></span></span><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a>.</span></div></div></div><div style="clear: both; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-2303919036964289512022-03-07T01:35:00.004-05:002022-07-30T22:31:06.465-04:00Caregiver Abuse and Solutions December 2022<p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_yDxGBaiF5uOxFCBUa9BEQV5IZrwf1UlCCK9eDwZTDLy_1v_UK6v9LoAIwfx88xGnTyScE6vHrqJY1V_xHGIkbBZT2ZTj3tB1B7hiW9P9_9zx4dcnxBJMFy1xnnsWzp-mj59fte0R1fkC/s202/eld.abuse.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="161" data-original-width="202" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_yDxGBaiF5uOxFCBUa9BEQV5IZrwf1UlCCK9eDwZTDLy_1v_UK6v9LoAIwfx88xGnTyScE6vHrqJY1V_xHGIkbBZT2ZTj3tB1B7hiW9P9_9zx4dcnxBJMFy1xnnsWzp-mj59fte0R1fkC/s0/eld.abuse.png" width="202" /></span></a></p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><p><span>It is often said that everyone has a breaking point. What about caregivers working under very stressful conditions? What about caregivers who believe that, under no circumstances, would they ever commit an abusive act against people they have loved dearly their entire lives. Are they even aware that a</span>buse or neglect of an elderly person can be a criminal offense, a basis for legal litigation, and not just a family problem?</p></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">The tremendous challenges of caregiving can be underestimated when the commitment is made willingly to accept the position. Cases of older adults being abused physically, psychologically, sexually, and financially by caregivers, some whom they loved and trusted, continue through the years. Yes, abuse takes place in institutions, but abuse also occurs in shared living spaces with caregivers who are </span><span style="font-family: times;">loved ones and </span><span style="font-family: times;">relatives. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Caregivers must always be consciously aware of their own needs and limitations as they go about the business of taking care of vulnerable people who depend on them. Respite time away from their patients can play a significant role in keeping them balanced, revitalized, healthy and relieved from excessive stress. This is time when they can reflect on and fulfill their own needs in ways they enjoy, socialize with others, explore resources and people who can support them on their caregiving journey. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">You may report suspected elder or vulnerable adult abuse, neglect, or exploitation to Adult Protective Services by calling </span><b style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">855-444-3911</b><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">. </span></span><span face=""Open Sans", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: #6b5f9e; color: white;">To report abuse in a nursing facility, call the Attorney General's Health Care Fraud Division on their statewide hotline, 800-24-ABUSE (800-242-2873).</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span face=""Open Sans", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: #6b5f9e; color: white;">Notify the </span><a href="http://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/0,5885,7-339-73971_7119_50647---,00.html" style="background: rgb(107, 95, 158); box-sizing: border-box; color: #ccefee; font-weight: 600; outline: 0px; transition-delay: initial; transition-duration: 400ms; transition-property: all; transition-timing-function: initial; transition: all 400ms;">Michigan Department of Health & Human Services (MDHHS) Adult Protective Services</a><span face=""Open Sans", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: #6b5f9e; color: white;"> at 855-444-3911, if you suspect elder or vulnerable adult abuse, neglect, or exploitation.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>The <a href="https://ncea.acl.gov/" target="_blank">National Center on Eldercare Abuse</a> (https://ncea.acl.gov/) or</span><span face="source-sans-pro, helvetica, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; letter-spacing: 0.5px;"> NCEA provides the latest information regarding research, training, best practices, news and resources on elder abuse, neglect, and exploitation to professionals and the public.</span><span face="source-sans-pro, helvetica, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; letter-spacing: 0.5px;"> </span><span face="TwitterChirp, -apple-system, system-ui, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; white-space: pre-wrap;">The NCEA is a resource for information on abuse, neglect, and exploitation of older people. All of these organizations can assist people in getting help.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span face="TwitterChirp, -apple-system, system-ui, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-size: medium; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">Frances Shani Parker, Author <br /><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" style="color: purple;" target="_blank"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i> i</a>s available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. Visit </span><i style="background-color: white;"><a href="https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" style="color: purple;" target="_blank">Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog</a> and </i><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com/" style="background-color: white; color: purple;" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a><span style="background-color: white;">.</span></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-20937962807268600562022-02-07T00:25:00.004-05:002022-07-30T19:15:45.244-04:00Dementia, Hospice, Ancestor Poem<div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqo3Mqw87Ey184Ds5p5X_A7u_izgnNDNWVujlR4GcokFVbfNdQwksfcZFc74PWRtB2Rk-rjLrHDFcODnlFPg8bjHAuUmgnrdoUCafpxIks5PRsfeA8bgJzaxj4eHb_4umhrULwQ87w5cis/s285/sm-ancestor-handsbst.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="158" data-original-width="285" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqo3Mqw87Ey184Ds5p5X_A7u_izgnNDNWVujlR4GcokFVbfNdQwksfcZFc74PWRtB2Rk-rjLrHDFcODnlFPg8bjHAuUmgnrdoUCafpxIks5PRsfeA8bgJzaxj4eHb_4umhrULwQ87w5cis/s0/sm-ancestor-handsbst.jpg" width="285" /></a></div></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span><span style="font-family: times;">Her name was Miss Loretta. A hospice volunteer, I admired her brown, wrinkled hands often when I visited her weekly at a Detroit, Michigan nursing home. During our conversations, her aged hands and soft whispers reflected happy highs and tragic lows of muddled memories from our shared history. </span><span style="font-family: times;">Our common </span></span><span style="font-family: times;">heritage</span><span style="font-family: times;"> included</span><span style="font-family: times;"> countless years when we did not know each other. But history </span><span style="font-family: times;">bridged </span><span style="font-family: times;">our communication beyond her debilitating dementia that intensified during our many meetings before she died. </span></span></div><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span><span><span style="font-family: times;">Recently, I thought about Miss Loretta when I discovered a website with photos featuring elderly hands. Immediately grabbing my attention were mesmerizing hands very similar to Miss Loretta's. I felt her presence reassuring me again in her own unique way through scattered recollections of historical backstories.</span></span><span style="font-family: times;"> I recalled </span></span><span style="font-family: times;">a poem </span><span style="font-family: times;">I had written years ago that was </span><span style="font-family: times;">inspired by our special kinship</span><span style="font-family: times;">. </span><span style="font-family: times;">Miss Loretta's spirit continues to influence my life</span><span style="font-family: times;"> as I create my own wrinkled legacy.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">The following poem is my special tribute to Miss Loretta and our awe-inspiring ancestors who endured the unendurable while creating pathways for future generations. Their helping hands and unwavering resilience gifted us with treasured testimonies </span><span style="font-family: times;">about</span><span style="font-family: times;"> joy, pain, courage and survival beyond dementia and far deeper than words.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"Deeper Than Words" by Frances Shani Parker</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">The outside world arrives wearing my willing face. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Toothless, your smile widens like a baby's hungry for attention.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Almost ninety-eight years old, your inner candle still glows.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">A hospice volunteer, I lean closer, talk into your listening left ear.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">"Today is Sunday, Miss Loretta." My news drifts away like smoke.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">You stare at me through dying coals. Whatever I ask, you whisper, "Yes."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">I stroke your age-softened hands while your hazed mind masters sleep.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Watching you, I dream generations of women black and strong,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">each one a book of sustaining stories about joy, pain, courage, survival.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Within your warm, brown frame, spirits from our common history linger.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Aides say you have dementia, that you don't know a word I say.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Our language goes deeper than words. We speak to each other's souls.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">Frances Shani Parker is author of </span><span style="font-family: times;"><i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a> </i>available in paperback </span><span style="font-family: times;">and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and off-line booksellers. Visit </span><i style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog </a></i><span style="font-family: times;">and </span><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com/events" style="font-family: times;" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website.</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-34722731820492684952022-01-03T23:45:00.001-05:002022-01-03T23:48:43.289-05:00Kinship Care: What is it?<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiJdrJZIAH_xbx_nTfdbB4wGMXQp06MENAQQ8ac_I70C_-5ipV219rpiEuMckHQUdiC6dtWCtAXXl0ils-2ycxr9ZJk4gu6Xgl6RnS_aB1uAp_XUiRQ_ncO-Tgn5nf5YxkH16BgLeNp0rTxoKLc0Qsj-cQdLZgyXDR8uZ7_J-1xwDL5WaIEcTxWG4c8_Q=s342" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="147" data-original-width="342" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiJdrJZIAH_xbx_nTfdbB4wGMXQp06MENAQQ8ac_I70C_-5ipV219rpiEuMckHQUdiC6dtWCtAXXl0ils-2ycxr9ZJk4gu6Xgl6RnS_aB1uAp_XUiRQ_ncO-Tgn5nf5YxkH16BgLeNp0rTxoKLc0Qsj-cQdLZgyXDR8uZ7_J-1xwDL5WaIEcTxWG4c8_Q=s320" width="320" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><span>"Kinship care" is a popular term often used in reference to caregiving performed by a family member.</span></span><span> I believe non-relatives who serve as committed </span><span>caregivers during illness should also </span><span>be included in the kinship care definition and treated as such. This story from my personal experience is one example of many that explains why.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Back in the 70's, the HIV-AIDS virus evolved into an epidemic/pandemic in LGBTQ communities. AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) is a disease with severe loss of cellular immunity and resistance to infections. I was a busy, Detroit, school principal who started helping Jake, a gay man I barely knew. He would come around my school sometimes at the end of the day to talk briefly with me while watching students leave. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">In his thirties, Jake confided that he suffered daily harassment from invisible people. His conversations were often bizarre and heartbreaking. One day, he mentioned his real-life boyfriend had left him. I phoned his family to get him more support. Unfortunately, they had given up on him and advised me to do the same. His mother deeply resented his homosexuality and gay lifestyle. </span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><span><span>Based on his appearance and actions, I suspected Jake had AIDS. I drove him and the "invisibles" to the hospital. He was admitted immediately and later placed with other AIDS patients in an isolated section of a nursing home. A </span></span></span><span>young woman phoned me one day explaining that Jake was her biological father who had not raised her. She said she wanted to see him before he died and that she was busy taking care of her husband, her children, and being a waitress. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><span>The invisible people finally left Jake.</span><span> Time</span><span><span> passed during his death journey that included ongoing high fevers, chills, sores, weight loss, regular coughing, and breathing problems. </span></span></span><span>This was my first major introduction to hospice care. I wasn't Jake's relative, a close friend of his family, or even a member of the LGBTQ community I supported. But I knew I was kinship.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> * * * * * *</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">I wrote the following poem about Jake that was read at the 13th International AIDS Conference held in South Africa. Jake was there in spirit enjoying all the loving expressions he missed in life.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Remembering Jake</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">A lonely leper with AIDS,</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">you existed in a colony of inhumanity,</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">seldom felt life's caring caresses.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">While demons dragged your body</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">through gutters of deterioration,</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">you relinquished your confused mind</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">to unseen terrorists who stalked,</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">robbed you of much needed rest.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">I watched your painful decay,</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">witnessed abuses by family and friends</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">treating you like toxic waste.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Rare handfuls of love brought</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">limited smiles in your leper's life.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Sweet death delivered your only peace.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>Frances Shani Parker is author of </span><span><i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a> </i>available in paperback </span><span>and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and off-line booksellers. Visit </span><i><a href="https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog </a></i><span>and </span><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com/events" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website.</a></span></p></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p></p><p></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfAey7MKyVi3n3IssC4aUFXItuX1qIbI1w-18SSksoL8YqnyiJvlIPJc7m_8_UkdMC5Xcda_FZYKnDnh0YuHmCzQJzLAwWhhAhUvATwsLonqkuBz-0yiss4H4sCUJYnt0cO_KeNx4ZCAVP/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></p><p></p><p></p></div><p></p></div><p></p></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-17445643331386663252021-12-12T12:52:00.001-05:002022-02-13T08:39:44.450-05:00Empathy in Healthcare<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<font face="times" size="4">Would you describe yourself as a person with empathy for supporting emotional needs of others? Were you born with this ability? It may surprise you to know that you were not. This fundamental force of morality, this psychological phenomenon is actually a learned behavior. Scientific testing with animals, infants, adults and robots suggests that empathy viewed as an automatic process that catches the feelings of others is actually constructed in the course of development through social interactions, not through genes. <br /> <br /> The ability to empathize is especially important in healthcare professions where biases can contribute to healthcare disparities. Sometimes the bias is overt, even intentional. Other times, it is done implicitly, unconsciously, but still doing harm. Healthcare providers must be able to better recognize situations where they can offer empathy in addition to problem solving. Patient care is more than just physical healing. Good healthcare includes building a connection that encompasses a patient’s mind, body, and soul. It includes standing in someone else’s shoes, feeling what that person feels, and responding in the appropriate manner. <br /><br /> One way of learning empathy in general living is by consciously putting yourselves in the position of others in an effort to better understand what they experience. Older adults are a growing population that more people are having contact with as caregivers and in general living. By simulating the experiences of many older adults, everyone and especially young people can develop deeper understanding of various issues of old age that they may not have considered. This helps them develop more empathy for the older adult population and a better understanding of how they can navigate their own aging.</font></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4"><br /></font></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></font></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4"> Frances Shani Parker is author of <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a></i> available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. Her blog is <a href="https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" style="font-style: italic;" target="_blank">Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog</a><i>. </i>Visit her website at <a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com.">http://www.francesshaniparker.com.</a></font></div>
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</style><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-1620589219282640712021-11-07T23:45:00.002-05:002021-11-30T09:09:24.284-05:00 Sexuality, Healthcare, and Older Adults (Video 3:24)<div><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR8qpuD1EEM8yEgaS2frQuisZqBtPEEoyvypEQq7BZYDQ1f9XwA4wESvXiuBuMjYODvn_61hoFeKdj18C22HEVP7-t-RkwAazkYZXocF1uFZYyekEyIyPNLl2wloUv6Sr7Kgt67jzJ9mTW/s260/semiorsex.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="130" data-original-width="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR8qpuD1EEM8yEgaS2frQuisZqBtPEEoyvypEQq7BZYDQ1f9XwA4wESvXiuBuMjYODvn_61hoFeKdj18C22HEVP7-t-RkwAazkYZXocF1uFZYyekEyIyPNLl2wloUv6Sr7Kgt67jzJ9mTW/s0/semiorsex.jpg" /></span></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">In spite of what you may have thought or heard, many older adults enjoy active and fulfilling sex lives into their later years. In fact, they even tend to live longer. Unfortunately, too many people avoid discussing sex when it relates to older adults. This often gives an inaccurate portrayal of the role of sexuality in aging adults' lives. Sex doesn't belong to youth, and safe sex practices belong to all ages.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Research shows that older adult sexuality is usually only discussed in healthcare settings when patients initiate the discussions. More information initiated by healthcare providers would keep older adults better informed about evolving sexuality issues that have changed through the years. Primary care providers and nurse practitioners may need more older adult sexuality training themselves to meet the needs of this growing and changing population when they initiate more sexuality discussions with patients.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Any discussion of older adult sexuality must include the importance of their using safe sex practices. HIV/AIDS is an illness of older adults, too. Just because many women in this population are postmenopausal does not mean they should not use condoms with vigilance. Online dating and more sexual experimentation with drugs can promote the likelihood of unprotected sex that some older adults may underestimate.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">The following video titled "Sexuality and Older Adults" from healthcare collaborators at Johns Hopkins Medicine shares important healthcare information in detail.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span> </span> </span><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SJVvhzrJMfs" width="320" youtube-src-id="SJVvhzrJMfs"></iframe></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes </a></i>is available in paperback and ebook editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.</span></div><div><i><a href="https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: medium;">Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog</span></a></i></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-57117728035121045302021-10-02T09:40:00.004-04:002021-10-05T09:36:06.629-04:00School-Nursing Home Partnerships (Service-Learning, Dementia) <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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</div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"></blockquote><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>I have had many occasions as an educator to implement and consult on intergenerational partnerships between schools and nursing homes. This was done through service-learning, a teaching and learning approach that connects learning with meeting community needs. Included in curriculum learning objectives, service-learning is used by many schools and community organizations. For example, after students learn how to write letters at school, service-learning could include writing letters to nursing home residents who would benefit from receiving them. Students can also do school performances at nursing homes.</span><br /></span><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"></blockquote><font face="times" size="4"><br /></font><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"></blockquote><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>A growing body of service-learning research shows that students benefit academically and affectively from service-learning. Because teachers prepare students well before their nursing home visits, students know what to expect. If a resident falls asleep or cries, students understand why that is okay. Dementia is understood with relevance and meaning. Students are open to the experience of being with the elderly and the challenged. They take pride in the roles they play as visiting caregivers who enrich lives. They empathize with the realities of residents living with dementia.</span><br /></span><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"></blockquote><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><font><br /></font><span>After students return to school, they reflect on how their nursing home visit affected residents and themselves, what they learned, and ways to share that information with others. While students' reflections can take many forms (written, oral, dance, music, art), the poem below is an example of a student’s poetic reflection. My book, </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i></a><span>, includes a chapter on intergenerational partnerships between schools and nursing homes. </span><br /></span><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4"> <br /></font></div></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">A Student's Service-Learning Reflections</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">I know you erase your</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">roommate sometimes, </font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><font>take distant trips in your mind,</font> </span></div></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">see me as a short brown blur</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">when I visit your nursing home.</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">I know your childhood</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">friends whisper secrets,</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">your favorite dress has ruffles,</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">my cards touch you with sunshine,</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">you love the stories I tell.</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">I know that carrots</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">make you frown,</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">my visits swing you higher,</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">loneliness glues you down,</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">you miss your friends who died.</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">I know your words</span> </span></div></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">make </span><span style="font-family: times;">me feel better,</span></span></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">feed my heart with praise,</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">help me care about others</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">the way you care about me.</font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4"><br /></font></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><font face="times" size="4">© Frances Shani Parker</font></div></blockquote></blockquote><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: medium;"><font face="times"> <br /><br /> Note: Winner of the National Service-Learning Partnership Trailblazer Award, Frances Shani Parker, a hospice volunteer, writer, eldercare consultant, and retired Detroit Public Schools principal, has been instrumental in implementing service-learning in school districts across America.<br /> <br /> You can read about <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/intergenerational-service-learning-student-nursing-home-parker/" target="_blank">fourth graders' nursing home research on ageism stereotypes here.</a><br /><br /> Frances Shani Parker, Author <br /> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i> i</a>s available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. Visit </font><i style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog</a> and </i><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" style="font-family: times;" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a>.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-80285356108604087092021-09-01T01:08:00.008-04:002021-09-02T13:06:58.260-04:00Are You Asking People to Tell You Your Name? <p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh7hCEa1JQKP6UD3n_x5K55SIEmL5VjlKU7nPl1cIiXv1Ok7u11at8ZPO9PQOxQS5SOii8HXIsgprcxVikkyhFYvmJMZHW36lJq8Y3WsxLpjpREeFW34S-nGG6TmpuQ-8iT7T3Kpq2q3N7/s184/what-name-sm.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="181" data-original-width="184" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh7hCEa1JQKP6UD3n_x5K55SIEmL5VjlKU7nPl1cIiXv1Ok7u11at8ZPO9PQOxQS5SOii8HXIsgprcxVikkyhFYvmJMZHW36lJq8Y3WsxLpjpREeFW34S-nGG6TmpuQ-8iT7T3Kpq2q3N7/w207-h194/what-name-sm.jpg" width="207" /></a> </span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">Seriously, if you do this, please stop asking people living with dementia to tell you your name when you greet them. Don't start the conversation with a test they might fail along with your hurt feelings when they do fail. </span><span style="font-family: times;">Just say your name and who you are.</span><span style="font-family: times;"> </span><span style="font-family: times;">If they decide to give you another name, that may be okay, too. Don't say that person has been dead ten years, and you told them that 925 times. Don't say that dead people are never coming to visit them again, so quit asking about them or you will take them to the cemetery to see their graves as proof.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Can we all just get along and lighten up? As a hospice volunteer over 20 years mostly in Detroit nursing homes, I have learned there is no one way of handling dementia issues. A lot depends on the level of the disease a person has and their reality. Personally, I have enjoyed impersonating other people sometimes. For example, I have pretended to be a male hospice patient's deceased wife. When I entered his room the first time, he grinned widely, called me Judy, and said how glad he was to see me. Instinctively, I decided to try being Judy, even though I knew from the brief information I had been given about him that Judy, his deceased wife, had been dead several years.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">From that day until he died, I entered his reality world as Judy whenever he decided that was who I was. Although neither one of us sang too well, we loved crooning old Motown songs when we reminisced about our dates at Belle Isle Park when we were married. Passing ships, seasonal surroundings, and our general joy were back-in-the-day scenarios we revisited. I often let him take the lead with his descriptive memories that were enlightening, amusing, and welcoming to me. I felt like I was right where I belonged being Judy. I knew we were making progress on some level.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;">When each visit ended, we BOTH had created more wonderful memories of our special time together at the nursing home. We could recall later with pleasure our experiences featuring a union of minds that made perfect sense to us.</span><span style="font-family: times;"> And I</span><span style="font-family: times;"> knew that I could always go back to being Frances Shani Parker in my own reality world any time.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>Frances Shani Parker, an eldercare consultant and retired school principal, is author of </span><i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a>. </i><span>This</span><span> book</span><i> </i><span>is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. Visit</span><a href=" http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank"><i> </i><span>Frances Shani Parker's website</span></a><span>.</span> </span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-88905446259801791452021-08-02T02:07:00.002-04:002021-08-02T02:07:57.912-04:00Life After Death Dementia Story<div class="date-posts" style="border-top: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); clear: both; margin: 0px -15px; padding: 8px 15px 0px;"><div class="post-outer" style="border-bottom: none; border-top: none; margin: 0px -15px; padding: 0px 15px 10px;"><div class="post hentry" itemprop="blogPost" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="http://schema.org/BlogPosting" style="min-height: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-6147993975564700761" itemprop="articleBody" style="line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 536px;"><div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd8whxTZX6y0ecRAj3rUebZz-prJrtlTHe6conGRrSqIqowAIoSrmB3TdX3uLnMS4xELyw9KvNtK27FUkPi3RZuFQnGasEI9FvdEo2NoilEWGrxwTJOXnArh7YBEAH2WP_68hbUym7hM89/s1600/cemetery.night+copy.jpeg" style="color: #4d469c; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd8whxTZX6y0ecRAj3rUebZz-prJrtlTHe6conGRrSqIqowAIoSrmB3TdX3uLnMS4xELyw9KvNtK27FUkPi3RZuFQnGasEI9FvdEo2NoilEWGrxwTJOXnArh7YBEAH2WP_68hbUym7hM89/s200/cemetery.night+copy.jpeg" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(255, 255, 255); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="200" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>This true story is from my book <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration-line: none;">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.</a><br /></i><br />When Mamie Wilson (pseudonym) became my hospice patient, she had several unusual qualities that made me wonder. At sixty-five, she was the youngest person assigned to me after years of volunteering at various Detroit nursing homes. She had the same name as my grandmother, and I had her grandmother's name. When we made these discoveries during our first meeting, we took them as signs that we were destined to have a great patient - volunteer relationship. In time, however, I learned that the most unusual thing about Mamie was what she said.<br /><br />“Is your mother alive?” Mamie asked me one day.<br /><br />“No, she died a few years ago in her eighties,” I responded.<br /><br />“You know, you can still be with her and talk to her if you want to.”<br /><br />“Oh, I know we can still communicate.”<br /><br />“No, I mean for real. You can be with her in person. Just get her clothes together and her shoes. Don’t forget her coat. They say it’s cold outside. Take them to the cemetery where she’s buried. Just set them on top of her grave and wait. She’ll rise out of her grave and put them on. Then you can take her home with you. In every way, she’ll be the same person you knew. Other people won’t be able to see her, but you will.”<br /><br />“Hmm. I’ve never heard that before.”<br /><br />Mamie responded, “Most people haven’t. I know about it because I did it with my two grown sons. They were both murdered on the same day in a drive-by shooting. I didn’t know how I would get through the pain. Finally, I took their clothes to the cemetery and did what I just told you. Both of them came home with me. It was the best day of my life. I got my sons back.” Satisfied, she smiled.<br /><br />Some people will dismiss this story as crazed comments of a demented woman. But if you really listen, you’ll hear the magnificent empowerment in her words.<br /><br />Frances Shani Parker, Author<br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration-line: none;"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i></a><br /><span>This</span><span> book</span><i> </i><span>is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. </span></span><span>Visit</span><i><a href=" http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank"> </a></i><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a></span></div></div><div class="post-footer" style="line-height: 1.6; margin: 1.5em 0px 0px;"><div class="post-footer-line post-footer-line-3" style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span class="reaction-buttons" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 1em;"></span></div></div></div></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-23268515340848868562021-07-12T21:07:00.005-04:002021-07-13T14:00:33.853-04:00Asexuality Among the Old and Young (Video 4:55)<div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_t5X9YGbMM4NC2oI4l2Bba7OhdKwzMrX4kaNUO3SjVSOWuWzQZPtrAYBXg7roYjHYT72eXG1a-Bz-MDRpYsJ2lMqUDjPCurAkoqfrdR0-675oZ0ce631iLbZepYVyX5Vyoc2pW8PssKj3/s130/asexuals-existsm.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="130" data-original-width="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_t5X9YGbMM4NC2oI4l2Bba7OhdKwzMrX4kaNUO3SjVSOWuWzQZPtrAYBXg7roYjHYT72eXG1a-Bz-MDRpYsJ2lMqUDjPCurAkoqfrdR0-675oZ0ce631iLbZepYVyX5Vyoc2pW8PssKj3/s0/asexuals-existsm.png" /></span></a></div></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>Asexuality is a medically approved sexual orientation including about 1% of people who represent millions worldwide. Because you may have contact with them in any area of your life including your workplace, it's important to understand their concerns in adjusting to a predominantly heterosexual, sex-oriented society. While the behaviors of asexual people vary, they have the same emotional needs as everyone else. They </span><span>may feel embarrassed, isolated or confused because they are different from the standard </span><span>society </span><span>conveys as normal sexuality. They are a diverse community with people experiencing relationships in various ways. This includes loving relationships in which they have no sexual attraction and are not trying to be abstinent or celibate. Emotional and romantic attractions are not the same as sexual attractions.</span></span><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>People often wrongly stereotype many older adults as being asexual simply because they are old. The reality is that older adult asexuals have never had any interest in sex or sexual attraction towards others. Because the media focus on asexuality emphasizes younger adults, older asexuals have more difficulty finding resources and supportive groups to share their concerns in an environment of acceptance. Fortunately, the <a href="https://www.asexuality.org/ " target="_blank">Asexual Visibility and </a></span><a href="https://www.asexuality.org/ " target="_blank">Education Network (AVEN)</a> hosts the world's largest online asexual community and a large archive of resources that can benefit anyone interested in this topic. <i></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span>What were the probable concerns of older adults when they were young? In the following </span><span>video </span>titled "5 Asexual People Explain What "Asexual" Means to Them," young asexual people share their experiences and provide better understanding of asexual life in general.</span></div></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> <iframe frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://youtube.com/embed/lMhix4nr_0g" width="480"></iframe></span><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author</span></div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a></i> </span><span>is available in paperback and ebook editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. Visit my website at<a href=" http://www.francesshaniparker.com/"> http://www.francesshaniparker.com/</a>. </span></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-17931280816554833192021-07-05T09:17:00.001-04:002021-07-05T09:22:09.295-04:00 Black Children and Healthcare Disparities (Video 2:48)<div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span><div style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihZLdPTHLbiuCeZX7-RlJ7J62EmvzuuCV-ggLy-Rn7arI9F66gQPcqmqkdVgdOVmMALf8_Mn8BcEswh_RAN_G_115Lhaq8mJfLx0Zks-n7Kbz8WIfntYF_X5mzqZ1jPuZ6D81PKPAqA32H/s1600/Espen-Faugstad-Photo.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihZLdPTHLbiuCeZX7-RlJ7J62EmvzuuCV-ggLy-Rn7arI9F66gQPcqmqkdVgdOVmMALf8_Mn8BcEswh_RAN_G_115Lhaq8mJfLx0Zks-n7Kbz8WIfntYF_X5mzqZ1jPuZ6D81PKPAqA32H/s1600/Espen-Faugstad-Photo.jpg" /></a></div><div dir="ltr" style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: times;">Healthcare disparities are inequalities that exist when members of certain populations do not benefit from the same healthcare as other groups. H</span></span><span style="font-family: times;"><span>ealthcare disparities victimize adults and children. </span><span>Unfortunately, </span><span>for many Black people, disparities are cradle-to-grave tragedies beginning at birth. </span>Disparities include not only the high percentages in disease rankings such as heart disease, cancer, stroke, and diabetes, but also procedures such as pain treatment. A disturbing study of America’s emergency rooms reveals that Black children receive substantially less pain control for appendicitis.</span></span></div><div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"><div><div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><br />In America, Black healthcare disparities are a sickness in the healthcare system, a systemic overt-covert racism or stereotypical racial perceptions of pain that is not being addressed effectively. This is not only a healthcare issue, but a moral one. While some may see this only as a Black issue, it isn’t. Healthcare disparities impact not only individuals victimized by them, but also their families, their communities, and the nation. With generational suffering and repercussions on many levels, illnesses create long-term economic burdens and major losses of productivity.<br /><br />The following video addresses a study of America’s emergency room disparities revealing that Black children receive substantially less pain control for appendicitis than non-Black children.</span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</style></span></div></div></div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><div><span><br /></span></div><br /></span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YUtvr9b66Jk?rel=0" width="560"></iframe><o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><!--EndFragment--><span><br /></span></span><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /><span>Frances Shani Parker, Author<br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes </i></a>is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";">Visit my website at </span><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com/" style="background-color: white; color: purple; font-family: "Times New Roman";" target="_blank">www.francesshaniparker.com</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";">.</span></span></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-78411766135338215342021-06-13T07:40:00.005-04:002022-02-17T00:20:52.138-05:00 Male Caregiver Interview: Frances Shani Parker and Frank Gasiorek<p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRoOcD-eiebgAlwmSMw3j4KENlbT38LuwGXChr2LlLLMon0MxQTR83B4Hx3b7i0HfpMtMwEke-CtBMMnNyaeoNf6Mhoz1A2sdRdC9l5lCiX6D3gYqyvmJy8jwpKyhw16aQc6Li4mHqKb_l/s200/Gasiorek.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="182" data-original-width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRoOcD-eiebgAlwmSMw3j4KENlbT38LuwGXChr2LlLLMon0MxQTR83B4Hx3b7i0HfpMtMwEke-CtBMMnNyaeoNf6Mhoz1A2sdRdC9l5lCiX6D3gYqyvmJy8jwpKyhw16aQc6Li4mHqKb_l/s0/Gasiorek.jpg" /></a></span></p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> Catherine and Frank Gasiorek<br /><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times;">I met Frank Gasiorek during a time when he was devoted to taking care of his ill mother who died. Like millions of people carrying personal stories others will never know, he told me he was a caregiver after I happened to mention my involvement with eldercare. </span><span style="font-family: times;">According to </span><a href="https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2017/hidden-male-caregiver.html" style="font-family: times;" target="_blank">AARP</a><span style="font-family: times;">, the typical caregiver is a middle-aged woman caring for a relative, often her mother. Nowadays, 40 percent of the 40 million Americans caring for loved ones are men. They may accept a caregiving role while having little experience and may be less inclined to reveal their problems to others. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">From my conversations with Frank, I began to view him as an excellent role model for caregivers in general, especially men. In this interview with me, he shared his caregiving journey:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">1)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">Frank, how did you become your mother’s primary caregiver?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">I began my role as my mother's primary caregiver due to being an only son with siblings living out of state. Also, having a strong bond with a person who was a dedicated single parent and mentor during my early childhood years gave me the desire to give back and return the service.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">2)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">What concerns do you think are unique to caregiving of a parent by an adult child, especially one of the opposite sex?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Sometimes different interests and backgrounds may be factors. However, the realization that I only get one of these, a unique person and mother, is important. As the years passed and more personal care and attention were needed, my mother stated she did not want to live her final years outside of her home. She also did not want outsider care assistance. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Acceptance of my role as a male caregiver had to be addressed. No longer am I the son. I had to explain to my mother that, when I step in as the caregiver, she needs to respect the care she receives. I am the professional person providing home care. There have been times when she returned from the hospital and then to rehab and back home. I did contract some part-time assistance with homecare nursing for the short term. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">3)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">Has your being a male made you less prepared or efficient as a caregiver?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Having worked previously within the healthcare system has exposed me to the assistance that comes with caregiving. In addition, having been rooted in human sensitivity has provided me with a foundation to complement the needs of the healthcare person.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">4)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">What are some resources that you have found to be especially helpful and that you would recommend for others?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Always consider the local church, community and city services that offer guidance and support. Public and private agencies are easy to research via the Internet.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">5)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">Do you communicate regularly with other caregivers for support?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Having a network of colleagues associated with caregiving is essential to maintaining balance. A support group with other caregivers creates a bond of positive feedback. Primary physician support staff members are often good individuals for consultations. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">6)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">Caregiving can be stressful and socially isolating. Have you experienced this? If so, how do you cope with these challenges?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">My network of support helps to keep me balanced when I experience challenges. We allow one another to vent our daily drama of caring for loved ones.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">7)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">What rewards have you enjoyed as a caregiver?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Spiritually satisfying, caregiving brings the joy of assisting another person for the common good. Keeping a person exposed to dignity and love is uplifting to the spirit.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">8)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">What advice would you give to other caregivers now that you understand what this responsibility entails?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Caregiving is not for everyone. Caregiving is not easy. Caregiving takes planning and involves orchestrating many daily human needs of an individual. Always maintain space between caregiving assignments and appointments to recharge.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: blue;">9)<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">How can those who are not caregivers support those who are?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Financial support would seem to be the easy answer. Nonetheless, periodic backup team members who are not caregivers can greatly assist primary caregivers. For example, team members can provide helpful phone calls to caregivers and homebound individuals.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"> <span style="color: blue;">10) Do you have any final words?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Caregiving is a rewarding experience. As our mature population continues to live longer and more independently, there is an increasing need for caregiving at different levels. Respect for life must be admired, honored and planned for to create quality life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Frank, thank you for sharing your caregiver experience. Your firsthand knowledge will be beneficial to caregivers, patients and many others involved in improving quality of life for those in need of caregiving assistance.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Frances Shani Parker, Author</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=" target="_blank"><i>Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</i> </a>is available in paperback at many booksellers in America and other countries and in paperback and e-book forms at Amazon booksellers. Visit my website at <a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com">www.francesshaniparker.com</a>.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></span></div></span></div><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-74289975859904794452021-05-03T07:49:00.003-04:002021-05-03T08:00:42.232-04:00Cremation Pros and Cons <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">Cremation is
definitely in the mainstream these days as a method of body disposal. People
are finding interesting ways to dispose ashes or cremains of loved ones.
Traditionally, cremains are often stored by families who keep them in urns and
other containers that vary in their uniqueness. These may include vases with
pedestals or even personalized teddy bears with hidden pouches. Teddy bears can
be sewn from the deceased person’s clothes. Among other uses, cremains are
being used in jewelry, shotgun shells, and fireworks. In terms of destinations,
cremains can be stored in cemetery plots, mausoleum, or scattered in a garden
or body of water. They can even be sent aloft into outer space into luna orbit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">But love for
cremations is not embraced by everyone. Even though they are cheaper than
traditional burials and better in terms of ecology, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29058571">some view cremations as morally inadequate.</a> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">They believe
cremations include "the destruction of community memory, and, by extension,
community and individual identity. Cremations deprive the living of these
benefits, while also treating the dead in a way which goes against common
intuitions about personhood, anthropology and respect for the will of the
deceased.” They believe death and the corpse are too important to be
marginalized by cremation, depriving individuals and communities in terms of
social ethics.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">Like many other
death-related practices, people should make plans in advance regarding disposal
of their bodies in a manner they approve and want. If cremation is selected,
they should also plan for disposal of the cremains. This includes making sure
they are following the law regarding where they do the disposal. Disposal at Disney World and Disneyland, a popular trend for some, has
become a nuisance for others.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;">Frances Shani Parker, Author<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1"><i><span style="color: #4d469c;">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing
Homes</span></i><span style="color: #4d469c;"> </span></a><span style="color: black;">is available in paperback and e-book editions in America
and other countries at online and offline booksellers.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #4d469c;"><a href="http://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/" style="font-style: italic;">Hospice
and Nursing Homes Blog</a><i>, </i><a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></i></div>
</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-54724539472152017592021-04-05T12:12:00.001-04:002021-04-05T14:03:46.191-04:00Can Volunteer Service Choose You? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbdCFgOoWcZ43fiYsT6NemRSDhMoxlwpHr0cwQZWcd6LIeqRUzDeBPVtVJYkb7ti17C_dTSY9-lDECa3-TZyXtLQMB06lHKFo2_MvT_88_fAjG7JtUOC4ZxE8q6TgMqeLOa1hAXt29iMfK/s200/volunteer2.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="100" data-original-width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbdCFgOoWcZ43fiYsT6NemRSDhMoxlwpHr0cwQZWcd6LIeqRUzDeBPVtVJYkb7ti17C_dTSY9-lDECa3-TZyXtLQMB06lHKFo2_MvT_88_fAjG7JtUOC4ZxE8q6TgMqeLOa1hAXt29iMfK/s0/volunteer2.png" /></a></span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large; text-align: left;"> </span></div><p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">If you are a volunteer, have you ever thought that you didn't choose volunteer service, but that it chose you? I have been a hospice volunteer for twenty years, most of them in urban nursing homes. But I can remember when I dreaded being around sick people. Mostly, I felt I didn't have skills to do the right things in a healthcare environment where somebody might get hurt if I messed up. Once in high school as part of a school club, I visited a nursing home where I fed a woman jello. Years later, jello still reminded me of her and the nursing home, but not in a good way. Volunteering with sick people? Nope, no way! Not me!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">So what changed me? Life did. During the 90's, AIDS caused by the HIV virus was like a pandemic in the LGBTQ community. Infected people were often ostracized, criticized, demonized, and dying. I was principal of an urban public school in an area of high poverty, crime and homelessness. Although I had plenty to do on my crowded plate, I felt right at home. <span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">However, over a three-year period, I was thrust into life-threatening dilemmas of two gay men I hardly knew. They were my introductions to long-term care of the terminally ill.</span></span></p><p><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white; font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Jake, who was in his 30's, came around to talk sometimes after school dismissal. He was showing signs of dementia. He complained about being harassed by invisible people all the time. His boyfriend left him, and he had no family support. I knew he couldn't navigate the healthcare system alone. Eventually, I convinced him and his unseen tormenters to pile into my compact car, buckle up, and let me drive everybody to the hospital where Jake was admitted immediately. Later, he was placed in a nursing home that he said the invisible people did not like. They left, but I looked out for him until he died several months after that.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">I thought that surreal scenario would never happen again, but it did a few months later with a </span><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">man named Sam who was in my exercise class. I didn't really know him, but I asked him what was wrong when I saw him crying in the parking lot one day after class. He told me he had AIDS and had just lost his job because he had missed too much work. He had little family support because they knew he had AIDS and were reluctant to be around him or go to his house. I found him an HIV-AIDS support group which he loved, helped him on his medical journey, and learned more about healthcare and myself in the process. I believe good service is always win-win when I am open to my own growth. Fortunately, his condition improved greatly when better medications became available. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">Several months later after Sam had moved on, I met a friend I had not seen in quite a while who told me she was a hospice volunteer. I actually asked her what a hospice volunteer does and was surprised when I realized that was what I had been doing with the two men. </span><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">I had been a hospice volunteer all that time and didn't even know it. </span><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">A few weeks later, I saw a newspaper ad recruiting people for hospice volunteer training. I decided to take the classes and become certified in case another very ill person showed up in my life. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">Of course, t</span><span style="background-color: white;">he rest is history</span><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">. T</span><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.75)" style="background-color: white;">erminally ill people have come into my life often as patients assigned to me in various nursing homes where I have experienced compelling challenges and satisfying rewards. My book, <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352?ie=UTF8&keywords=becoming%20dead%20right&qid=1417769603&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</a> </i>shares captivating stories, original poems, and more about the nursing home world and hospice volunteering that chose me.</span></span></p><div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Frances Shani Parker, Author</span></div><div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1417769603&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><i style="color: purple;"><span style="color: #4d469c;">Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</span></i><span style="color: #4d469c;"> </span>i</a>s available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. <a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a></span><i><span style="color: #4d469c;"></span></i></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2417858178588416830.post-709365164130771632021-03-01T11:55:00.001-05:002021-04-05T14:35:44.243-04:00Hoarders: Who? Why? How? (Blog Video 3:39) <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1r_HRXctEEYB5lzotKC1_Uzz7dMTWp_7WOo6JbuowzZEucskcA0CpQ_33rG_n_lx4VhKLPGRymV5Dc-g5bRRchizy5CN83HJVbxo_0jpv9gMv1XmiUdn16TeonFIZhhIgvX2t5hKAc_xk/s1600/hoardmag2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="115" data-original-width="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1r_HRXctEEYB5lzotKC1_Uzz7dMTWp_7WOo6JbuowzZEucskcA0CpQ_33rG_n_lx4VhKLPGRymV5Dc-g5bRRchizy5CN83HJVbxo_0jpv9gMv1XmiUdn16TeonFIZhhIgvX2t5hKAc_xk/s1600/hoardmag2.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="highlight" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Hoarding</span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> can
be described as a <span class="highlight">disorder</span> characterized by
excessive acquisitions and persistent difficulty in discarding possessions. These
possessions can be alive or not. </span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">This
disorder continues to be a serious problem for many people that you may or may not
know are hoarders.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">While you may think a
hoarder would be somewhat embarrassed by terrible living conditions, that is
not always the case. I discovered this when a friend I didn’t know was a
hoarder actually invited me inside her one bedroom apartment in the building where we both lived. She displayed no shame
at all about her accumulated chaos.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="apple-style-span">The entry hall was so packed with stacks of “stuff” that
only a narrow passageway remained. This path bordered by mounds of boxes, old
clothes (some that she said her mother had saved from her childhood), unopened TV
purchases and other clutter was overwhelming. When two cats came
running to greet us, I was in shock. </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">Unsanitary and dangerous
living conditions such as these, particularly for older adults, puts them at
increased risk for fire, falling, disability, and other health risks.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;">A systematic study by two reviewers of the literature to
determine the possible causes of hoarding suggests that individuals with </span><span class="highlight" style="background-color: white; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;">hoarding</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;"> behaviors may have a
genetic susceptibility or abnormal neural activity in the brain. Traumatic life
experiences may also predispose individuals to hoard.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 18.45pt; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;">In the following
video, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;">the unsanitary conditions at a California home caused the owner to
become sick and hospitalized. “Inside Edition,” a television show, features Jim
Moret suited up to go inside with the crew assigned to clean the space. A New
York woman's hoarding problem extended beyond the walls of her house and into
her front yard concerning her neighbors. Animal hoarding is also included in
this video.</span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 18.45pt; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media;
gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JbZcPuaidps" width="560"></iframe><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">Frances Shani Parker,
Author</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Dead-Right-Hospice-Volunteer/dp/1932690352/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198336562&sr=1-1"><i><span style="color: #4d469c; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Becoming Dead
Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes</span></i><span style="color: #4d469c; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></a></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">is available in paperback and e-book editions in
America and other countries at online and offline booksellers. <a href="http://www.francesshaniparker.com" target="_blank">Frances Shani Parker's Website</a></span></span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
http://www.francesshaniparker.com/
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com</div>Frances Shani Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13963810627889715839noreply@blogger.com0