Frances Shani Parker, eldercare consultant and Detroit, Michigan author of Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes, writes this blog. Topics include eldercare, hospice, nursing homes, caregiving, dementia, death, bereavement, and older adults in general. News, practices, research, poems, stories, interviews, and videos are used often. In the top right column, you can search for various topics of interest to you. You can also subscribe to this blog or follow it by email.
Holidays are
great times for intergenerational partnerships between young people and older
adults. Both groups can benefit from positive activities that bring them
together. Negative stereotypes about
older adults can be present in children as young as three years old. While
children also learn negative stereotypes from the media and from observing how
others treat older adults, they can learn many positive lessons about them through
their early personal interactions. Older adults often enjoy these connections
that broaden their knowledge, help with caregiving, and lift their spirits.
When intergenerational
partnerships take place in the healthcare arena, there are added bonuses.
Children become more familiar with specifics of aging, issues of illness,
caregiving challenges and rewards, and career choices they may not have
considered. Most young people have no idea what hospice organizations do or
what role they can play in improving the quality of life for terminally ill
patients.
Some healthcare facilities
have teenage volunteers who can do the following assignments:
1. Perform in-office work
including filing, faxing, and preparing admission packets.
2. Host tea parties,
movies, and other social events at nursing homes.
3. Provide one-on-one time
and attention by reading to, writing letters for, playing games with, or simply
talking and listening to patients.
4. Videotape, record, or
make booklets of patients’ life reviews.
5. Assist families with
yard work, cleaning out the garage, planting flowers, small paint jobs, and
home-building projects (i.e. wheelchair ramp).
6. Assist patients and
families by doing errands, walking dogs, picking up groceries, etc.
In this video, student volunteers at Liberty Hospice in Whiteville, NC decorate
dozens of Christmas ornaments for hospice patients.
Frances Shani Parker,
Author
Becoming Dead Right: A
Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
is available in paperback at many booksellers in America and other countries and in e-book form at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers. Hospice and
Nursing Homes Blog
The holidays provide
wonderful opportunities for families and close friends to get together,
reminisce, and have a joyful time. But what about happiness in the future? Eight
out of ten people say it is “very” or “somewhat” important to write down end-of-life wishes, but only 36% actually have written instructions. Why not take advantage
of holiday time together to engage in important end-of life conversations that can
be crucial later in honoring wishes of those you love and yourself.
Engage With Grace is a a movement aimed at promoting these kinds of
conversations using the five questions below. They’re not easy questions, but
they are important and shouldn’t be ignored. Sometimes we think we know what
loved ones want, and we really don’t. Later in life, when several people are
involved in making inevitable decisions about life threatening health matters,
guessing, confusion, and hurt feelings can easily hinder progress. The key to
preventing this negativity is having end-of-life conversations when they can be
positive with personal input regarding what loved ones really want.
Fortunately, many people actually enjoy discussing their answers with loved
ones.
Are you aware that some
chronically ill and dying Americans are receiving more care than they and their
families actually want or benefit from? Add a new gift to your
holidays by including thoughtful conversations that can improve quality of
life. No one knows what the circumstances could be at future family gatherings
during a healthcare crisis. You and your loved ones can benefit greatly from
answering these questions and implementing the suggestions given by being
proactivewhen the time comes:
Frances Shani Parker,
Author
Becoming
Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers in
America and other countries and in e-book form at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.
Near-death experiences have been a source of ongoing
controversy for centuries. Depending on whom you ask, you’ll get totally
different interpretations regarding these profound phenomena of personal
experiences related to impending death. Descriptions from those who are usually
clinically dead often include bright light, sensations of detachment from the
body, travel through space, and intense emotions. Many in the scientific
community refer to these experiences as hallucinations, while paranormal
experts and others support them as evidence of an afterlife.
The Medical Research Council and Brain Sciences Unit
states, “These experiences classically involve the feeling that one's soul has
left the body, approaches a bright light and goes to another reality, where
love and bliss are all encompassing. Contrary to popular belief, research
suggests that there is nothing paranormal about these experiences. Instead,
near-death experiences are the manifestation of normal brain function gone
awry, during a traumatic, and sometimes harmless, event.”
November brings thoughts of
holiday celebrations with family and friends. For caregivers of loved ones with
Alzheimer’s disease, festive thoughts of socializing can seem overwhelming.
They may dread the upcoming gatherings expected during this busy time of year.
These are some questions caregivers ofloved ones with Alzheimer’s disease may be considering:
1)What’s the best time of day to celebrate?
2)Will family and friends be understanding of caregiver
needs and needs of loved ones with Alzheimer’s?
3)What strategies can be used to relieve
stress?
4)How can loved ones with Alzheimer’s be involved as
active participants?
5)What would be good gifts for caregivers and loved ones
with Alzheimer’s to receive?
This Alzheimer’s
Association video is titled Caregiving Through the Holidays. Narrated by Eve Moses, an educator with the
Alzheimer’s Association, it offers practical suggestions that can assist in
making happy holiday memories.
Frances Shani Parker,
Author
Becoming Dead Right: A
Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many
booksellers in America and other countries and in e-book form at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.
America’s first full-service center for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) older adults is located in New York City. The Services and Advocacy of GLBT Elders (SAGE) Center opened earlier this year and serves the
city's five boroughs. Members receive help with everything from health and wellness to
meals and technology. For many of them, the center represents a place for “family” relationships missing due to lack of biological family support because of their sexual orientation.
LGBT older adults and other
sexual minorities have increasingly been discriminated against and abused by
members of society, including healthcare providers and others who resent them
because of their sexual orientation. Damage to their emotional and physical
health has been so devastating that some members of this population have
resorted to suicide. Singlehood and lack of children by most people in this
community add further to their sense of isolation.
There are SAGE Center opponents
who say having a separate center for LGBT populations and promoting their
philosophy is wrong and against the principles of equality, especially if any
taxpayer funds are used to support it. On the other hand, New York Mayor
Michael Bloomberg says it's time to change the "one-size-fits-all"
approach that has traditionally shaped senior centers. SAGE is one of
several organizations awarded an Innovative Senior Center contract by the
mayor’s office and the New York City Department for the Aging. Do you think the
LGBT community should have separate centers?
View more information about the
SAGE Center on this video titled NYC Opens Full-Service LGBT Senior Center:
Frances Shani
Parker, an eldercare consultant, writer and former school principal, has been a
dedicated hospice volunteer for many years. In addition to serving nursing home
residents, she is author of Becoming Dead Right: A
Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes (paperback, e-book) and writes a popular blog titled Hospice
and Nursing Homes Blog. Featured
in various eldercare media, she was interviewed on the television show Aging
Well in America. She shares her experiences and general eldercare
information that can benefit others, especially hospice and other healthcare volunteers. The video interview below covers these topics:
Hospice
Hospice
Volunteer Training
Nursing Homes
(Long-Term Care)
Volunteering
Caregiving
Dementia
Death
Preparations
Intergenerational
Partnerships
Older Adult
Stereotypes
Frances Shani Parker,
Author
Becoming Dead Right: A
Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
is available in paperback at many booksellers in America and other countries
and in e-book editions at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.
Sundown is usually time to
wind down and embrace the peaceful restoration that comes with night. For 20% of older adults with Alzheimer’s disease, however, sundown means just the
opposite. They experience a phenomenon known as sundown syndrome when expectations and energy levels rise to greet new excitement
and activities. Caregivers reluctantly face another nightly challenge of
interrupted or nonexistent sleep caused by constant monitoring. When sleep does come, worries about the
safety of loved ones invade their dreams.
While
adult day care programs are popular, many people could benefit greatly if they
had more night care support designed
for people who are living at home and require constant supervision during the
night. ElderServ at Night, located at the Hebrew Home at Riverdale in New York, is such a
program. They accept Medicaid, and they also
have a day program.
Adult night care is particularly helpful for people who suffer with sundown syndrome or other sleep disturbances that keep them awake during the night when
they may become anxious and fearful without activities to keep them occupied. The night care program
relieves caregivers of stress and allows them to sleep well knowing that their
loved ones are being cared for throughout the night. This video showcases ElderServ at Night.
Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban
Nursing Homes is available in
paperback and e-book editions at many booksellers in America and other countries. Two online booksellers are
Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
Some people have jobs that seldom require discussions about workplace
injuries. The possibility of getting injured is viewed as the potential result
of a rare incident not associated with normal job requirements or physical
confrontation with other people. A former school principal, I have had my share
of incidents breaking up students' fights and calming overly disgruntled
parents. Using a planned prevention approach, I was usually successful at
avoiding serious injury to myself.
As a hospice volunteer in nursing homes, I noticed early on that
schools and nursing homes have a lot in common. In both locations, the daily risks of workplace injuries due
to combative or non-combative reasons were real for many workers. The following
is an excerpt from my book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice
Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes that explains shared similarities between schools and nursing homes
regarding potential workplaceinjuries caused by physical assaults.
“Dementia is
like a fluttering bee. I never knew when it would make honey or sting. There
were times when patients with dementia were rude or violent. I have seen a
patient slap a nursing assistant’s face with such force I thought she would fall
over. To her credit, the CNA took a deep breath and walked away while
another assistant interceded. The patientprobably forgot the incident soon afterward. During violent situations
involving patients with dementia, caregivers had to protect themselves,
restrain a patient if they could, but resist expressing rage and fighting
back.”
Nurses and certified nursing assistants (CNA’s) have many documented
occurrences of non-combative workplace injuries related to their care of
patients. In a Colorado workplace injuries study done with 35 individuals from the State Board of
Nursing public list of CNA’s, they were surveyed about their work injuries and
the circumstances under which the injuries occurred. Almost 46% of the
respondents reported having hurt themselves while lifting, moving, or helping a
patient, with 40% specifically reporting having incurred a back injury. Eleven
of the injured respondents (79%) were working in nursing homes at the time the
injury occurred. This indicates a need for more research and education for
CNA’s about injury prevention, particularly in nursing home environments.
Frances Shani
Parker, Author Becoming Dead
Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers in
Americaand other countries and in
e-book form at
Amazon booksellers.
Fall is a time when
the topic of influenza vaccines or flu shots becomes prevalent. Many
communities make flu shots available for older adults. A large population
believes the vaccine reduces the risk of dying in nursing homes.
How well are
nursing home residents improved by flu shots? Research reported in
the Journals
of Gerontology shows a lot depends on
residents’ functional status. In a study done over several months with 711
nursing home residents, participants were divided into these categories: good
functioning, intermediate functioning, and poor functioning. In terms of
functionality, influenza vaccination was associated with reduced all-cause
mortality in older nursing home residents with different functional statuses. Influenza vaccine efficacy in reducing mortalitydeclined with increasingly impaired
functional status.
What about the importance of
flu shots for the rest of the population? The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is a US government agency focused on improving overall public health. This agency advises
everyone to get a flu shot. For many, this is still a controversial issue.Some say the shots are safe,
convenient, and may save lives. Others say they are not safe for some
people, do not guarantee people won’t get the flu, may have side effects, and may
even cause people to get the flu (not true because viruses are dead). What do
you think?
Frances Shani Parker,
Author
Becoming Dead Right: A
Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
is available in paperback at many booksellers in America and other countries
and in e-book form at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.
Although unique funerals
continue to increase in popularity, cremation is definitely in the mainstream
these days as a method of body disposal. People are finding interesting ways to
dispose ashes or cremains of loved ones.
Traditionally, cremains are
often stored by families who keep them in urns and other containers that vary
in their uniqueness. These may include vases with pedestals or even
personalized teddy bears with hidden pouches. Teddy bears can be sewn from the
deceased person’s clothes. Among other uses, cremains are being used in
jewelry, shotgun shells, and fireworks. In terms of destinations, cremains can
be stored in cemetery plots, mausoleum, or scattered in a garden or body of
water. For $5,300 cremains can be sent aloft into outer space, while $13,000
can send them into luna orbit.
One research study on
cremation focused on how 87 people described their experiences with cremation,
cremains disposal, and rituals regardingtheir deceased loved ones. How did they view the experience? They felt
the experiences were positive. Most research participants preferred to be
cremated and honored through nontraditional rituals themselves.
With so many choices
available, people should make plans in advance regarding disposal of their
cremains if they choose to be cremated. In this video titled Scattering
Parents’ Ashes, a daughter fulfills
her deceased parents’ dream of world travel. View the unusual way she
accomplishes this that includes many other people. If you choose to be
cremated, what would you want to happen to your cremains after death?
Miss Ruby with Hospice Volunteer Frances Shani Parker
You’re a hospice-palliative
care volunteer coordinator with a volunteer quota you’re always striving to
maintain.Can secrets to keeping
them be found in this research reported in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care?
In this
study, the 33-item Volunteer Retention Questionnaire was
used to determine what really motivates volunteers to keep doing this work that
baffled onlookers often tell us must be depressing. (If they only knew how much we enjoy it!) With responses from 119 hospice-palliative care
volunteers from three community-based hospice programs, these were the results
of how volunteers rated the importance of items in their decisions to keep on
volunteering:
1)First and foremost, they enjoyed the
work itself. (Imagine that!)
2)They felt adequately prepared/trained to
perform their duties. (Coordinators, you’re doing a good job here!)
3)They learned from their patients’ experiences and from
listening to their stories. (Remember listen and learn?)
An interesting result is that
being recognized (service pins, newsletters, etc.), volunteer coordinator phone
calls and cards, and reimbursement for out-of-pocket expenses were among the
lowest rated in retention importance. Personally, I think this
speaks to the sincere and giving nature of volunteers, but these should still
continue on some level. Praise is still a big motivator.
Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban
Nursing Homes is available in paperback at
many booksellers in America and other countries and in e-book form at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.
Although many caregivers are
actively involved in patient care for a considerable amount of time, they may
not be confident or knowledgeable sometimes about the specifics of caring for
someone else while maintaining their own quality of life. In addition, thoughts
of preparing for a loved one’s death and their own future bereavement after the
loved one dies often lurk in the background of their daily living.
Healthcare providers can be a great source of support and information for
caregivers in terms of confidence building and advisement.
The National Family
Caregivers Association shares the following four-point message of advice for
caregivers:
1)Believe in yourself.
2)Protect your health.
3)Reach out for help.
4)Speak up for your rights.
Frances Shani Parker,
Author
Becoming
Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book
form at
Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.
New Grandparents Mitch and Lonnetta White with Amelia
Becoming
grandparents for the first time can be quite spectacular, especially for older
adults. My friends Lonnetta and Mitch White recently began this wonderful
journey just in time for Grandparents Day on September 9th. Their contagious
excitement over the birth of "Miss Amelia" prompted me to feature
them on this blog. Not surprisingly, they were eager to share their pride,
joys, concerns, and expectations in this interview.
1) What were your thoughts as you anticipated the arrival of your first
grandchild?
Lonnetta
I have/had feelings
of extreme happiness, joy, and excitement!
My thoughts were
fantasies of how wonderful it is going to be to love and spoil a grandchild the
way I was loved and spoiled by my paternal grandmother.
Mitch
I remembered the
anticipated arrival of my son.Of
course, in those days we didn’t know if we were having a girl or boy. The
imaging technology simply hadn’t gotten that far. But I was there in the
delivery room and had the privilege of seeing Amelia when she emerged from the
delivery room. What a wonderful opportunity!
2) How
did you feel during the first days after Amelia was born?
Lonnetta
I felt proud and on
top of the world. I was also pleased that she was FINALLY here healthy and
absolutely gorgeous! I felt blessed to see, hold, kiss, cuddle, and in all ways
experience my granddaughter.
Mitch
I was elated, in wonder of
this child who came here with her eyes wide open.
3) What do you love most about this new chapter in you life?
Lonnetta
Life is good! Optimism is a constant companion and more easily accessible. My existence
has given me a new lens through which I view the world. Every time I think of
her I find myself smiling!
Mitch
She’s been here
before!
4) Grandparents are an important influence in their grandchildren’s lives. How
does Amelia influence your life?
Lonnetta
I brag incessantly.
I now have a subscription to a magazine on parenting. In addition, I read
all articles about babies and parenting. I want to do all that I can to help
her to be the best at whatever it is she wants to be.
Mitch
I am the proud
grandpa who never loses an occasion to show the latest picture or video of
Amelia. She’s the most observant child I have ever seen. I just want to
be called Grampa, not Grandpa, but simply Grampa.
8)What advice do you have for other
grandparents in making their grandparent journey
successful?
Lonnetta
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE
your precious little ones! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Encourage and support them
in their endeavors to become happy, successful adults.
Mitch
I’m too early in
this wonderful adventure to offer advice to others, but I do know that,
whether you’re raising a child or supporting your grandchildren, it’s extremely
important to show them love by attending to their needs, teaching them to
share, and helping them to grow beyond themselves. Right now, Amelia is understandably
egocentric. The world is her oyster. Getting her in another structured
environment is the next step towards preparing her to interact with the
world. She’ll be ready sooner than we think. She’s been here
before.
Lonnetta and Mitch, thank you so much for
your insightful responses to these questions on grandparenting. Happy Grandparents Day! Of course, our
interview would not be complete without Amelia having her say. Welcome to the world, Amelia!
Another Wonderful Grandchild! Welcome to the World, Emory!
Mitch
Emory's parents (Angie and Pops (Mitch, II) told us of the probable arrival of a new child in June 2015 while we were helping Miss Amelia celebrate her third birthday. We were all extremely excited. But I am Old School and did not want to know the sex of the new baby until Angie gave birth. I felt the same way when she was pregnant with Amelia. Someone let the secret out.
We wanted to be there at her birth just as we were when Amelia was born. But another set of grandparents who were not there when Amelia was born had their turn. Lonnetta and I were introduced to Emory when she was two weeks old by Amelia. It was very clear that Amelia was Emory's big sister. We witnessed the beginning of a bond that only gets stronger (in spite of the occasional sister tugs of war).
Lonnetta
I was surprised to learn that our daughter-in-law was pregnant and happy to know that another grandchild was on the way. Since becoming Nana (my first choice was Granny), I am consumed with a desire to nurture, please and satisfy. Becoming Emory's grandparent is a blessing. It is another opportunity to witness and contribute to the
existence, development and maturation of a very special individual.
Looking at Emory after she was born, I already knew I would do all I can to encourage her to be a proactive person who cares about improving society. I could already dream of her success in whatever field she chooses. I knew then that I wanted her to be a confident, independent and successful young woman. Emory's birth affirmed once again that children are God's gift to us. The miracle of meeting Emory was breathtaking.
