You have been knocked down flat on your back due to an
accident, surgery, or a disease. A reluctant patient, you have never felt this
bad before. With the flu, injuries, minor surgeries, etc. you figured out how
to make do. After all, you are strong, smart, self-sufficient at taking good
care of your own needs. Other people rely on you, not the other way around.
Being an independent spirit is your trademark. But not today.
Caregivers mean well, but they basically remind you of your
vulnerability, weakness, inability to control your own life, and, most of all,
your dependence on them. They don’t always do things the way you want them
done. They don’t know where all your stuff is, what you like or dislike, your
intimacies that are none of their business. Surely, your life has not come to
this. But it has. This is how to meet the challenge.
1)
Sooner or later (later is better), everyone needs help.
It’s the nature of living, the reason you don’t live in a world where you are
the only person. Oh, you may be a loner, a recluse, an “I don’t need anybody”
person. You may even be a person who readily helps others, but you just don’t
want help from them on a large scale. Lots of people fall into this category.
2)
It’s time to accept the true meaning of giving and
receiving. They are reciprocal opportunities, win-win in every way when caring
hearts and grateful acceptance guide them. This is the basis of real relationships.
Your time has come for openness to potential growth that will impact your reality.
3)
To keep this relationship moving smoothly, remember to
be respectful, flexible, patient, helpful, and grateful. Be as proactive as you
can. You may be surprised at how many people really do want to help you. Spread
out big and small caregiving assignments among several caregivers, especially
if they are volunteering their time. No one wants be taken for granted. They
have lives, too. For now, you and your caregivers can experience possibilities of other layers of
living through one another.
Highly independent Ward Flynn, a cancer patient, understands
your predicament well. In this video, he shares what he did when “the bottom
fell out,” and he had to face the dreaded task of accepting caregiving support.
Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available
in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries.
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