Loneliness, an unpleasant
emotional response to isolation, is a topic that is often avoided, even though
everyone has probably experienced it at some time. As a hospice volunteer, I
have seen many lonely older adults. Research on loneliness suggests that not
having positive social relationships in one’s life is a significant risk factor
in terms of “broad-based
morbidity and mortality.” An important factor is how the person perceives
social isolation. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. As the older
adult population continues to age and decline in health, perceived loneliness can impair executive functioning, sleep, and mental and physical well-being.
The
following includes an excerpt from my book from a chapter exploring the
importance of being remembered and other emotional nourishment patients need to
feel whole.
“Everybody
at the senior citizen center asks about you all the time,” I read aloud to
Jeannine from a letter she had received earlier that week. “We still meet every
week to play bridge and gossip. It’s not the same without you. People say you
were the best bridge player. These days, even I’m winning games. Last week, we
had our annual spring party. The last time you came, the two of us ate most of
the cookies and didn’t feel embarrassed at all (smile). We sure had some good
times together.”
Jeannine
stopped me to explain everything, just in case I hadn’t understood what I had
read. “See, I learned how to play bridge a long time ago when hardly anybody I
knew was playing. My friend Laura taught me because she needed a partner to
play with her. I learned as a favor to her and to make new friends. I guess I
caught on fast. Next thing I knew, I was teaching her a few things. I remember
eating those cookies, too. And they were delicious. We played pranks all the
time. We were just a bunch of overgrown kids having a ball cracking jokes
whenever we got together.”
Jeannine
had been going to the center for sixteen years. Now, she was in a nursing home
away from the buffet of fun they had created. But none of that mattered today.
What mattered was that they still cared about her, and she had this cherished
letter to prove it. She experienced a mental feast of enjoyment. I smiled,
knowing her satisfaction was caused by something she had eaten, something
called love food.”
©
Frances Shani Parker
This
video explores a resident's loneliness and the
importance of being remembered.
Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming
Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available
in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and
offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog
