Funny Hospice Caregiving Stories

Look at this face. If you think hospice patients and their caregivers are never this happy, you don’t know jack about hospice care. Whenever I tell people I’m a hospice volunteer, they usually respond with strong empathy for the difficult and sad work I must be doing. They also imply that I'm close to sainthood for accepting such depressing assignments. This always amuses me because I don’t find hospice volunteering difficult or sad. In fact, most days are pretty upbeat with challenges that are usually interesting. True service is always win-win. I’m a regular person doing what millions of people do in their own ways, and that is volunteer service.

Humor has a lot do with the kinds of interactions my patients and I share. People say I'm funny, but my terminally ill patients are often funnier, not only with me, but with others with whom they have contact. A very engaging patient shared many hilarious stories about her life. Some days she’d just reminisce and have us both cracking up, especially when she talked about the bear chasing her in circles around her house in a rural area. A male patient and his three roommates teased one another so much, it was unlimited laughter every time I visited them at the nursing home. My hospice patient who could barely speak was the ringleader. Oh, I can’t forget the two ladies having a pretend fight from their wheelchairs. I still haven't figured out who won, but it was more entertaining than “Saturday Night Live.” Another patient’s bedside birthday party with a menu of fried chicken livers, red velvet cake, and ice cream was another winner! Of course, one birthday balloon read, “It’s a boy!” What? Did my ninety-year-old hospice patient just have a baby?

These are just a few of hundreds of funny hospice stories that make me grin. If you have been a hospice caregiver, you have probably accumulated many stories of your own. Humor has health outcomes that can benefit everyone, including those who are terminally ill and their caregivers. Healthcare workers and patients should cherish these moments of laughter. Made you smile, didn’t they?

You can read about healthcare humor and research here. 

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Frances Shani Parker: Detroit Free Press End-of-Life Article

On matters of life and death, making decisions now will help loved ones in the future. Recently, I was interviewed with others by Detroit Free Press staff writer Patricia Montemurri. The resulting news article with photos by photographer Eric Seals highlights the importance of end-of-life conversations, decision options, and documentation.

Among other comments, I emphasize the trouble people will spare loved ones left behind after they die if wishes are prepared in advance. Read the Detroit Free Press article for well-rounded perspectives on how others are responding to this critical issue, how you can begin your own conversations, and resources that will support you in carrying out your personal plans. The hourglass sands of time are running out. Now is the time to create the ending you want for the final chapter of your life story.

Detroit Free Press End-of-Life Article

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Room Blessing Death Ritual: Nursing Homes, Long-Term Care, Hospice (Research)

I visited Mandy, my hospice patient, at the nursing home one day and immediately noticed the bed of Della, her roommate for over a year, was stripped of all linens. I knew Della had probably died, and I wondered how Mandy was responding. After extending our usual greetings, I asked Mandy if she knew what had happened to Della. Sadly, she looked down and said, “She’s gone.” I waited to see if she wanted to say more, but she changed the subject. These two women had been close friends I had seen interacting happily many times. I knew Mandy was grieving on some level, and, eventually, we expressed our feelings about Della’s death.

I thought about this incident recently when I read a research article titled “They Don’t Just Disappear: Acknowledging Death in the Long-Term Care Setting." I knew exactly what "they don’t just disappear” meant. In a long-term care setting, death of a resident is not always acknowledged with a formal ritual at the location where staff and residents who knew the deceased can mourn with closure. A room blessing with prayers, songs, and sharing of stories about the loved one who has died can provide great comfort. 

This research describes the value of a room blessing ritual held within a long-term care facility. These are the perspectives of 29 staff, residents, and family members who were interviewed after participating in the ritual. Interview results indicated the following about the room blessing:

     1) Those who attended the room blessing felt they received positive closure and grief relief as a result of the formal acknowledgement of the resident’s death.

2    2) Staff members and residents appreciated the opportunity to connect with family members of the deceased and express their condolences during the ritual.

     3) Participants also liked how inclusive the ritual was with staff, residents, and family reminding one another of their shared grief.

     4) Staff members felt that blessing the room for the new resident was important in helping to bridge the gap between mourning and welcoming a new person.

     5) Staff, residents, and family members felt that the room blessing positively reflected the mission and values of the facility.

     6) The most highly valued aspect of the ritual for all attendees was the sharing of stories about the deceased to celebrate that person's life.

Long-term care facilities that are not using a death ritual to assist staff, residents, and family in their closure needs may want to consider using a room blessing ritual as a means of making the end-of-life care transition easier. After the blessing is over, a card is left behind for the next occupant, explaining the room has been blessed to make it a “welcoming and safe home."

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

New Year’s Resolutions for Older Adults (Video 3:15)

Happy New Year! It’s that time of year again when the resolutionaries sit back and reflect on their yeas and nays of the past and possibilities for the future. Many will make commitments to long-term lifestyle changes and short-term acts that will improve confidence, make them healthier, and bring peace of mind. While general changes such as not smoking, saving money, and exercise are well known, older adults have unique needs that require specific attention for healthy living.

Dr. Alicia Arbaje from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine knows what older adults need and has created a list of the top ten resolutions they should implement if they haven’t already. Briefly stated, they include the following list, but I highly recommend that you view the short (3:15) video for her helpful comments about each resolution. Several need further explanation.

Do you have any more suggestions?

1) Get vaccinated.

      2) Get screened.

      3) Clean house to prevent falls.

      4) Improve sleep patterns.

      5) Do advance directives.

      6) Volunteer.

      7)  Update health records.

      8) Schedule a medication check-up.

      9) Decide if you need a geriatrician.

      10) Get moving.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog