Death Tributes After Formal Rituals (Day of the Dead Video 2:04)

Honoring a loved one who has died is not a single act, but a unique personal journey that may consist of many small tributes after the formal death ritual. Various options are available for bringing formal closure to life such as funerals, hospice services, and other memorials. The majority of family members and friends of the deceased do not always attend these traditions. This is not to say that formal death rituals are not appreciated and viewed as significant. But many people rely more on informal grief expressions to help them cope in their daily lives after formal events have been held.

For most people, these informal activities are endearing expressions that sustain them during their long-term adjustment to loss. Death rituals continue to evolve with the passage of time. Choosing how to bring closure to the lives of deceased loved ones becomes more personalized. Increasing numbers of relatives and friends unfasten their earthly connections with loved ones and move forward with informal rituals.

Day of the Dead is a Mexican holiday celebrated on October 31, November 1 and November 2  throughout Mexico and in other parts of the world. The holiday focuses on gatherings of family and friends to pray for and remember loved ones who have died. In the following video, thousands of people gather in the heart of the Mexican capital to celebrate the first annual Day of the Dead procession. Long ago, many people started believing that once a year spirits of the dead are guided back to the world of the living through offerings of food and candles.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Socrates Cafes: College-Older Adult Partnerships (Research, Video 3:08)

Memories I have of  great intergenerational experiences include time I spent with my great grandmother. I don’t recall any profound statements she made, but I do know that she listened intently to what I said, and I had plenty to say. Growing up in a Jim Crow world of racial segregation where every day was a reminder of my unimportance to the larger society, I believe her loving listening told me I mattered. She is the reason I have been a strong proponent of intergenerational partnerships during my many years as an educator. 

Intergenerational research on children and older adults reports that benefits of these partnerships are reaped by all ages involved. Among positive examples of impact include children's improved perceptions of the elderly and improved well-being and self-esteem of older adults. But what about research on intergenerational partnerships between college aged students and older adults? Intergenerational research again reports the win-win benefits of both parties.

Socrates Cafes are examples of effective intergenerational experiences that include social connections. They are facilitated discussions suited for bridging generation gaps and inviting self-expression. They can be held anywhere people gather and share perspectives. In a researched Socrates Cafe approach used with college students and low-income older adults, findings included reduced ageism and stereotyping from students, the formation of relationships between students and older adults, and a recognition from older adults that they had valuable insights to share with younger generations. In the Socrates Café video blow, Christopher Phillips explains the magic of Socrates Cafe gatherings. 

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

LGBT End-of-Life, General Healthcare Discrimination (Older Adult Research, Video 4:41)

America’s population continues to age, and that includes more older adults dying. Across the country, there are more than 2.7 million LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) adults ages 50 or older living in our communities. Unlike many heterosexual and cisgender (sex assigned at birth) counterparts in their age groups, discrimination greatly threatens their health, wellbeing, economic security, and social connections, leaving them vulnerable to serious barriers in terms of support in meeting their end-of-life and general healthcare needs.

While the end-of life care of LGBT persons is understudied, we do know that in the absence of legal marriage or protective legal documentation which many LGBT people do not have, their problems increase. Researched articles on LGBT end-of-life barriers render the following information:

1) Discriminatory laws (e.g., prohibitions against same-sex marriage) and policies

2) Lack of decision-making capacity

3) Lack of knowledge regarding patient wishes

4) Lack of visitation rights

5) Challenges from biological next of kin

6) Discrimination and psychological distress.

Increased research on transgender persons, bisexual persons, and providers of end-of-life care is needed. Clearly, they need a supportive healthcare system that is educated to meet their unique end-of-life needs.

In this video, SAGE Care and the Center for Consumer Engagement in Health Innovation asked LGBT older adults and care providers why being "out" to healthcare providers is so important. The main thing we learned from them is that they want to be treated with respect based on who they are.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Dementia Day Care Benefits (Research, Video 5:08)

Through the years, I have noticed a reluctance by several caregivers to enroll a loved one in a dementia day care program. They usually defend their positions by saying statements such as, “No one can take better care of him than I can,” or “I’m sure she won’t like it there. She would rather stay at home.” Having visited and participated in several dementia day care programs, I know that a daily routine focused on dementia-oriented activities, balanced hot meals, supportive caregivers and loving friends is far better that sitting at home in a limited environment that too often includes mostly watching television, eating and sleeping.

Nowadays, I suggest to caregivers that they and their loved ones living with dementia visit a day care program for just one day and see how they like it. So far, no one has stopped going back. On one first day trip, the person with dementia did not want to leave when all her new friends walked her to the door, hugged her and said good-bye. And the caregivers still say they wish they had gone sooner. They especially appreciate the quality respite time that they can enjoy, while knowing their loved ones are in good hands at the dementia center.

The best part of day care is that both caregivers and those with dementia benefit. A research study examined the effects adult day care programs had on individuals with dementia and their caregivers from the perspective of care providers at such a program.The care providers identified several benefits. These benefits followed two themes including the role of care providers and the time to breathe. 

The following video demonstrates activities of the San Diego, California Alzheimer's Day Care Center (Glenner Town Square) where a 1950’s memory village has been created. The video explains information about Alzheimer’s disease and what caregiver providers and those living with dementia can do at the village to stimulate minds and improve their sense of purpose.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog