10 Steps to Becoming Dead Right

Life is a journey. Death will come when it comes, no matter how often the topic is avoided, how forcefully technology wrestles it to the ground, or how sincerely pleas for more earthly time are requested. Accepting the certainty of death can be so much easier when it’s approached like any other important life event. By following a workable plan, you can enjoy comforting closure when that ultimate destination is reached. Consider these 10 steps featuring scenic routes on your journey to becoming dead right:

10 Steps to Becoming Dead Right

      1. Accept death as part of life.

Death will come to everyone. Empower yourself by dealing with this reality.

      2. Listen to the Universe.

Some say it’s the Universe. Many use God, Higher Power, or other names. If you believe you are part of an infinite enlightenment, be still and listen.

      3. Expect rainbow smiles.

Rainbow smiles are joyous, healing, memorable moments that come more often when anticipated.

      4. Live a healthy lifestyle.

Practice habits of healthy living in all areas of your life.

5. Be informed and proactive.

Keep abreast of what’s happening in life. When circumstances arise that can benefit from your input, apply what you know.

6. Do your best.

You can’t solve every problem or be everything to everybody. Do what you can.

7. Give service to others.

Complement others by fulfilling needs through service. Both server and recipient benefit from this win-win partnership.

8. Be grateful for blessings.

Blessings come like wondrous celebrations held in your honor. Let appreciation reign!

9.  Put death wishes in writing.

Fulfillment of your end-of-life wishes will often depend on what you discuss and record now. Get medical, financial, and property decisions in order.

10.  Have a dignified death journey.

Breathe in your final phase of life with contentment. Experience a dying process that brings beauty and calm to your personal letting go.

© Frances Shani Parker

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes 

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Adult Sibling Rivalry and Caregiving Support (Research, Video 2:32)

Most parents will say they love and treat their children equally, but this equality often becomes questioned by siblings through the years. At some point, many adults who were raised in families with one or more siblings have considered that at least one was their parents’ favorite. Siblings may discuss this topic among themselves and even with parents, especially when they feel they have been treated unfairly. But, when a parent becomes ill, the tensions relating to these feelings can create added stress to an already challenging situation.

This scenario is an example of adult sibling stress that you may have witnessed yourself on some level if you work with patients. Rosa is the primary caregiver for her mother. She lives closest to her mother, while three other adult children live in the city. Although Rosa has a job and family of her own to look after, she is the sibling caregiver who visits her mother at the nursing home most and who handles decisions. Although other siblings visit periodically, Rosa often feels frustrated and taken advantage of by them. They all say they have busy schedules as if she has no life of her own. But nobody frustrates her more than Eddie, the youngest sibling. He assumes that his other siblings should take care of his mother because they are better at that. Eddie says, “I just can’t deal with seeing Mom suffer.” Eddie is the perceived favorite child. His mother often asks about how he is doing and makes excuses for his not visiting her more. She has always babied him. Rosa still cringes when her mother makes excuses for Eddie while barely recognizing her caregiving contributions.

Research on adult siblings indicates that parents’ declining health can greatly

impact sibling relationships, particularly regarding who does the most caregiving and who is perceived as the favorite. The resulting tensions can have a negative impact on the quality of life of patients and siblings. Clearly, primary caregivers need support of other siblings, including those who live out of town.  These details should be discussed openly and resolved with assistance if needed. Solutions are often easier said than done. Readers’ suggestions are welcome.

This video features a primary caregiver sharing her concerns about caregiving from siblings:

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice Chaplains, Spiritual Counselors: Video Interview 6:24

Hospice chaplains and spiritual counselors are available for terminally ill patients and their families as another optional choice to promote quality of life. In recent years, more patients are choosing this service, which has become more flexible in meeting diverse needs, including the needs of those who say they are spiritual but not religious. Trained chaplains bring additional compassion, comfort, and understanding to the death journey, a time when many focus on the meaning of life, their purpose, and general concerns about closure. Of course, patients can still choose counseling from their own personal pastors, priests, and spiritual leaders.

In additional to spiritual counseling, hospice chaplains can also officiate at funerals and memorial services. One of my hospice patients had no family support providing for an end-of-life ritual. The hospice chaplain held a memorial service at the nursing home that included a few nursing home residents, one relative, a friend, and myself. The twelve of us sat in a circle while the chaplain read a spiritual verse. This was followed by each of us commenting on our personal relationship with the deceased. Our death ritual concluded on the front lawn with our singing a spiritual song and the releasing of balloons that the chaplain had brought.

In this video from Community Home Care and Hospice, a hospice chaplain explains what he does, the rewards he receives, and answers many questions people may have regarding his patient-driven spiritual care. He honors one of his patients with special recognition you won’t want to miss.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Long-Term Care Mardi Gras Party: Join Older Adult Celebration! (Video 1:02)

Older adults in New Orleans and other cities celebrating the world-famous Mardi Gras or Carnival season often have parties and small parades. Many nursing homes and senior communities participate in the fun. This happy occasion makes its annual 2014 debut this year on March 4, Kings' Day, and ends on Fat Tuesday, the day before the Christian season of Lent starts. Street parades attracting thousands of local residents and curious tourists occur daily. Parades are held during the day and at night.

Growing up in New Orleans, I loved this magical season. Mardi Gras parades created wonderful memories for me. The excitement of swimming in an ocean of festivity, the buoyancy from living fantastic fantasies thrilled my senses. They connected me with the same wave of wonderment flowing through every child who ever lived on this planet.

I store my New Orleans memories in a marvelous, mental, treasure chest painted with purple, green and gold brush strokes, the official colors of Mardi Gras. All grown up, I still smile when I look inside. No doubt, many older adults will be smiling this coming Mardi Gras and many Mardi Gras seasons to come. The video below features Bethesda Southgate Nursing Home in Missouri.

Upcoming Mardi Gras Dates:

• February 28, 2017
• February 13, 2018
• March 5, 2019
• February 25, 2020
• February 16, 2021
• March 1, 2022
• February 21, 2023
• February 13, 2024
• March 4, 2025
• February 17, 2026
• February 9, 2027
• February 29, 2028
  March 5, 2030
  February 25, 2031,
  February 10, 2032
  March 1, 2033
  February 21, 2034
  February 6, 2035
  February 26, 2036
  February 17, 2037
  March 9, 2038
  February 22, 2039
  February 14, 2040
  March 5, 2041
  February 18, 2042
  February 10, 2043
  March 1, 2044
  February 21, 2045
  February 6, 2046
  February 26, 2047
  February 18, 2048
  March 2, 2049
  February 22, 2050

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog