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Saturday, December 7, 2013

Widowhood: Holiday Friendships and Choices (Research)


Men and women experiencing widowhood during the holidays can experience especially difficult times when they are grieving the death of loved ones. Through the years, they may have associated holiday traditions with familiar people and places that they shared as a couple. Research on widowhood involving 328 men and women over age 50 indicates that voluntary social support and interactions from friends have significant impact during this stressful transition, particularly during the early phases of spousal or partner loss.

The following suggestions from my book Becoming Dead Right offer additional bereavement support options for those experiencing widowhood and others grieving during the holidays:

“Mourners have to decide the best ways they can adjust to the holidays. One option is to create new holiday traditions. If holidays were celebrated as a family, new traditions can be planned as a family, so everyone can have input. This will give family members an opportunity to discuss their feelings about the deceased loved one and possibly include something in the new tradition that commemorates that person in an uplifting manner. This could be a type of memorial that adds pleasure to holidays in the future, something that would have pleased the deceased.

Whether celebrating the holidays alone, with others, or not at all, people should always follow their hearts and do what feels best for them. There is no one way for everyone. There are different ways that work well for different people. Some people who found the holidays stressful, phony, or too commercial before their loved one died may want to redirect their holiday focus. They might choose to participate in an activity that is calmer and more meaningful to them such as volunteering at places where they can help others or sharing with others in another capacity. Others may want to celebrate alone or with a few friends, take a trip to another state or country, or just be involved with something they enjoy doing that may or may not have anything to do with the holidays, but everything to do with their own quality of life."

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.