Are You Ready to Die? Bella Was.

Are you ready to die? Many people assume that nobody really wants to die, but I have known several non-suicidal hospice patients who looked forward to death. Bella comes to mind first. She said she was ready to go to heaven, and, at a personal level, she was. But Bella kept pushing death back because she wanted her death ritual and other plans to be just right, the way she wanted them.

“I won’t be here when you come next week. I’ll be in heaven. You can call ahead if you want to be sure I’m not here. That way you won’t make a trip for nothing,” she warned me, her weekly hospice volunteer.

“Thanks for telling me, Bella. I’ll just come anyway and see for myself,” I responded like it was the most normal thing in the world. In recent weeks, whenever I left from visiting her, Bella said it was the last time I would see her. She said she would be dead before I returned the following week.

When I returned and she was still alive, I’d say, “Well, I guess you changed your mind about dying this week.” Bella always had a good excuse. A few times, she didn’t want to miss some festive activity like the annual Christmas party at the nursing home. Most times, it was for practical reasons like getting funeral, burial, and other after-death plans in order with the help of her family. She wanted her children to clean her house thoroughly, so relatives and friends could go there to fellowship after her funeral. Cleaning entailed sorting and packing clothes for charity. There were several other tasks beyond actual dust removal. Her various excuses for not dying continued for months while she finalized arrangements from her nursing home room.

Bella even invited me to join her on her after-death journey. She said it might be more fun if we went to heaven together. I declined this invitation by explaining it just wasn’t my time. Besides, she already had a bunch of people there waiting for her.

One day, Bella’s warning came true. I received the hospice phone call saying she had died. I smiled to myself and said, “Good for you, Bella! You finally did it!"

(Story above is excerpt from Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.)

What about you? Are you ready to die? Do you think about what death really means to you and how you want your wishes implemented? Have you had death conversations that will help you and others prepare for death physically, financially, and regarding your property? Like Bella, is your “house” in order?

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

10 Life Steps to Good Death

1. Accept death as part of life.

Death will come when it comes, no matter how often you avoid the topic or how forcefully technology wrestles it to the ground.

2. Listen to the universe.

Some call it the universe, while many use Higher Power, God, or other names. If you believe you are part of an infinite enlightenment, be still and listen.

3. Expect rainbow smiles.

Rainbow smiles are joyous, healing, memorable moments that come more often when you anticipate them.

4. Live a healthy lifestyle.

Practice habits of good health. Commit to including them in your daily living.

5. Be informed and proactive.

Keep abreast of what’s going on. When circumstances arise that can benefit from your knowledge, apply what you know.

6. Do your best.

You can’t solve every problem or be everything to everybody. Just do all you can.

7. Give service to others.

Complement others by fulfilling needs through service. Both server and recipient benefit from this partnership.

8. Be grateful for blessings.

Blessings come like wondrous celebrations held in your honor. Let appreciation reign!

9. Put healthcare, financial, and property death decisions in writing.

Fulfillment of your end-of-life wishes will often depend on what you discuss and record now.

10. Have a dignified death journey.

Breathe in your final phase of life with contentment. Experience a dying process that brings beauty and calm to your personal letting go.

Copyright © Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Your Ethical Will: Morals, Values, Wishes for Heirs

Do you have morals, values, wishes, or expressions of forgiveness and love that you want to pass on to others after you die? Recording your intentions in an ethical will is one way of doing that. This excerpt from Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes explains the ethical will:

"Another kind of will that more people are considering is an ethical will. This non-binding will, which can be written or recorded informally in audio or video, includes values, morals, and wishes that someone bequeaths or hands down to others. While it is not legally binding, an ethical will provides a wonderful opportunity to pass on a legacy from one generation to the next, across generations, and beyond family members. Conveying this information, which may include stories, can be very comforting, particular for someone who is terminally ill. It’s a personal way of letting relatives and friends know one’s ethical intentions that are not connected to material inheritance. For example, a father might encourage his children to be good parents or will them the courage to make just decisions in life. Relatives might be asked to continue positive family traditions. Particular family members and friends might be advised to improve by incorporating more positive behaviors that have been lacking.”

Think about what your legacy beyond material gain would be for your beneficiaries. Consider leaving a record of your wishes in an ethical will.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at booksellers such as Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Ten Steps to Becoming Dead Right: Hospice Volunteer Perspective

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from years of hospice volunteering, it’s that death will come when it comes. Dealing with death can be so much easier when it’s approached like any other important life event. By following a workable plan, you can enjoy comforting closure when that ultimate destination is reached. Consider using these ten steps featuring scenic routes on your journey to becoming dead right:

     Ten Steps to Becoming Dead Right

1.  Accept death as part of life.

Death will come no matter how often the topic is avoided or how forcefully technology wrestles it to the ground. 

2.  Listen to the Universe.

Some say it’s the Universe. Many use God, Higher Power or other names. If you believe you are part of an infinite enlightenment, be still and listen.

3.  Expect rainbow smiles.

Rainbow smiles are joyous, healing, memorable moments that come more often when anticipated.

4.  Live a healthy lifestyle.

Practice habits of healthy living in all areas of your life.

5.  Be informed and proactive.

Keep abreast of what’s happening in life. When circumstances arise that can benefit from your input, apply what you know.

6.  Do your best.

You can’t solve every problem or be everything to everybody. Do what you can.

7.  Give service to others.

Complement others by fulfilling needs through service. Both server and recipient benefit from this partnership.

8.  Be grateful for blessings.

Blessings come like wondrous celebrations held in your honor. Let appreciation reign!

9.  Put death wishes in writing.

Fulfillment of your end-of-life wishes will often depend on what you discuss and record now. Get medical, financial, and property decisions in order.

10.  Have a dignified death journey.

Breathe in your final phase of life with contentment. Experience a dying process that brings beauty and calm to your personal letting go.

© Frances Shani Parker

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes 

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog