Hospice Mystery Solved By Nurse Assistant (Video Story 5:13)

“Little White Box” is a hospice mystery that has been circulating on the Internet for many years. I first posted this video story by Roger Dean Kiser on my blog back in 2007. Recently, after not seeing the video for several years, I read it again, regenerated the same warm feelings, and decided to repost it.

Sometimes a nursing home patient needs someone to solve a special problem. The urgency becomes especially important when the patient is in hospice care, and death is imminent. Perhaps some of you have been in that position before. I know I have.

Without giving away too much information, I’ll just say the story is about an older woman named Mrs. Mathers. Dying in a nursing home, she keeps saying, “Before I die, my little white box, please.” Unfortunately, no one knows exactly what she means. To her rescue comes a caring and determined nurse assistant who successfully solves the mystery. With Celine Dion’s breathtaking singing in the background, reading this story just might grab the handle of your heart and make you smile (or even laugh) at the surprising conclusion. Happy endings! 

This story reminds me of a hospice mystery in my own life as a hospice volunteer. In my “Christmas in May” story, I helped to locate a missing key for a beautiful “musicless” box. You can read that “other worldly” story here. 

"To the world, you may be one person. But, to one person, you may be the world."        Anonymous

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Your Ethical Will: Morals, Values, Wishes for Heirs

Do you have morals, values, wishes, or expressions of forgiveness and love that you want to pass on to others after you die? Recording your intentions in an ethical will is one way of doing that. This excerpt from Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes explains the ethical will:

"Another kind of will that more people are considering is an ethical will. This non-binding will, which can be written or recorded informally in audio or video, includes values, morals, and wishes that someone bequeaths or hands down to others. While it is not legally binding, an ethical will provides a wonderful opportunity to pass on a legacy from one generation to the next, across generations, and beyond family members. Conveying this information, which may include stories, can be very comforting, particular for someone who is terminally ill. It’s a personal way of letting relatives and friends know one’s ethical intentions that are not connected to material inheritance. For example, a father might encourage his children to be good parents or will them the courage to make just decisions in life. Relatives might be asked to continue positive family traditions. Particular family members and friends might be advised to improve by incorporating more positive behaviors that have been lacking.”

Think about what your legacy beyond material gain would be for your beneficiaries. Consider leaving a record of your wishes in an ethical will.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at booksellers such as Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

When Older Adults, Seniors Want to Die (Hospice Nursing Home Story, Research)

Some people think being around dying patients must always be sad because everybody fears death, and no one really wants to die. As a hospice volunteer, I have had several patients who could prove them wrong. These nursing home residents actually stated they looked forward to death and gave reasons that had nothing to do with depression. This is what hospice patient Rose said to me about her upcoming death:

“How old did you tell me I was?” Rose asked.

“You’re ninety-nine, and you’ll be a hundred years old on your next birthday.”

“A hundred years old is too old. I don’t think I want to be that old.”

“There are three other ladies in this nursing home who are older than that. One is a hundred three. We talked to her last week during your wheelchair ride.”

“How much longer will it be before I make a hundred? I don’t know if I want to wait too much longer.”

“It’s only one more month. I remember you said you had spiritual talks with your minister. If you decide to wait, I’ll get you a big balloon that looks like a birthday cake.”

“I guess I could wait. Yes, I think I will wait. That way I can celebrate my hundredth birthday. When I do get to heaven, I can tell everybody I lived to be one hundred.”

And that’s exactly what she did.

(Excerpt from Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes)

But wanting to die is not always that simple. According to this VU University Medical Center research study in Amsterdam about older adults’ death thoughts and wishes, 81.3% never had them. Among those who did, 67% had depressive symptoms, and 20% suffered from a depressive disorder. Wanting to die was associated with depressive symptoms, a depressive disorder, lower perceived mastery, financial problems, loneliness, small network, involuntary urine loss, being divorced, and having a speech impediment.

What can we learn from this research? Certain situations increase the likelihood that an older person wants to die. Although the desire to die may not be related to depressive symptoms, depression should be cause for investigation about death wishes and should be treated.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Ten Steps to Becoming Dead Right

                    

                                     Ten Steps to Becoming Dead Right

                                        By Frances Shani Parker, Author

             Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

1. Accept death as part of life.

Death will come, no matter how often you avoid the topic or how forcefully technology wrestles it to the ground.

2. Listen to the universe.

Some call it the universe, while many use other names. If you believe you are part of an infinite enlightenment, be still and listen.

3. Expect rainbow smiles.

Rainbow smiles are joyous, healing, memorable moments that come more often when you anticipate them.

4. Live a healthy lifestyle.

Practice habits of good health. Commit to including them in your daily living.

5. Be informed and proactive.

Keep abreast of what’s going on. When circumstances arise that can benefit from your knowledge, apply what you know.

6. Do your best.

You can’t solve every problem or be everything to everybody. Just do all you can.

7. Give service to others.

Complement others by fulfilling needs through service. Both server and recipient benefit from this partnership.

8. Be grateful for blessings.

Blessings come like wondrous celebrations held in your honor. Let appreciation reign!

9. Put death wishes in writing.

Fulfillment of your end-of-life wishes will often depend on what you discuss and record now.

10. Have a dignified death journey.

Breathe in your final phase of life with contentment. Experience a dying process that brings beauty and calm to your personal letting go.

Copyright © Frances Shani Parker

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers in America and other countries and in e-book editions at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog