Life Lesson From Dogs to Humans (Video 3:49)

A hospice volunteer over 20 years, I am featuring this post about dogs because it resonates on so many levels with human lives. We all die, but do we really strive to live life to the fullest? This post about mostly elderly, ill, rescued dogs shows us how to enjoy life. The dogs are showcased in a heartwarming video, actually a “dogumentary,” titled "Seven Days with Seven Dogs." Their story mesmerizes with a universal message for humans who are terminally ill, in good health, elderly or young.

Living at a refuge similar to a canine nursing home, the dogs struggle with health challenges ranging from deafness, epilepsy, hip dysplasia, heart murmur, and a lymphatic mass on one “hospice” dog predicted to live only a few more weeks. They experience serious life challenges just like humans do. The dogs' caregivers decide it is high time these canine seniors smell the roses we humans often forget to smell. Taking all the dogs on an adventurous trip to dog-friendly locations immersed in nature becomes a fantastic solution. We humans must search the wells of ourselves to find our own purposes and pleasures.

Regarding eldercare, this "dogumentary" encourages quality caregiving that should take place with ill, older adult humans, many who have supported others unconditionally for years. For seven days, join this soul-stirring, dog-centered trip where floral fragrances permeate the air, where wounded spirits soar, and where we are all reminded at personal levels that the best things in life are not things. Let's enjoy ourselves! Have some fun! It’s later than we think.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Holiday End-of-Life Conversations

The holidays often provide opportunities for families and close friends to get together, reminisce, and have a joyful time. But what about happiness in the future? Why not take advantage of this time together to engage in important end-of life conversations that can be crucial later in honoring end-of-life wishes of those you love and yourself.

Engage With Grace is a a movement aimed at promoting these kinds of conversations using the five questions below. They’re not easy questions, but they are important and shouldn’t be ignored. Sometimes we think we know what loved ones want, and we really don’t. Later in life, when several people are involved in making inevitable decisions about life threatening health matters, guessing, confusion, and hurt feelings can easily hinder progress. The key to preventing this negativity is having end-of-life conversations when they can be positive with personal input regarding what loved ones really want. Fortunately, many people actually enjoy discussing their answers with loved ones.

Add new meaning to your holidays by including thoughtful conversations that can improve quality of life. No one knows what the circumstances could be at future family gatherings during a healthcare crisis. You and your loved ones can benefit greatly from answering these questions and implementing the suggestions given. The Caring Connections website has information to help you with your plans. (Click on the questions below to make them larger):

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Should Loved Ones Watch CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation)? (Research, Video 2:13)

Your loved one is in the throes of cardiac arrest. Tension engulfs the air as medical personnel proceed to perform CPR. Should you be allowed to watch? Do you even want to? Many will say you shouldn’t watch because of possible anguish and confusion involved. Some medical personnel may be concerned about liability and possible interference by you or family members witnessing this traumatic event.

But research supports having family members present. Witnessing CPR of a loved one helps observers understand the severity of the situation, appreciate the care being given, and even supports healthy grieving by confirming that everything was done.  With the development of appropriate policies and proper training of staff, the presence of family members during CPR can be a fulfilling experience.

This video shares positive views on this topic from Dr. Tammie Quest, Director of Education in Palliative and End-of-Life Care - Emergency Medicine Project, Associate Professor, Department of Emergency Medicine, Emory University School of Medicine:

Contact your local American Red Cross for CPR training.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Reluctant End-of-Life Caregivers: Would You Do It Again? (Research, Video 3:10)

Most people don’t set out to become caregivers. Some enjoy nurturing loved ones and find the caregiving experience challenging, but rewarding. Few people talk about caregivers who feel depressed, guilty, trapped in a hole with no way out except the death of persons in their care. Maybe they were the only sibling living near the parent, the only relative or friend with resources to provide care, or the only person willing to step up when others refused. Whatever their reasons, they became caregivers reluctantly, never fully embracing the responsibility, and made the most of the situation. If they had a choice, would they do it again? Some say they would not.

In a study reported in the “Journal of Pain and Symptom Management,” factors associated with an unwillingness to become caregivers again were reviewed. Former caregivers of palliative care patients were interviewed. Comparisons between those who would do caregiving again and those who would not were made with these results:

1)   One in 13 (7.4%) former caregivers indicated that they would not provide such care again.

2)   One in six (16.5%) would only "probably care again."

3)   Increasing age and lower levels of education controlling for spousal relationship lessen the willingness to care again.

4)   Despite most active caregivers being willing to provide care again, a

proportion would not.

This Visiting Nurse Service of New York video titled “How to Relieve Stress When Caring for an Aging Parent or Spouse” presents ways to cope with caregiver stress.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Engage With Grace: Discuss End-of-Life Wishes During Holidays

For three years running now, many of us bloggers have participated in what we call a “blog rally” to promote Engage With Grace, a movement aimed at making sure all of us understand, communicate, and have honored our end-of-life wishes. The rally is timed to coincide with a weekend when most of us are with the very people with whom we should be having these unbelievably important conversations – our closest friends and family.

At the heart of Engage With Grace are five questions designed to get conversations about end-of-life started. We’ve included them at the end of this post. They’re not easy questions, but they are important. Believe it or not, most people find they actually enjoy discussing their answers with loved ones. The key is having these conversations before it’s too late.

This past year has done so much to support our mission to get more and more people talking about their end-of-life wishes. We’ve helped make this a topic of national importance. We commend everyone who has taken this topic so seriously. 

Happy holidays and thank you to all who have done so much to spread the word, including sharing questions from The One Slide below:

Frances Shani Parker, Author

"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”

“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Ten Steps to Becoming Dead Right

                    

                                     Ten Steps to Becoming Dead Right

                                        By Frances Shani Parker, Author

             Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

1. Accept death as part of life.

Death will come, no matter how often you avoid the topic or how forcefully technology wrestles it to the ground.

2. Listen to the universe.

Some call it the universe, while many use other names. If you believe you are part of an infinite enlightenment, be still and listen.

3. Expect rainbow smiles.

Rainbow smiles are joyous, healing, memorable moments that come more often when you anticipate them.

4. Live a healthy lifestyle.

Practice habits of good health. Commit to including them in your daily living.

5. Be informed and proactive.

Keep abreast of what’s going on. When circumstances arise that can benefit from your knowledge, apply what you know.

6. Do your best.

You can’t solve every problem or be everything to everybody. Just do all you can.

7. Give service to others.

Complement others by fulfilling needs through service. Both server and recipient benefit from this partnership.

8. Be grateful for blessings.

Blessings come like wondrous celebrations held in your honor. Let appreciation reign!

9. Put death wishes in writing.

Fulfillment of your end-of-life wishes will often depend on what you discuss and record now.

10. Have a dignified death journey.

Breathe in your final phase of life with contentment. Experience a dying process that brings beauty and calm to your personal letting go.

Copyright © Frances Shani Parker

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers in America and other countries and in e-book editions at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Advice for Adult Orphans

More and more of my friends are becoming adult orphans. Many have one or no parents alive. Others are caregivers who will possibly
 become orphans in the near future. These suggestions can help adult orphans coping with life’s new reality:

1. Flow with the grieving process. Each person’s bereavement is unique. Maintain good health, accept assistance from others, and get counseling support if needed.

2. Remember that you are responsible for your own happiness. Hobbies, travel, social functions, volunteer service, and other enjoyable and fulfilling activities add quality to your life.

3. Establish new holiday traditions and family rituals if you think you should. You can include ways to commemorate deceased parents. Keep their stories alive for generations to come.

4. Help your children and others plan for their future roles as adult orphans by preparing yourself and encouraging them to discuss and record their end-of-life wishes. 

5. Remember that life is for living. Deceased parents would want you to move forward productively on your journey. Doing so is another tribute to them.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”

“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Aging, Sick Dogs on a Caregiving Trip (Video 3:49)

Two years ago, I did a blog post on sick, aging dogs enjoying a life-enhancing trip. The dogs were showcased in a heartwarming video, actually a “dogumentary,” titled "Seven Days with Seven Dogs." Like an old tune with different singers, the video continues to mesmerize about terminally ill older adults of the non-human kind.

Living at a refuge similar to a canine nursing home, the dogs struggled with health challenges ranging from deafness, epilepsy, hip dysplasia, heart murmur, and a lymphatic mass on one “hospice” dog predicted to live only a few more weeks. Caregiving humans decided it was high time these canine seniors had their chance at smelling the roses we humans often have to remind ourselves to smell. A great way to do this was to take all the dogs on an adventurous trip to dog-friendly locations immersed in nature.

This video shows another application of quality caregiving with an ill, older adult population that has supported others unconditionally for years. Join this soul-stirring, dog-centered trip where floral fragrances permeate the air, where wounded spirits soar, and where we are reminded at personal levels that the best things in life are not things.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice Care Perceptions of Nursing Home Staff

In my book “Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes,” there is a chapter titled “Healthier Hospice.” This chapter gives detailed explanations, based on my research and experiences as a hospice volunteer, regarding ways to improve hospice services in general. Included are variables that can improve hospice implementation in nursing homes. Nursing home staff members who are focused on curing patients may not embrace the hospice philosophy of non-curative care. It is critical that they commit to enhancing and maintaining their expertise in certain hospice practices.

The quality of end-of-life care for any patient depends on the context in which the care is given. In the context of a nursing home, perceptions of staff members regarding the hospice philosophy and the implementation of that philosophy greatly impact a potential hospice patients’ experience. This includes the referral or non-referral of patients to hospice care and the timing of those referrals.

In a study at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, an understanding of factors influencing hospice referrals, nonreferrals, and timing of referrals was researched. Cross sections of staff members from seven nursing homes and two hospices were interviewed with the following results:

1) Nursing home staff members’ recognition of terminal decline, beliefs about hospice, and the initiatives they took “significantly influenced” patients’ referrals to hospice care and the timing of their referrals.

2) When death was perceived as unexpected (familiar signs not recognized by staff members), hospice referrals were delayed.

3) When nursing home staff members believed that hospice care was only for a crisis at the end of life or that hospice care did not add to nursing home care, hospice referrals were delayed.

4) Patients received longer hospice care when staff members believed hospice care complemented nursing home care and when staff members took the initiative to raise the option of hospice care.

This study confirms how important ongoing hospice training is for nursing home staff members. I emphasize ongoing because, in my experience as a hospice volunteer, regular staff turnover demands this. Without ongoing training, the quality of end-of-life care for potential hospice patients is jeopardized.

You can read more details about this important study here.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Hospice and Palliative Care Reflections: Quality of Life for Elderly, Ill Dogs (Video 3:49 mins.)

Today’s post may seem different from my usual ones. There’s no link to scientific data or a story about humans receiving hospice or palliative care. The featured topic literally goes to the dogs, rescued dogs that are mostly elderly and ill.

Living at a refuge similar to a nursing home for dogs, they struggled with health challenges ranging from deafness, epilepsy, hip dysplasia, heart murmur, and a lymphatic mass on one “hospice” dog predicted to live only a few more weeks.

Caregiving humans decided it was high time these canine seniors had their chance at smelling the roses we humans have to remind ourselves to smell. A great way to do this was to take all the dogs on a wonderful trip to dog-friendly locations immersed in adventure and nature.

This post shows another application of “quality of life” care for an elderly, ill population that has so often supported others. A soul-stirring video, “Seven Days with Seven Dogs” takes us on a “dog-centered” trip where floral fragrances permeate the air, where wounded spirits soar, and where we are reminded that the best things in life are not things.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Conversation with Dr. Ira Byock on End-of-Life Care (Video 7:19 mins.)

Dr. Ira Byock is Director of Palliative Medicine, Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center and a major advocate for improving end-of-life care. Past president of the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine, he is the author of several books, the most recent one being “The Four Things that Matter Most.”

This video conversation with Dr. Byock covers beneficial information for the healthcare profession and society in general regarding what should be done to improve the final chapter in our lives. His comments include the following:

1) Palliative care and how it differs from current medical practice
2) Personal preparation for the last chapter in life
3) Family preparations for one another’s end-of-life care

Dr. Byock explains that nationally we must face the inevitability of death and stop making prolonged life the main goal of mortal beings. He emphasizes the importance of addressing our emotional, social, and spiritual needs by deciding what our values are, considering what matters most, sharing with our families in whatever forms they exist, and putting our decisions in writing. April 16, which is National Healthcare Decision Day, and Thanksgiving Day are days selected to encourage end-of-life conversations; however, any day is a good day to discuss this crucial information.

You can view this video of Dr. Byock’s conversation about what we should be doing individually and nationally to improve end-of–life care.

Frances Shani Parker
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice Spirit Sightings (Video: 3:47 mins.)

Sightings of spirits are not unusual for hospice patients. I have had several patients tell me about spirits coming to see them. Patients also spoke about visiting the spirit world, often referring to the place they visited as heaven. Discussions about these visits created opportunities for patients to express emotions openly about death, while reflecting on life. They enjoyed describing their visitors and their trips. Their detailed conversations explained to me, not only whom they saw, but also the scenery and what the spirits were wearing. Pets were included in these descriptions.

(Below is an excerpt from my book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. )

“What did you do today?” I asked Rose after feeding her.

“Me? I’ve been spending time with my people. I enjoyed myself a lot.”

“Hey, that’s great. Did your relatives drive in from Chicago?”

“No, I went to heaven. It’s the nicest place, all clean and bright with beautiful scenery everywhere. I saw my family and plenty of my friends. They all wore long white gowns.”

“Wow! I guess that’s a place you’ll want to visit again.”

“Oh, I’ll definitely be going back. I’m planning to go stay there when I die. I’ll see if I can help you get in, too.”

“Thanks. I would really appreciate that.”

Some say these spirit sightings are chemical reactions in the brain or simply imaginary. Many say they are angels, while others say they are ghosts. What do you think about this mysterious phenomenon of spirit sightings? The following video addresses visions of Steve Jobs. He is widely recognized as a pioneer of the microcomputer revolution of the 1970s and 1980s.

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Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog