A Volunteer's Calling (Poem)

                                                    

“Defining Moments” is a poem I wrote after a series of events led to my becoming a hospice volunteer. Hospice volunteering crept up on me unnoticed during the HIV-AIDS pandemic that was one of the world’s most serious public health challenges. Early in the 1980's, the Centers for Disease Control reported five cases of AIDS in young homosexual men in Los Angeles, California. By 1994, AIDS had become the leading cause of death for all Americans ages 25 to 44.

Before the 1990's, I was not attracted to being actively involved in the healthcare field. I also wasn't skilled in caregiving at a personal level, sometimes feeling awkward around sick people in general. Nobody is more surprised than yours truly that I have been a satisfied hospice volunteer over 20 years involved with bedside caregiving in nursing homes, eldercare consulting, authoring a book, and eldercare blogging. You can read about my compelling transformation that includes a video in this LinkedIn article titled "Hospice Volunteer? No Thanks, Not Me!" (Video 3:25).

“Defining Moments” is one of 16 original poems at the end of each chapter of my book titled Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. Several readers have told me that “Defining Moments” resonates with them when they read it. As a writer, I appreciate knowing when something I have written connects with other people. But I was especially surprised one day when a man I did not know well had actually memorized the entire poem and approached me while reciting it aloud. This was followed by his sharing a heartfelt explanation of a defining moment in his own life. Perhaps this poem will remind you of a defining moment in your life when past met future.

Defining Moments

They come without warning,

grab us in chokeholds of change,

fling us into outer space

where past meets future.

In this realm resonating

with first-time knowledge,

we awaken wide-eyed,

infused with wisdom

to turn around, stand still

or move forward with clarity.

No matter how they smack,

stroke, lift, drop, push, kiss

or kick us to get our attention,

when they finish their mission,

we are permanently scarred.

© Frances Shani Parker

 

 

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Frances Shani Parker's Website

Becoming a Hospice Volunteer Against My Will

People often ask me how I became a hospice volunteer. For the record, nobody is more surprised than I am. You know how some people can walk into a patient’s room, plump pillows, and make all the right comments? Years ago, I was not that person. I never really felt comfortable visiting sick people. Working in the healthcare arena seemed depressing. Besides, I had made a conscious decision to become an educator when I was in fifth grade. Unlike many who have chosen hospice volunteering, my motivation had no connection with professional choice or with anyone close to me dying, although I had experienced that several times.

So, how did I get into this situation? I was principal of an urban public school located in an area of high poverty, crime, drugs, prostitution, and homelessness. Major problems of others clamored for space on my always-crowded plate. Over a three-year period, I was thrust into life-threatening predicaments of two men I didn’t know well who were suffering with AIDS, an infectious disease of the immune system caused by the HIV virus. They were my introduction to serious caregiving of the terminally ill.

The first man, who was in total denial about his condition, also had dementia that included daily harassment by invisible people. After he died, I sighed, thinking that scenario would never happen to me again. A year later, the second man showed up. Both men lacked strong support systems, which were crucial during the 1990’s when infected people were ostracized and dying quickly. My mother warned me to stay away from them or I might “catch” it.

But I didn’t stay away. I served as these men’s hospice volunteer without even realizing I was one. It just made good sense, and we all benefited from the experience. I discovered significant layers of myself that I never knew. After my involvement with the men ended, I ran into a friend who said she was performing service as a hospice volunteer. Her description of what she did sounded very familiar. A few weeks later, I read a newspaper ad about hospice volunteer training classes. I decided to get certified to do what I had already been doing and become even more prepared if somebody else ill showed up.

As an official hospice volunteer for many years, I have served numerous terminally ill patients who  showed up. In addition, I have been writing Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog for several years and have recorded my hospice volunteer experiences and insights in a published book titled Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. I enjoy consulting with groups, advocating for patients, and educating caregivers, healthcare workers, policy makers, and the general public.

End-of-life care for millions of aging baby boomers continues to challenge our healthcare system and society. More people are needed to dig into wells of themselves and provide solutions to these growing concerns. Consider becoming a hospice volunteer. Various assignments are available to accommodate your personal comfort zone. Your service as a hospice volunteer can be a win-win experience, even if you didn’t plan to be one.

© Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers in America and several other countries and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog