Approaching Death: Dying Symptoms, Caregiver Support (Video 5:31)

The body knows when it’s time to slow down and die. Each body will die in its own way and in its own time when the process starts. I have been asked on several occasions to explain some of the circumstances that may be present when death is near. This excerpt from my book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes addresses that:

“Among symptoms of impending death, there might be decreases in food intake, swallowing, communication; and increases in sleep, weakness and spiritual awareness. The latter might include speaking to or appearing to look at, or dreaming about persons who have already died. Patients may become incontinent, agitated, confused, withdrawn, and congested. Bright light in patients’ eyes should be avoided. Patients should be turned gently when necessary. Hospice care should provide every reasonable effort to control pain and stabilize patients to a plateau of comfort. The hospice nurse or doctor can explain any changes that cause concern during the dying process.

Some caregivers become upset when dying patients lose their appetites. Because they view food as nurturing, they want to keep giving patients more food than they need. It is important to keep in mind that dying patients with little or no appetite are not starving or in pain from hunger in the manner that is commonly understood. They are responding normally to the body’s breaking down as part of the dying process. Swallowing may be difficult for them and could lead to choking when food is forced into their mouths. They could also become nauseous and vomit from being forced to take in food they do not want. Dying patients may also want less to drink. The insides of their mouths can be moistened with droplets or a fine spray, and a lip cream can be used, especially if they are breathing through their mouths. It is not unusual for breathing of dying patients to fluctuate from quiet to noisy or to have an irregular rhythm."

As much as possible, caregivers should remain calm and give patients reassuring presence. This video titled “Palliative Curriculum - Part 6 - Last Hours of Living” presents a scenario about a daughter’s concerns during her mother’s final days.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Holiday Grief Support (Video Poem 4:00 mins.)

The holidays can be a troubling time for many who are grieving the loss of loved ones. Through the years, people associate holiday traditions with familiar people and places. These suggestions offer bereavement support for those dealing with grief during the holidays:

Excerpt from "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”

"Mourners have to decide the best ways they can adjust to the holidays. One option is to create new holiday traditions. If holidays were celebrated as a family, new traditions can be planned as a family, so everyone can have input. This will give family members an opportunity to discuss their feelings about the deceased loved one and possibly include something in the new tradition that commemorates that person in an uplifting manner. This could be a type of memorial that adds pleasure to holidays in the future, something that would have pleased the deceased.

Whether celebrating the holidays alone, with others, or not at all, people should always follow their hearts and do what feels best for them. There is no one way for everyone. There are different ways that work well for different people. Some people who found the holidays stressful, phony, or too commercial before their loved one died may want to redirect their holiday focus. They might choose to participate in an activity that is calmer and more meaningful to them such as volunteering at places where they can help others or sharing with others in another capacity. Others may want to celebrate alone or with a few friends, take a trip to another state or country, or just be involved with something they enjoy doing that may or may not have anything to do with the holidays, but everything to do with their own quality of life."

This video by TheLightBeyond.com offers bereavement support based on the sympathy poem “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep.” The poem comforts with thoughts that the deceased loved one is reflected in nature.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Bereavement Support: Holiday Grief (Video Poem 4:00 mins.)

The holidays can be a troubling time for many who are grieving the loss of loved ones. Through the years, people associate holiday traditions with familiar people and places. My book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes includes these suggestions for dealing with grief during the holidays:

“Mourners have to decide the best ways they can adjust to the holidays. One option is to create new holiday traditions. If holidays were celebrated as a family, new traditions can be planned as a family, so everyone can have input. This will give family members an opportunity to discuss their feelings about the deceased loved one and possibly include something in the new tradition that commemorates that person in an uplifting manner. This could be a type of memorial that adds pleasure to holidays in the future, something that would have pleased the deceased.

Whether celebrating the holidays alone, with others, or not at all, people should always follow their hearts and do what feels best for them. There is no one way for everyone. There are different ways that work well for different people. Some people who found the holidays stressful, phony, or too commercial before their loved one died may want to redirect their holiday focus. They might choose to participate in an activity that is calmer and more meaningful to them such as volunteering at places where they can help others or sharing with others in another capacity. Others may want to celebrate alone or with a few friends, take a trip to another state or country, or just be involved with something they enjoy doing that may or may not have anything to do with the holidays, but everything to do with their own quality of life."

© Frances Shani Parker

This video by TheLightBeyond.com offers bereavement support based on the sympathy poem “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep.” The poem comforts with thoughts that the deceased loved one is reflected in nature.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog