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Showing posts with label ” Dementia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ” Dementia. Show all posts

Friday, March 4, 2011

Hospice Volunteer and Dementia Patient Share Common History: Poem “Deeper Than Words”


Guarded from angry mobs by federal marshals in 1960, first-grader Ruby Bridges integrated William Frantz Public School in New Orleans, LA, my hometown. In protest during the first year, all parents withdrew their children from the school.

Hospice volunteers and patients come together as strangers and often discover that they have common histories or characteristics. These familiar experiences and qualities unite them in special ways that take their bonding to another level of understanding. Shared similarities can include civil rights oppression, languages, disabilities, military service, talents, occupations, travel, values, and other factors.

My book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes concludes each chapter with an original poem. I was inspired to write this poem while watching my hospice patient sleep. I thought about our shared African American history that bridged our communication beyond her dementia and enhanced my respect for all she represented.

Deeper Than Words

The outside world arrives
wearing my willing face.
Toothless, your smile widens
like a baby’s hungry for attention.
Almost ninety-eight years old,
your inner candle still glows.

A hospice volunteer, I lean closer,
talk into your listening left ear,
“Today is Sunday, Miss Loretta.”
My news drifts away like smoke.
You stare at me through dying coals.
Whatever I ask, you whisper, “Yes.”

I stroke your age-softened arms
while your hazed mind masters sleep.
Watching you, I dream generations
of women black and strong, each one
a book of sustaining stories
about joy, pain, courage, survival.

Within your warm brown frame,
spirits from our common history linger.
Aides say you have dementia,
that you don’t know a word I say.
Our language goes deeper than words.
We speak to each other’s souls.

© Frances Shani Parker




Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Friendship, Marriage, Dementia: A Love Story (Video 4:41 mins.)

A great love story should be shared. This true story started 87 years ago, but its significance reigns eternal. George and Adriana Cuevas met as children with trillions of dreams and no certainties about their futures. Distance sat between them for 15 long years. But they continued as pen pals until love brought them back together like inseparable magnets. Marriage and children followed with lots of reasons for George and Adriana to cherish their mutual joy while stringing memories together. Then dementia came with many challenges. Some parts of love are too magnificent to explain, especially “When The Mind Says Goodbye.” 




Frances Shani Parker, Author

Saturday, September 12, 2009

My Nursing Home Patient Leaves Hospice Care

Whenever I speak to groups and mention that one of my patients was released from hospice care, audience members seem surprised. This usually happens when I tell Raynell’s story. Raynell, my diabetic hospice patient with dementia, shared a room with four other patients at the nursing home. Her roommates included an imaginary admirer named Robert, whom she loved like the devil loves holy water. Conversing with Raynell required that I drop to the floor periodically and search for Robert under her bed. This was preceded by her screaming, “Get him! He’s going under the bed!” after he (affectionately?) pinched her tingling diabetic legs. But one day, she surprised me with talk about leaving hospice care and the nursing home:

Excerpt from "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”

Raynell requested my help by saying, “I was wondering if you could help me find another apartment. I’ve been thinking about looking for a new place to stay, maybe a place closer to where I used to live. This apartment building is too noisy. Just close your eyes and listen to all the talking, buzzers, and everything. People come into my place without even knocking. They just walk right in and go through my closet and drawers. It’s not right. Three ladies even moved in with me when I wasn’t looking. Now, I can’t get them out.”

“Whoa! That’s a surprise! I didn’t know you wanted to leave here. Are you sure moving is the best thing to do while you’re not feeling well?”

“Lately, I’m feeling much better. I need a change. Even Robert had to leave, so you know it’s bad. But I’m very glad about that. He’s gone to live in California. I don’t think he’ll be coming back again.”

“A lot sure has happened since I visited you last week. You never said you wanted to move before or that the other people who live here bothered you so much. All this really shocks me.”

I thought about this interesting conversation a while. It was the first time Raynell ever mentioned moving to an apartment and, even more astonishing, the first time she ever said Robert wasn’t hiding under her bed. Two weeks later, she was released from hospice care because her health really had improved. She moved to another nursing home near her son’s house. I guess Robert knew his time was almost up and decided to leave before he got left.

© Frances Shani Parker

Yes, it’s rare, but patients are released from hospice care. Some die within months of leaving, and some live at home or remain in nursing homes. Consider that with various diseases causing the need for hospice care, it is difficult to predict someone’s death with accuracy. Also, receiving quality healthcare and support from others can improve a patient's health. And when an imaginary admirer named Robert knows it’s time to leave, the patient may be moving in that direction, too.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”