Older Adult Senior Online Dating: Ageism, Sexism, Scams (Research, Video 4:35)

Contrary to what some people still believe, many older adults are using the Internet to enhance their lives in ways they never dreamed about “back in the day.” In fact, many of them have considered or actually used the Internet as a convenient place to search for love on numerous websites with a specific focus on meeting their matchmaking needs.

What are some of these online dating websites adding to the old traditions of choosing romantic partners? This older adult online dating research study that examines the visual representations of people on 39 dating sites offers this information:

1) Ageism and sexism were very evident in the presentation of older adults. The majority of men and women were smiling and had a fair complexion, light eye color and perceived ages younger than 60. Older women were presented as younger and wore more cosmetics.

2) The social regulation of sexuality was emphasized with only heterosexual couples being presented.

Conclusion: This ageism and sexism display a narrow representation of older adults in society and imply that older love, intimacy, and sexual activity are for older adults who are "forever young."

Older women are at a disadvantage when it comes to online dating if they seek partners only in their age groups. Not only are there fewer men alive in their age group, many of the living ones want younger women. If you think this makes women desperate to marry whatever they can get, you don't know jack about older women. While they may still be open to the possibility of marriage, many women cherish their lifestyles free of various responsibilities.

Unfortunately, there is one aspect of online dating that everyone should be cautioned about in order to proceed safely. Both sexes can be victimized by online dating scams. The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) received more than 15,000 reports linked to romance scams last year. More than half of the complaints involved losses of money, sometimes in massive amounts. The victims are often older Americans trying to get back in the dating pool. This video shares important information including the story of one of the victims who lost roughly $300,000.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Elderspeak Views of Certified Nursing Assistants (CNA Research)

What is elderspeak? Basiclly, it’s baby talk that most adults would not think of using in conversations with other adults. As a hospice volunteer in nursing homes, I noticed elderspeak being used often. For example, “Hi, Mr. Smith. I hope you’re enjoying your day? Did you have a good dinner?” might become a singsong version of this: “Hey, Handsome. Are you behaving today? Did you eat all your dinner veggies like a good boy? You did? That’s my baby!” Imagine what the average adult would think about being addressed in this manner. But some nursing home staff members, caregivers, and others think nothing of speaking to residents in this way.

This research on elderspeak focused on the perspectives of certified nursing assistants (CNAs) who frequently spend time with older residents. The goal was to learn more about the intent and conditions under which elderspeak is used. Participants who were interviewed included 26 CNAs who worked in long-term care facilities. It should be noted that half of the CNAs reported that elderspeak is more appropriate with individuals with dementia and that others believed elderspeak was always inappropriate.

These were the findings regarding the intended purposes of CNAs using elderspeak:

1)   Make residents feel more comfortable.

2)   Make caregivers seem friendlier.

3)   Help residents better comprehend verbal communication.

4)   Increase the likelihood that residents cooperate during caregiving tasks.

Based on these findings, more staff education is needed that incorporates previous research results. For example, elderspeak research reported in Behavior Therapy states that resistiveness to care has been linked to communication by staff using elderspeak. This study examined videotapes of nursing home residents with dementia interacting with staff.

Use of elderspeak implies that the resident is not competent enough to be spoken to on an adult level. Even when residents get used to being spoken to in elderspeak and seem not to mind, research studies indicate that their self-esteem may be lowered. In addition, using elderspeak perpetuates negative stereotypes about the elderly.

On a personal note, I was raised in the Jim Crow South and was taught that children should never call adults by their first names. For many African Americans, including adults addressing other adults, this was not only a practice of respect, but mandatory in society under certain racial conditions. After I received my driver’s license at sixteen, I felt proud when I was told I could start picking up my grandmother from her job as a cook at a segregated white school.

Imagine my distress when I arrived at the school and saw young children calling my grey-haired grandmother “Lou.” She allowed it because she needed the job, but words cannot describe the humiliation in her eyes when she saw me and realized I had witnessed how she was treated there. That night, my mother told me I couldn’t pick up my grandmother from work again. For many older African Americans, being called by their first names without their permission by younger adults is connected to painful memories of historical injustices.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Loneliness: Another Older Adult Stereotype (Research, Video 1:22)

People often don't realize that loneliness is another older adult stereotype in the same way that beliefs about their having no sex drive, being helpless, boring, unproductive, and in poor health are. This doesn’t mean loneliness isn’t real when it is experienced. In fact, too much loneliness can be destructive. But it’s still one of many ageism stereotypes that are assumed to be necessary parts of aging.

A common belief is that the majority of older adults are lonely and abandoned by families and friends, but this is not true. While family and friends may help influence whether or not they are lonely, older adults are very rarely abandoned by society. A University of California study on the growing trend of older people living alone determined that 1in 4-5 older adults lives alone mainly due to the loss of a spouse. There are 3 times as many women as men who live alone, and 2 out of 3 experience loneliness.

But what about the loneliness stereotype? The English Longitudinal Study of Ageing (ELSA) research project on loneliness studied the  association between expectations and stereotyping of loneliness in old age and actual self-reported loneliness status 8 years later. Researchers used data from 4,465 participants over age 50. Results showed that stereotypes and expectations related to loneliness in old age were significantly associated with reported loneliness 8 years later. They also concluded that interventions aimed at changing age-related stereotypes in the population may have more impact on reducing loneliness than individually based services. While there are conditions in our lives that we can’t control as we age, we can still be more positive in our expectations. Eliminating the self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness and other older adult stereotypes can greatly impact how we age. We often get exactly what we expect. 

The following video has 10 quotes about being alone that have nothing to do with being lonely. They are all by famous people. Think about them. Be the person you want to know best. Solitude can be a good friend.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Healthcare Fears of Being Stereotyped: Older Adult Concerns (Research, Video 3:40)

Stereotypes have a way of showing up in all kinds of circumstances, including those related to healthcare. It’s shocking how threats of numerous stereotypes can impact so many areas of people’s lives. Think about all the stereotypes that can be drawn from just looking at a person (age, race, ethnicity, weight, disability, mannerisms, etc.) or listening to a person (word choices, accents, evasiveness, humor, etc.), and it becomes clearer that many people carry extra burdens with them that present real threats to the kinds of experiences they have in healthcare situations. Too many times, the threats of stereotypes are real. But, even when the threats are not real, do they still impact patient care?

No one should be reduced to being viewed as a group stereotype. Unfortunately, older adults have been blanketed with many negative stereotypes by society. Ageism is alive and well, and they experience it. In addition to other numerous stereotypes, older adults may fear being judged in healthcare contexts on several characteristics. A research study with older adults in the Health and Retirement Study was done to assess the impact of threats of being stereotyped in healthcare situations. 

This study included 1,479 individuals. They were tested on whether healthcare stereotype threats were associated with self-rated health, reported hypertension and depressive symptoms, as well as with healthcare-related outcomes, including physician distrust, dissatisfaction with healthcare, and preventative care use. These were the results:

1)  Seventeen percent of respondents reported threats of healthcare stereotypes with respect to one or more aspects of their identities.

2)  Healthcare stereotype threats were associated with higher physician distrust and dissatisfaction with healthcare, poorer mental and physical health (i.e., self-rated health, hypertension, and depressive symptoms), and lower odds of receiving the influenza vaccine.

This study is the first of its kind. It reveals that people do experience healthcare stereotype threats on the basis of various stigmatized aspects of social identity and that these experiences can be linked with larger health and healthcare-related outcomes. In terms of disparities, keep in mind that the impact of the stereotype threats may be experienced in addition to the impact of real stereotypes they actually do experience in the healthcare arena. The healthcare industry must educate and monitor staff regarding stereotypes in general to improve healthcare-related outcomes and achieve person-centered care for everyone.

In a society where younger people are idolized, many have come to perceive old people as invisible, dependent, and not as valued as the young. This video describes the roots and consequences of ageism in America.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Older Adult Support: Do They Want or Need It? (Research)

Have you noticed that the older people get, the more they are viewed as being in need of support? The problem with this generalized way of thinking is that support can be a very complex consideration. First of all, how do older people really feel about being receivers of support? Researchers of older adults set out to find that answer by interviewing community-dwelling, childless, older adults who were perceived by many to be “at risk” of lack of support.

The real meaning of support became more evident when the level of receiving support had to be defined. When researchers and assessors asked participants if they had enough support, responses regarding support and the experience of receiving it were explained in diverse ways:

   1) Some participants received support resulting from particular circumstances such as illness. They  viewed this kind of support as acceptable due to qualities of the support giver, and/or by being part of  reciprocal exchanges across time.

   2)  Participants resisted support, however, when associated with difficult interpersonal dynamics or the  giver’s assumptions about the receiver’s incapacity.

   3)  Some expressed concerns about wanting to be independent and not needing support.

   4)  Some felt the idea of being old and the equivalent of being in need of support was negative in terms of  being a support receiver.

Where do these responses leave researchers, needs assessors, and potential support givers? These responses emphasize the importance of examining how support receivers view themselves and their particular support needs before attempting to fulfill them. Support givers must not make misleading assumptions about “at-risk” groups. Although childless participants were perceived to be unsupported, many of them had a lifetime of self-support or an intentionally developed  “web of contacts” that satisfied them just fine.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog