A Volunteer's Calling (Poem)

                                                    

“Defining Moments” is a poem I wrote after a series of events led to my becoming a hospice volunteer. Hospice volunteering crept up on me unnoticed during the HIV-AIDS pandemic that was one of the world’s most serious public health challenges. Early in the 1980's, the Centers for Disease Control reported five cases of AIDS in young homosexual men in Los Angeles, California. By 1994, AIDS had become the leading cause of death for all Americans ages 25 to 44.

Before the 1990's, I was not attracted to being actively involved in the healthcare field. I also wasn't skilled in caregiving at a personal level, sometimes feeling awkward around sick people in general. Nobody is more surprised than yours truly that I have been a satisfied hospice volunteer over 20 years involved with bedside caregiving in nursing homes, eldercare consulting, authoring a book, and eldercare blogging. You can read about my compelling transformation that includes a video in this LinkedIn article titled "Hospice Volunteer? No Thanks, Not Me!" (Video 3:25).

“Defining Moments” is one of 16 original poems at the end of each chapter of my book titled Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. Several readers have told me that “Defining Moments” resonates with them when they read it. As a writer, I appreciate knowing when something I have written connects with other people. But I was especially surprised one day when a man I did not know well had actually memorized the entire poem and approached me while reciting it aloud. This was followed by his sharing a heartfelt explanation of a defining moment in his own life. Perhaps this poem will remind you of a defining moment in your life when past met future.

Defining Moments

They come without warning,

grab us in chokeholds of change,

fling us into outer space

where past meets future.

In this realm resonating

with first-time knowledge,

we awaken wide-eyed,

infused with wisdom

to turn around, stand still

or move forward with clarity.

No matter how they smack,

stroke, lift, drop, push, kiss

or kick us to get our attention,

when they finish their mission,

we are permanently scarred.

© Frances Shani Parker

 

 

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Frances Shani Parker's Website

Hospice Book Review by Dr. Peter A. Lichtenberg: Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

Hospice Book Review: Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Author: Frances Shani Parker
Book Reviewer: Dr. Peter A. Lichtenberg, Director, Institute of Gerontology, Wayne State University, Detroit, Michigan

Frances Shani Parker makes death and the dying a vivid part of life in her book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. Ms. Parker describes the beginning of her journey into the world of hospice in the early chapters, engaging us in stories about men she knew who had HIV/AIDS and were dying. Her writing is excellent, and we see these men as whole individuals and not just as people dying. Ms. Parker brings her extraordinary gift of being able to see the many aspects of a person even when often these are covered up by pain, disease, or dementia.

Part One of the book contains many stories of people and her experiences with them in nursing home settings. Ms. Parker astutely observes the challenges of nursing home staff as well and eloquently writes some of their stories. Ultimately, we are treated in this first section to Ms. Parker’s love and compassion for those she serves and her humility in serving them. Her writing is tinged with profound respect for the individuals she worked with and helped. Each chapter closes with her lessons learned and her own poetry, much of which is compelling.

In Part Two, Ms. Parker broadens her book and gives advice and resources for the problems of caregiving, funerals, bereavement, hospice, and her dream for the future: Baby Boomer Haven. This part of the book is full of useful guides and facts, which will benefit all people caring for a loved one.

Ms. Parker was a school principal by profession. That title conjures up images of authority and power. It is thus striking that this book brings the stories of urban elders to the fore. Poverty, which so often makes people invisible, is not ignored here, but the stories of the human struggle, fear, kindnesses, and hopes predominate. This may be Ms. Parker’s greatest gift to her readers: bringing to life people and events that are indeed so often invisible. This book is truly a gift. The writing is eloquent and powerful, and the stories are instructive and lasting. After finishing this book, I wanted to do more for other individuals who are dying, for as Ms. Parker so clearly imparts, the dying teach us so much about living well.
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Praise for Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes from Roger Woodruff, Director of Palliative Care, International Association for Hospice and Palliative Care, Austin Health, Melbourne, Australia

"A school principal and hospice volunteer, Frances Shani Parker relates her experiences with dying people in nursing homes. The second part of the book is about what we as individuals and as a society must do to improve things for those who are dying. I particularly enjoyed the guided tour, conducted from a wheelchair, of Baby Boomer Haven."

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"I have been working in the hospice industry full time for several years and I have not seen a better depiction of this topic. Ms. Parker's book gives the most descriptive and genuine look into the true nature of hospice. Most people don't truly know the many benefits of hospice. Ms. Parker's book is informative, straightforward, factual, and timely. I think her book should be used for training in hospice courses and within hospice organizations across the country."

Stephanie Bowden, Palliative Care Liaison

"Frances Shani Parker used to be a school principal. Then she became a hospice volunteer and has written about her experiences in nursing homes. I received a copy of her book and it is excellent. I recommend it to anyone who works in a hospice setting, and for all CNA’s as well. I will venture to ask that DON’s and Administrators have a look too. Sometimes people in higher places at nursing homes forget some of Frances’ important lessons."

Patti Green, Co-Writer of CNA Blog Titled Nursing Assistant Resources on the Web

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Endorsements:

Alice Hedt - Director, National Citizens Coalition for Nursing Home Reform
Karyne Jones - President, National Caucus and Center on Black Aged
Dr. Naomi Long Madgett – Editor, Publisher, Poet Laureate of Detroit, Michigan
Dr. James C. Kielsmeir - President, National Youth Leadership Council (Chapter on Intergenerational Partnerships)
Nelda Brown - Executive Director, National Service-Learning Partnership at the Academy for Educational Development (Chapter on Intergenerational Partnerships)

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You can view excerpts from Becoming Dead Right here, including a video poem with over 23,700 views.

You can read another review of the book here by Dr. Naomi Long Madgett - Editor, Publisher and Poet Laureate of Detroit, Michigan

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Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog