Life Lesson From Dogs to Humans (Video 3:49)

A hospice volunteer over 20 years, I am featuring this post about dogs because it resonates on so many levels with human lives. We all die, but do we really strive to live life to the fullest? This post about mostly elderly, ill, rescued dogs shows us how to enjoy life. The dogs are showcased in a heartwarming video, actually a “dogumentary,” titled "Seven Days with Seven Dogs." Their story mesmerizes with a universal message for humans who are terminally ill, in good health, elderly or young.

Living at a refuge similar to a canine nursing home, the dogs struggle with health challenges ranging from deafness, epilepsy, hip dysplasia, heart murmur, and a lymphatic mass on one “hospice” dog predicted to live only a few more weeks. They experience serious life challenges just like humans do. The dogs' caregivers decide it is high time these canine seniors smell the roses we humans often forget to smell. Taking all the dogs on an adventurous trip to dog-friendly locations immersed in nature becomes a fantastic solution. We humans must search the wells of ourselves to find our own purposes and pleasures.

Regarding eldercare, this "dogumentary" encourages quality caregiving that should take place with ill, older adult humans, many who have supported others unconditionally for years. For seven days, join this soul-stirring, dog-centered trip where floral fragrances permeate the air, where wounded spirits soar, and where we are all reminded at personal levels that the best things in life are not things. Let's enjoy ourselves! Have some fun! It’s later than we think.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Dementia Caregiving Benefits (Alzheimer’s Research, Video 4:44)

Caregiving in general has positive and negative aspects, and dementia caregiving is no exception. Dementia refers to a group of conditions that gradually destroy brain cells and lead to mental decline. Many conditions can cause dementia, but Alzheimer’s disease is the leading cause. Those living with dementia may experience changes in behavior and personality, such as anxiety and delusions.  Like a fluttering bee, dementia can leave a caregiver wondering when it will make honey or sting.

It is helpful for caregivers to be reminded of the “honey” they can achieve in their caregiving roles, especially from the perspectives of primary caregivers of relatives. This research done with 57 primary caregivers of people living with dementia does that. These caregivers provided 669 diary recordings over an 8-week period. They described daily events and experiences in which positive gains in the form of themes were achieved. These were the positive themes they shared:

1)   Insights about dementia and acceptance of the condition

2)   A sense of purpose and commitment to the caregiving role

3)   Feelings of gratification when the care-recipient was functioning relatively well

4)   Skills to handle the care-recipient

5)   Increased patience and tolerance

6)   Positive meanings and humor amidst difficult circumstances

7)   Release of plans, such as an unrealistic personal agenda

8)   A closer relationship with the care-recipient

9)   Support and feelings of usefulness helping other caregivers

While negative outcomes for caregivers, such as depression, also need to be treated, drawing more awareness to these positive caregiver benefits and strategies to achieve them can be very rewarding. Knowing how to reframe stressful situations in a more positive light can add more positivity to caregiving experiences.

The following video titled “It’s a Sparrow” is a soul stirring example of how a negative caregiving experience can evolve into a positive one through thoughtful reflection.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice Volunteer Training Video: Caregiving, Dementia, Death, More (Video 30:16)

Frances Shani Parker, an eldercare consultant, writer and former school principal, has been a dedicated hospice volunteer for many years. In addition to serving nursing home residents, she is author of Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes (paperback, e-book) and writes a popular blog titled Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog. Featured in various eldercare media, she was interviewed on the television show Aging Well in America. She shares her experiences and general eldercare information that can benefit others, especially hospice and other healthcare volunteers. The video interview below covers these topics:

Hospice

Hospice Volunteer Training

Nursing Homes (Long-Term Care)

Volunteering

Caregiving

Dementia

Death Preparations

Intergenerational Partnerships

Older Adult Stereotypes

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers in America and other countries and in e-book editions at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Frances Shani Parker and Anne Marie Gattari Television Interview: Aging Well in America (Video 30:16)

Frances Shani Parker, an eldercare consultant, former school principal, hospice volunteer, and author of Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes, was featured guest on Aging Well in America, a television show hosted by Anne Marie Gattari. The interview covered these topics:

Hospice

Nursing Homes

Volunteering

Caregiving

Dementia

Death Preparations

Intergenerational Partnerships 

Older Adult Stereotypes

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice-Palliative Care Diversity Outreach: Asian Culture (Chinese American Video 1:32)

Meeting the cultural needs and preferences (ethnic and religious beliefs, values, and practices) of hospice-palliative care patients is an important part of quality health care. People view the world through their cultures and values. To ignore this fact and impose one’s own culture and values on others caters to miscommunication and alienation. With respect and sensitivity, bridges can be built that help people connect at human levels, regardless of their differences. The availability of more language interpreters at healthcare institutions can facilitate this communication and bonding. Ongoing education on the culture and traditions of various populations, along with the understanding that varied beliefs exist within each group, must be increased throughout the healthcare system to improve service to diverse groups.

Many Asians prefer family caregiving of their aging, terminally ill relatives. In addition to being reluctant to place their elders in nursing homes for hospice care, they may also be reluctant to discuss specifics about illnesses with those in their care to keep them hopeful and without worry. Some Asian cultures consider direct eye contact, particularly with someone considered a superior to be inappropriate. Healthcare providers should gather more knowledge of Asian culture, including input from Asians, in order to promote benefits of hospice and palliative care.

In the following video, Nellie Kwan, a hospice clinical supervisor who works for Self-Help Hospice in San Francisco, describes cultural concerns regarding end-of-life care and Chinese Americans. According to her, most Chinese Americans do not understand hospice at all. This video is part of the Hospice Foundation of America “HFA Cares” series:

Frances Shani Parker, Author

"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”

“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Aging, Sick Dogs on a Caregiving Trip (Video 3:49)

Two years ago, I did a blog post on sick, aging dogs enjoying a life-enhancing trip. The dogs were showcased in a heartwarming video, actually a “dogumentary,” titled "Seven Days with Seven Dogs." Like an old tune with different singers, the video continues to mesmerize about terminally ill older adults of the non-human kind.

Living at a refuge similar to a canine nursing home, the dogs struggled with health challenges ranging from deafness, epilepsy, hip dysplasia, heart murmur, and a lymphatic mass on one “hospice” dog predicted to live only a few more weeks. Caregiving humans decided it was high time these canine seniors had their chance at smelling the roses we humans often have to remind ourselves to smell. A great way to do this was to take all the dogs on an adventurous trip to dog-friendly locations immersed in nature.

This video shows another application of quality caregiving with an ill, older adult population that has supported others unconditionally for years. Join this soul-stirring, dog-centered trip where floral fragrances permeate the air, where wounded spirits soar, and where we are reminded at personal levels that the best things in life are not things.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Caregiving with Music Enhances Communication

Are you a caregiver? Do you sing? Do you enjoy playing music? If you answered “yes” to these questions, you have the ability to add vitality and meaning to patients’ lives, especially those who have dementia. Music and singing can uplift their spirits.

A study was done to enhance vocally expressed emotions and moods in the communication between caregivers and persons with severe dementia. Participants included nine nursing home residents with dementia and five professional caregivers. The presence of background music and caregiver singing enhanced the communication between caregivers and residents. Background music promoted playfulness. Caregiver singing improved sincerity and intimacy in their interactions.

How do these results influence you as a caregiver who sings or plays music? They support your efforts to provide quality of life for patients with dementia. Take the time to find kinds of music you think patients will enjoy. Let the magic play.

You can read the research that was reported in the “International Journal of Nursing Studies.”

In this video, Mary Peakes, a hospice nurse, sings "I Wanna Go" to patient Pamela Rucker, who died a few days later. Pamela’s daughter stated, “I want to thank all the hospice nurses. I am so grateful for these angels who helped my mother and her family through this difficult time.”

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

BlogTalkRadio Interview with Frances Shani Parker, Author of “Becoming Dead Right” (30 mins.)

Earlier this week, I was interviewed by Patricia Grace, a certified senior advisor and host of the BlogTalkRadio Show “Aging with Grace.” This show airs weekly on Monday evenings in Pennsylvania and showcases discussions related to eldercare. BlogTalkRadio is the social radio network that allows users to connect quickly and directly with their audiences. Using an ordinary telephone and computer, hosts can create free, live, call-in talk shows.

Patricia Grace and I covered several topics during our interview. They included the following:

1) Hospice Care
2) Caregiving
3) School-Nursing Home Partnerships
4) Healthcare Research
5) Culture Change in Nursing Homes
6) Ten Tips for Becoming Dead Right

You can listen to the "Aging with Grace" interview here.


Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Caregiving: Love, Hatred, Guilt, Joy, Resignation (Video 4:10 mins.)

A caregiver’s role can be a complicated potpourri of love, hatred, guilt, joy and resignation. During my years as a hospice volunteer, I have met caregivers who served in that role for a variety of reasons. These are three examples from my book “Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.”

1) “We held a family meeting when Mom and Pops continued to deteriorate healthwise. They had reached the stage where they couldn’t live alone any longer. Mom almost burned the house down, and Pops started roaming all over the neighborhood asking people where he lived. At the meeting, everybody had reasons why they couldn’t be primary caregivers. They either lived out of town or had other obligations they said interfered. Several of them mentioned that I lived in town and didn’t have as many responsibilities as they did. I don’t know how they could make assumptions like that about what’s going on in my life. I don’t tell them most of my personal business. Anyway, I finally agreed to be the primary caregiver, but only if they would all make a written commitment with me. We made a list of what everybody would do to help on a regular basis. I can truthfully say they all are doing what they promised, including contributing money to our parents’ care. Knowing I can always count on them helps me a lot and makes my parents proud of the way we are handling things.”

2) “If you look at who’s taking care of my daddy now, you wouldn’t know he had three other children besides me. The others hardly do anything for him, and I’m always asking them to help out. Before you start thinking he was a bad father when we were growing up, let me tell you he wasn’t. If you want to know the truth, he was too good to us. My trifling sisters and brothers just took him for granted. Now, they know Daddy is confused with Alzheimer’s disease, so they use that as another excuse not to come see him. They figure he won’t miss them. My siblings are a disgrace. Everything is on me.”

3) “My mother was the kind of person who never should have had children. She was into drugs and the fast life for as long as I can remember. As a child, I prayed for her to change, but she never did. She left us alone a lot, even at night. Finally, my grandmother stepped up and raised my sisters and me. Bless her soul, she died six years ago. We made sure she didn’t want for anything. Now, my mother’s dying, and I’m the only one who will come see about her. My sisters say she’s getting what she deserves for all those years she chose dope over us. I don’t judge them because I know how they feel. I’m still angry with her myself, but I come see about her anyway. I guess I want to be a better person than she is.”

© Frances Shani Parker

Most people don’t set out to become caregivers. Some enjoy nurturing their patients and find the caregiving experience challenging, but rewarding. Few people talk about caregivers who feel depressed, guilty, trapped in a hole with no way out, except the death of persons in their care. For an encouraging visual reminder about caregiving, I refer you to this video “Remember Me,” which is from the perspective of a patient in need of care.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”


"Remember Me", Adult Siblings, Caregiving, Solutions, Video, 

Hospice Book Review by Dr. Peter A. Lichtenberg: Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

Hospice Book Review: Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Author: Frances Shani Parker
Book Reviewer: Dr. Peter A. Lichtenberg, Director, Institute of Gerontology, Wayne State University, Detroit, Michigan

Frances Shani Parker makes death and the dying a vivid part of life in her book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. Ms. Parker describes the beginning of her journey into the world of hospice in the early chapters, engaging us in stories about men she knew who had HIV/AIDS and were dying. Her writing is excellent, and we see these men as whole individuals and not just as people dying. Ms. Parker brings her extraordinary gift of being able to see the many aspects of a person even when often these are covered up by pain, disease, or dementia.

Part One of the book contains many stories of people and her experiences with them in nursing home settings. Ms. Parker astutely observes the challenges of nursing home staff as well and eloquently writes some of their stories. Ultimately, we are treated in this first section to Ms. Parker’s love and compassion for those she serves and her humility in serving them. Her writing is tinged with profound respect for the individuals she worked with and helped. Each chapter closes with her lessons learned and her own poetry, much of which is compelling.

In Part Two, Ms. Parker broadens her book and gives advice and resources for the problems of caregiving, funerals, bereavement, hospice, and her dream for the future: Baby Boomer Haven. This part of the book is full of useful guides and facts, which will benefit all people caring for a loved one.

Ms. Parker was a school principal by profession. That title conjures up images of authority and power. It is thus striking that this book brings the stories of urban elders to the fore. Poverty, which so often makes people invisible, is not ignored here, but the stories of the human struggle, fear, kindnesses, and hopes predominate. This may be Ms. Parker’s greatest gift to her readers: bringing to life people and events that are indeed so often invisible. This book is truly a gift. The writing is eloquent and powerful, and the stories are instructive and lasting. After finishing this book, I wanted to do more for other individuals who are dying, for as Ms. Parker so clearly imparts, the dying teach us so much about living well.
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Praise for Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes from Roger Woodruff, Director of Palliative Care, International Association for Hospice and Palliative Care, Austin Health, Melbourne, Australia

"A school principal and hospice volunteer, Frances Shani Parker relates her experiences with dying people in nursing homes. The second part of the book is about what we as individuals and as a society must do to improve things for those who are dying. I particularly enjoyed the guided tour, conducted from a wheelchair, of Baby Boomer Haven."

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"I have been working in the hospice industry full time for several years and I have not seen a better depiction of this topic. Ms. Parker's book gives the most descriptive and genuine look into the true nature of hospice. Most people don't truly know the many benefits of hospice. Ms. Parker's book is informative, straightforward, factual, and timely. I think her book should be used for training in hospice courses and within hospice organizations across the country."

Stephanie Bowden, Palliative Care Liaison

"Frances Shani Parker used to be a school principal. Then she became a hospice volunteer and has written about her experiences in nursing homes. I received a copy of her book and it is excellent. I recommend it to anyone who works in a hospice setting, and for all CNA’s as well. I will venture to ask that DON’s and Administrators have a look too. Sometimes people in higher places at nursing homes forget some of Frances’ important lessons."

Patti Green, Co-Writer of CNA Blog Titled Nursing Assistant Resources on the Web

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Endorsements:

Alice Hedt - Director, National Citizens Coalition for Nursing Home Reform
Karyne Jones - President, National Caucus and Center on Black Aged
Dr. Naomi Long Madgett – Editor, Publisher, Poet Laureate of Detroit, Michigan
Dr. James C. Kielsmeir - President, National Youth Leadership Council (Chapter on Intergenerational Partnerships)
Nelda Brown - Executive Director, National Service-Learning Partnership at the Academy for Educational Development (Chapter on Intergenerational Partnerships)

___________________________________________________

You can view excerpts from Becoming Dead Right here, including a video poem with over 23,700 views.

You can read another review of the book here by Dr. Naomi Long Madgett - Editor, Publisher and Poet Laureate of Detroit, Michigan

__________________________________________________

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Children as Caregivers: A Hidden National Problem (Video 2:54 mins.)

Most of us are aware of the millions of unpaid adult caregivers in America. But did you know that 1.4 million children, some as young as eight years old, are also caregivers? Most of their disabled or sick patients, usually parents or grandparents, have Alzheimer’s disease or cancer. Because these young people take on complex responsibilities early in life, they often miss experiences that most children take for granted. Sleepovers and after-school activities can be difficult when an ill loved one needs caregivng available at home. This problem is particularly prevalent in minority communities and among low to mid-income families.

A government study based on two national surveys by Mathew Greenwald and Associates reports that caregiving for young people can include, not only feeding, dressing, and medicating, but also toileting, bathing, and changing adult diapers. It is not unusual for these children to miss school in order to perform their caregiving duties. The emotional stress they carry can be even more harmful to them than the physical burdens. They are also more likely to be anxious and depressed.

You can view this video that gives more information about this seldom discussed problem of children serving as caregivers with adult responsibilities.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Caregiver Resources

Whenever I’m approached by local, frustrated seniors who need help and don’t know where to go, I recommend the Detroit Area Agency on Aging. The phone number there is (313) 446-4444. Caregivers can find a wide variety of support services available to them through this agency. Area Agencies on Aging (AAA) are located in just about every state. They can be found by calling the National Eldercare Locater at 800-677-1116 or going online at www.eldercare.gov.

Some of the services they provide are legal assistance, respite care, home health aide care, Meals on Wheels, transportation, and help with chores and repairs. Many of the services do not have an income requirement, so it’s best to check to see what’s available. Two helpful Internet resources for caregivers are AARP, which has extensive information, and the National Alliance for Caregiving, a non-profit coalition of national organizations focusing on issues of family caregiving.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog