Alone, But Not Lonely (Research, Personality Traits Video 5:21)

Older adults and others who live alone are often viewed as having adverse health conditions and/or poor social networking skills. Some observers assume that those who are viewed as loners are unhappy with their lives and live with sad feelings of isolation from others. While this possibility exists, it is important to remember that many people who enjoy aloneness are living lives that they find satisfying and socially fulfilling.

A research study was done on the perspectives of older adults regarding their time spent alone. Participants lived in a retirement village or lived independently in the community. The three themes noted from their responses were having balance in activities, keeping busy, and experiencing nights as the worst times. This study highlights the importance some older people place on their need to manage time alone so that it is a positive and nourishing experience and to avoid extended periods of boredom. Enabling older adults to balance time spent alone by addressing barriers to participation in the community in addition to finding engaging ways to occupy time has the potential to prevent loneliness and improve well-being.

Like people of all ages, many older adults enjoy their alone time and do not view their aloneness as loneliness. Spending quality time alone can have many advantages when people have developed interesting activities that add purpose  to their lives. A lifestyle in which aloneness plays a major role may not suit everybody. But, for those who enjoy longer periods of alone time, it can be a positive addition to their overall healthy living.

The luring road to solitude promises countless adventures that enhance life journeys. Who are the people who savor this aloneness time with passion? This video explains 12 of their special personality traits.      

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Nursing Home Technology: Aibo, the Robotic Dog, Eases Loneliness (Video 1:53 mins.)

I first read about Aibo, Sony’s robotic dog, in 2006 when it was being tested in nursing homes. I was so impressed with the pleasing possibilities this little charmer could bring to patients, especially lonely ones, that I included robotic dogs in my book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. In the chapter titled Baby Boomer Haven, in which an imaginary tour of a nursing home based on current best practices is described, I say this:

“Watch out for Diva Dog over there, one of several resident pets. She’s just looking you over to make sure you look her over. In her spare time, she’s a certified psychologist. For residents who prefer the convenience of a responsive robotic pet, we have two mechanical dogs that operate with artificial intelligence. They provide playful companionship without the need for feeding, walking, and cleaning up after them. The best part about the mechanical dogs is that the more residents interact with them, the more responsive the dogs become to the residents. All the animals here are like our extended family. For some of us, they are our only family.”

After that testing period, Aibo disappeared, but a few months ago, I was glad to hear strong rumors about an Aibo resurrection. The new Aibo will have downloadable personalities. It will be fully Wi-Fi controllable and able to climb stairs. Referred to as Aibo PS (PlayStation), this mechanical dog awakens itself, senses sounds and motion, and pings e-mail. Wagging its tail, Aibo also bleeps with pleasure when petted, responds to several commands, and enjoys the company of others like a living dog would.

During seven weeks of tests at three nursing homes, researchers compared how residents interacted with Sparky, a living mid-sized dog, and Aibo. According to Dr. William Banks, professor of geriatric medicine at Saint Louis University, “The most surprising thing is they (robotic dogs) worked almost equally well in alleviating loneliness and causing residents to form attachments.” To that I say, “Good dog, Aibo!” You can read more about this nursing home experiment with Aibo at  “Medical News Today” website.

Meet the amazing Aibo:

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice and Nursing Homes: Loneliness and Being Remembered (Video 3:57 mins.)

The following includes an excerpt from my book, "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.” This chapter titled “Love Food” explores the importance of being remembered and other nourishment patients need to feel whole.

“Everybody at the senior citizen center asks about you all the time,” I read aloud to Jeannine (pseudonym) from a letter she had received earlier that week. “We still meet every week to play bridge and gossip. It’s not the same without you. People say you were the best bridge player. These days, even I’m winning games. Last week, we had our annual spring party. The last time you came, the two of us ate most of the cookies and didn’t feel embarrassed at all (smile). We sure had some good times together.”

Jeannine stopped me to explain everything, just in case I hadn’t understood what I had read. “See, I learned how to play bridge a long time ago when hardly anybody I knew was playing. My friend Laura taught me because she needed a partner to play with her. I learned as a favor to her and to make new friends. I guess I caught on fast. Next thing I knew, I was teaching her a few things. I remember eating those cookies, too. And they were delicious. We played pranks all the time. We were just a bunch of overgrown kids having a ball cracking jokes whenever we got together.”

Jeannine had been going to the center for sixteen years. Now, she was in a nursing home away from the buffet of fun they had created. But none of that mattered today. What mattered was that they still cared about her, and she had this cherished letter to prove it. She experienced a mental feast of enjoyment. I smiled, knowing her satisfaction was caused by something she had eaten, something called love food.”

© Frances Shani Parker

This video explores a patient's loneliness and the importance of being remembered.

Frances Shani Parker
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Nursing Home Poem on Lonely Residents (Video 1:54 mins.)

This post includes the poem “Missing” from my book, Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. 

As a hospice volunteer, I have seen too many lonely residents. More than once, I have been the only non-staff person regularly visiting a resident. Several of these residents had relatives and friends living in or near the city. One day, a woman at my resident's funeral thanked me for visiting her dying aunt. She said her aunt had been wonderful to her when she was growing up. She added that she didn’t visit her aunt during her years in the nursing home because she lived “on the other side of town.”

I’ve also heard relatives and friends excuse themselves from visiting by saying, “Mama doesn’t recognize me anymore, so she doesn’t know I rarely visit” and “I can’t bear to see my brother in this condition. I don't visit him because I want to remember him the way he was.” Unfortunately, for many residents, loneliness has become a way of life.

A study by Robert S. Wilson at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago concludes that lonely people may be twice as likely to develop dementia linked to Alzheimer's disease late in life than those who are not lonely. Research by University of Chicago psychologists Louise Hawkley and John Cacioppo concludes that lonely people go through life in a heightened state of arousal that becomes more apparent with aging. They also have a poorer quality of sleep, resulting in more daytime dysfunction.

The following poem speaks to the loneliness of residents everywhere, especially in nursing homes:

Missing

She waited,
hoping her years of caring
endured in grown-up minds,
rested in distant hearts,
conveyed how much she missed them.

She waited,
living real-time movies
of restless nights, anxious days
with inhaled hopes of fellowship,
exhaled sighs of deep despair.

She waited,
wishing nostalgic winds
flowed through cotton curtains,
brought relatives and friends
she cherished through the years.

She waited,
grasping like a New Year’s resolution,
like a second suspended in time
until her clock stopped ticking
for visitors who never came.

© Frances Shani Parker

This brief video demonstrates caregiving that helps prevent loneliness.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes 
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog