"Missing" - An Older Adult, Loneliness Poem

"She waited, grasping like a New Year's resolution..."

 Many older adults rarely enjoy visitors they seldom see during most of the year. Whether at home or in institutions, loneliness can be both difficult and dangerous for their overall health. Too many of them endure the negative impact of loneliness daily.

“Missing” is one of sixteen original poems at the end of each chapter in Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. A hospice volunteer, I wrote it after witnessing the sadness of lonely nursing home residents who were missing the missing. They coped with ongoing loneliness that could easily have been avoided with gifts of time. But some relatives and friends kept putting off visiting them until it was too late. Consider making every effort to visit those who are ill or alone. Don’t sentence them to another year of missing you.

Missing

She waited,
hoping her years of caring
endured in grown-up minds,
rested in distant hearts,
conveyed how much she missed them.

She waited,
living real-time movies
of restless nights, anxious days
with inhaled hopes of fellowship,
exhaled sighs of deep despair.

She waited,
wishing nostalgic winds
flowed through cotton curtains,
brought relatives and friends
she cherished through the years.

She waited,
grasping like a New Year's resolution,
like a second suspended in time
until her clock stopped ticking
for visitors who never came.

© Frances Shani Parker

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog, Frances Shani Parker's Website

Bullying, Loneliness, Mortality in Older Adult Senior Communities (Research, Bullying Link)

Solitude can be a good friend at any age for those who have learned to embrace its opportunities. Loneliness, on the other hand, is another story. While every age experiences some level of loneliness, older adults are often assumed to experience loneliness more as their peers die. People often imagine older adults living at home alone in a house where they have few visitors or other forms of engaging contact while life happens. They also may not make the connection that ongoing loneliness can negatively impact health, particularly in the form of depression, a risk factor for other serious healthcare issues.

Ironically, older adult housing communities are often viewed as solutions to the loneliness problems of those living alone at home. But aging in place at home can be a good thing when all the caregiving, social, security and enrichment pieces are in place. These same factors should also be in place in excellent housing communities. Sometimes they aren’t available in either location.

While few studies have examined the effects of loneliness and social isolation on older adult health, this study, which included a nationally representative sample of middle-aged and older adults with a follow-up period of up to 20 years, did. Results show that effects of loneliness and social isolation interact with each other: The higher the social isolation, the larger the effect of loneliness on mortality. The higher the loneliness, the larger the effect of social isolation.

Preventing social isolation in older adult communities includes important components involving mental, spiritual, and physical stimulation provided by various experiences such as exercise and other classes, entertainment, clubs, trips, games, movies, dining experiences, etc. This buffet of well-rounded choices from which residents decide how to live their daily lives should be grounded in an institutional culture supporting each resident’s right to be treated with equality and respect at all times.

I could not end this post without addressing bullying, an under-reported and too often unaddressed problem in many older adult communities. Bullying often plays a role in older adults isolating themselves to avoid contact with bullies who target them or others. Being excluded from seating in dining areas, movie theater rooms, etc., to which they are entitled on a first-come, first-served basis, as well as verbal, mental, and physical abuse are all forms of bullying. No one should have to age while being mistreated regularly by selfish neighbors who justify their actions that negatively impact victims' health. Studies indicate that one in five older adults are bullied. Senior communities must have ongoing assessment, implementation, monitoring, and staff inservice training supporting equality and respect in the culture of their communities. 

You can read my post on bullying, which includes detailed examples, solutions, and a brief video explaining some of the legal and legislative senior bullying issues here: 
https://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/2018/07/bullying-in-older-adult-communities.html

Bullying in older adult senior communities continues to escalate. More information and solutions can be found at this AARP site: https://www.aarp.org/home-family/your-home/info-2018/bullying-senior-housing.html.

Frances Shani Parker
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Older Adult Loneliness (Research, Video 3:57)

Loneliness lurks in everyone’s life at some point. Older adult women and men often live during a time when their peers and family members are dying. Their lifestyles readjust due to various reasons such as declining health or retirement. They can be deeply impacted by loneliness, a risk factor for depression. Do women and men experience loneliness in the same ways? That’s what this research on loneliness examined. 

With 1079 participants ranging in age from 64-94, loneliness was measured during face-to-face interviews. An analysis of the association of loneliness with socio-demographic, physical, and psychological factors rendered the following results:

       1) The mean level of loneliness was not significantly different between women and men.

   

       2) Among the oldest old (85+), loneliness was higher in women.

       3) Women were more disadvantaged regarding living arrangements as well as physical and mental   health.

       4) Men had more adverse mental health conditions associated significantly with loneliness such as depression, low satisfaction with life, and low resilience.

       5) Living alone was not associated with loneliness.

       6) Lower social network was associated with a three-time higher risk for feeling lonely in both women and men.

These findings should be applied when ways to alleviate loneliness are considered. Year-round regular cards, letters, and visits from family, friends, volunteers, and others can do so much to improve older adults’ self-esteem and general quality of life. The average person can help older adults by offering assistance, sharing activities and helpful information with them, and by being an encouraging listener. This video conveys the overwhelming effects of loneliness, being forgotten, and the joy of being remembered.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Poem About Loneliness in Older Adults/ Seniors

                                         
She waited, grasping like a New Year's resolution...

Festive holidays have brought cherished opportunities for many older adults to enjoy some visitors they seldom see during most of the year. Whether at home or in institutions, loneliness can be both difficult and dangerous for their overall health. Too many of them endure the negative impact of loneliness daily.

“Missing” is one of sixteen original poems at the end of each chapter in Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. A hospice volunteer, I wrote it after witnessing the sadness of lonely nursing home residents who were missing the missing. They coped with ongoing loneliness that could easily have been avoided with gifts of time. But some relatives and friends kept putting off visiting them until it was too late.

As this new year begins with resolutions for change, consider making every effort to visit those who are ill or alone. Don’t sentence them to another year of missing you.

Missing

She waited,

hoping her years of caring

endured in grown-up minds,

rested in distant hearts,

conveyed how much she missed them.

She waited,

living real-time movies

of restless nights, anxious days

with inhaled hopes of fellowship,

exhaled sighs of deep despair.

She waited,

wishing nostalgic winds

flowed through cotton curtains,

brought relatives and friends

she cherished through the years.

She waited,

grasping like a New Year's resolution,

like a second suspended in time

until her clock stopped ticking

for visitors who never came.

© Frances Shani Parker

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog