Holidays Your Way

What's best for you during the holidays? Many people associate holidays with particular traditions that may include familiar people, places, rituals, foods, music, and more. They may even internalize that if all or most of these components are not present, then their holidays are lacking, not whole, maybe even a failure. These feelings can lead to depression, helplessness about too much of their personal needs not being met.

Particularly troubling for some may be their adjustment to holiday customs after the loss of loved ones. In cases where memories remind them of traditions that are difficult to do without people no longer there, mourners may want to consider other ways they can better embrace the holidays. One option is to create new holiday practices. If holidays were celebrated as a family, new traditions can be planned as a family with input open to everyone. This will give them opportunities to discuss their feelings about the deceased loved ones and possibly include something in the new traditions that will commemorate the deceased in an uplifting manner. This could be a type of memorial that adds pleasure to holidays in the future.

Caregivers have special considerations and should not totally neglect their own needs. With a focus on the positive, they should create a workable plan to have holidays as stress-free as possible. They can consider including the essentials of what they hope to accomplish and eliminating activities that are not really needed. They should encourage assistance from others and be mindful of balance in their own lives. AARP suggests these 10 holiday tips specifically for caregivers.

Whatever situations the holidays bring, remember that there is no one way of participation for everyone. There are different ways that work well for different people. Their choices should be respected and not judged negatively because they are not the norm. For those who find the holidays frustrating, phony, or too commercial, they may want to redirect their holiday focus and participate in activities that are calmer and more meaningful to them. One example could be volunteering at places where they can be helpful to others. Some may want to celebrate alone or socialize with one or two friends. Another choice could be taking a trip to a location they love or want to experience.

Whether celebrating the holidays alone, with others, or not at all, people should follow their hearts and do what feels best for them. Person-centered holidays can include activities that may not have anything to do with the holidays at all, but everything to do with their own quality of life.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Holiday Coping With Grief: Bereavement Support After a Loved One Dies (Hospice Video 2:27)

Some people dread the holidays. They view them as slices of life that bring painful reminders of losing a loved one. They associate holiday traditions with familiar people and places that are incomplete and no longer fulfilling. These bereavement suggestions offer support for those coping with grief during the holidays:

Excerpt from “Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”

"Mourners have to decide the best ways they can adjust to the holidays. One option is to create new holiday traditions. If holidays were celebrated as a family, new traditions can be planned as a family, so everyone can have input. This will give family members an opportunity to discuss their feelings about the deceased loved one and possibly include something in the new tradition that commemorates that person in an uplifting manner. This could be a type of memorial that adds pleasure to holidays in the future, something that would have pleased the deceased.

Whether celebrating the holidays alone, with others, or not at all, people should always follow their hearts and do what feels best for them. There is no one way for everyone. There are different ways that work well for different people. Some people who found the holidays stressful, phony, or too commercial before their loved one died may want to redirect their holiday focus. They might choose to participate in an activity that is calmer and more meaningful to them such as volunteering at places where they can help others or sharing with others in another capacity. Others may want to celebrate alone or with a few friends, take a trip to another state or country, or just be involved with something they enjoy doing that may or may not have anything to do with the holidays, but everything to do with their own quality of life."

In this Hospice of the Florida Suncoast video titled “Hospice Care and Grief Counseling: Coping With Holidays After a Loved One's Death,” Sandi Sunter shares more suggestions for coping with holiday grief.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”

“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Holiday Grief Support (Video Poem 4:00 mins.)

The holidays can be a troubling time for many who are grieving the loss of loved ones. Through the years, people associate holiday traditions with familiar people and places. These suggestions offer bereavement support for those dealing with grief during the holidays:

Excerpt from "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”

"Mourners have to decide the best ways they can adjust to the holidays. One option is to create new holiday traditions. If holidays were celebrated as a family, new traditions can be planned as a family, so everyone can have input. This will give family members an opportunity to discuss their feelings about the deceased loved one and possibly include something in the new tradition that commemorates that person in an uplifting manner. This could be a type of memorial that adds pleasure to holidays in the future, something that would have pleased the deceased.

Whether celebrating the holidays alone, with others, or not at all, people should always follow their hearts and do what feels best for them. There is no one way for everyone. There are different ways that work well for different people. Some people who found the holidays stressful, phony, or too commercial before their loved one died may want to redirect their holiday focus. They might choose to participate in an activity that is calmer and more meaningful to them such as volunteering at places where they can help others or sharing with others in another capacity. Others may want to celebrate alone or with a few friends, take a trip to another state or country, or just be involved with something they enjoy doing that may or may not have anything to do with the holidays, but everything to do with their own quality of life."

This video by TheLightBeyond.com offers bereavement support based on the sympathy poem “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep.” The poem comforts with thoughts that the deceased loved one is reflected in nature.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Holiday Help: Caregivers and Relatives with Dementia, Alzheimer’s Disease (Video 1:57 mins.)

The holidays are approaching fast. You’re a caregiver of a relative with dementia. You dread the upcoming love-hate festivities you have grown to expect during this busy time of year. You can really use some help.

According to University of South Carolina research involving caregivers of relatives with Alzheimer’s disease, the leading cause of dementia, there are three themes that may be prominent during your holiday season:

1) Becoming aware of your relative's symptoms

2) Trying to have one last normal holiday

3) Deciding how to handle holidays when your relative lives in an assisted living facility

Support is available from healthcare providers and others who can empower you during these joyous and sometimes stressful weeks of planning and celebration. In this video titled "Through the Holidays," Eve Moses, an educator with the Alzheimer’s Association, offers practical suggestions that can assist you in making happy holiday memories.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

Bereavement Support: Holiday Grief (Video Poem 4:00 mins.)

The holidays can be a troubling time for many who are grieving the loss of loved ones. Through the years, people associate holiday traditions with familiar people and places. My book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes includes these suggestions for dealing with grief during the holidays:

“Mourners have to decide the best ways they can adjust to the holidays. One option is to create new holiday traditions. If holidays were celebrated as a family, new traditions can be planned as a family, so everyone can have input. This will give family members an opportunity to discuss their feelings about the deceased loved one and possibly include something in the new tradition that commemorates that person in an uplifting manner. This could be a type of memorial that adds pleasure to holidays in the future, something that would have pleased the deceased.

Whether celebrating the holidays alone, with others, or not at all, people should always follow their hearts and do what feels best for them. There is no one way for everyone. There are different ways that work well for different people. Some people who found the holidays stressful, phony, or too commercial before their loved one died may want to redirect their holiday focus. They might choose to participate in an activity that is calmer and more meaningful to them such as volunteering at places where they can help others or sharing with others in another capacity. Others may want to celebrate alone or with a few friends, take a trip to another state or country, or just be involved with something they enjoy doing that may or may not have anything to do with the holidays, but everything to do with their own quality of life."

© Frances Shani Parker

This video by TheLightBeyond.com offers bereavement support based on the sympathy poem “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep.” The poem comforts with thoughts that the deceased loved one is reflected in nature.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog