Life Lesson From Dogs to Humans (Video 3:49)

A hospice volunteer over 20 years, I am featuring this post about dogs because it resonates on so many levels with human lives. We all die, but do we really strive to live life to the fullest? This post about mostly elderly, ill, rescued dogs shows us how to enjoy life. The dogs are showcased in a heartwarming video, actually a “dogumentary,” titled "Seven Days with Seven Dogs." Their story mesmerizes with a universal message for humans who are terminally ill, in good health, elderly or young.

Living at a refuge similar to a canine nursing home, the dogs struggle with health challenges ranging from deafness, epilepsy, hip dysplasia, heart murmur, and a lymphatic mass on one “hospice” dog predicted to live only a few more weeks. They experience serious life challenges just like humans do. The dogs' caregivers decide it is high time these canine seniors smell the roses we humans often forget to smell. Taking all the dogs on an adventurous trip to dog-friendly locations immersed in nature becomes a fantastic solution. We humans must search the wells of ourselves to find our own purposes and pleasures.

Regarding eldercare, this "dogumentary" encourages quality caregiving that should take place with ill, older adult humans, many who have supported others unconditionally for years. For seven days, join this soul-stirring, dog-centered trip where floral fragrances permeate the air, where wounded spirits soar, and where we are all reminded at personal levels that the best things in life are not things. Let's enjoy ourselves! Have some fun! It’s later than we think.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Terminal Illness: Patients’ Attitudes, Views (Research, Video 2:39)

Some days, feelings of despair try to take over. Other days, simple joys in life seem bigger than ever imagined. Most people experience varied moods from time to time. However, with so much focus being placed on treatment, terminally ill patients may need to focus more on maintaining positive outlooks. A lot depends on how they view themselves and their condition. Attitude really is everything.

What are some palliative care patients’ views on coping with mood swings?
A study of terminally ill advanced cancer patients revealed the following regarding their attitudes and helpful coping strategies, life narratives, and spirituality:

1) Resources were found in meaningful contacts with others.

2) Personal attention of professional medical caregivers for their well-being was also appreciated.

Kathleen was a terminally ill nurse who was told she had only six months to live. Her life advice to others who are terminally ill is embodied in her actions after her diagnosis. When the cancer storm came, she made positive adjustments. She shared her heartfelt sentiments in this video that teaches about living, making good choices, and being remembered.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Win-Win Hospice Volunteering

By Frances Shani Parker

1) Remember why you serve.

There’s a reason you feel compelled to enhance lives of the terminally ill. Cherish that inspiration. Move forward committed to an amazing and rewarding healthcare adventure.

2) Believe it’s all win-win.

Providing end-of-life service is a privilege, not a calling to be a savior. You and those you support come together in relationships of mutual improvement. Honor your win-win journey.

3) Be present.

By all means, show up. But be present with patients after you arrive. Evaluate appearances, behaviors, surroundings, and interactions with others. Listen with your heart. Even silence speaks. Really try to understand life from their perspectives. Focus on advocacy for improving their quality of living.

4) Try other doors.

Patients will have challenges such as dementia that may not respond to your usual front-door communication. Try other doors and even windows. Obstacles are enrichment opportunities in your partnerships with patients. Touch, music, pictures, stories, and fantasies are a few entry points. Let patients help you navigate your way into their world.

5) Know your piece in the puzzle.

Adherence to rules of protocol and professional ethics should be routine. Be aware of boundaries such as confidentiality regarding yourself, your patients, and their loved ones. Follow guidelines of your hospice organization, and seek help when needed.

6) Untie your knots.

There may be times of doubt, confusion, sadness, and guilt. These are normal knots of the caregiving process. Untie them by seeking support for your total well-being. Maintain proper rest, nutrition, exercise, and balance in your own life. Do your best. Don’t be surprised when you discover reasons to kiss yourself.

7) Spread the word.

Be knowledgeable about hospice and palliative care. Share information so others can benefit from these specialized areas of healthcare. Encourage involvement in hospice and palliative care career and service activities.

8) Pick up a turtle.

If you see a turtle sitting on a fence post, you know somebody helped to put it there. Be on the lookout for turtles aiming for fence posts. Be a role model for other volunteers. Participate in organizations, conferences, workshops, and discussion groups where you can share best practices while learning new ideas.

9) Write death sentences.

Death will come no matter how often you avoid it or wrestle it to the ground. Have your advance directives, finances, and property in legal order. Urge others to do the same. Don’t burden loved ones later with important decisions you can record now. As you unfasten yourself from this life, be satisfied knowing your death sentences will be carried out according to your wishes.

10) Expect rainbow smiles.

Rainbow smiles hug you so tightly you can feel ribs of joy press against your essence. Hospice volunteering provides ongoing experiences for you to positively impact lives. When you do, rainbow smiles will come.

© Frances Shani Parker, author of Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Patient-Caregiver Loneliness Solutions (Research, Video 1:42)

If you are around terminally ill patients and their caregivers on a regular basis,

you may have noticed the following just as I have:

1)   Patients miss personal contact with friends and family who may not be able to visit them regularly, particularly if patients live at new locations such as nursing homes. Some may not visit because of transportation issues or because they find the idea of visiting a hospice patient in person too depressing. I had a patient once whose mother refused to visit him due to the neighborhood where the nursing home was located.

2)   Patients want to feel more empowered and in control of their lives. They want to be able to initiate interesting conversations about current events, recent stories about family and friends, and feel like they are making exciting contributions to conversations that welcome their input.

3)   Caregivers experience the loneliness of not being able to socialize with family and friends freely the way they did before they became responsible for someone terminally ill. Some friends and family may have stopped inviting them out because they think caregivers will probably not be available. Some may feel awkward talking to caregivers in person about their problems.

4)   Caregivers often feel stressed out spending so much time being caregivers, often with few outlets for outside communication. They can benefit from stimulation beyond their caregiving world and feel like life isn’t passing them by.

Research often validates what we already observe simply from living life.

When I ran across loneliness research comparing the loneliness experiences of the dying, their caregivers, and the general population, I began drawing my own conclusions based on my own observations. The Institute for the Study and Treatment of Psychosocial Stress in Toronto, Ontario, Canada performed research involving 37 dying cancer patients, 78 caregivers and 128 participants from the general population. All responded anonymously to a 30-item questionnaire describing their experience of loneliness.

Results indicated that dying patients and their caregivers had significantly higher scores than the general population did. These results are another wake-up call emphasizing the importance of supporting patients and caregivers. The average person can help patients and caregivers in several ways:

1)   Offer to assist a patient and caregiver by temporarily relieving some of their burden physically or financially.

2)   Share uplifting activities with them. Welcome their input in conversations.

3)   Keep them informed about services that can help them. Aid them in getting the services.

4)   Be a good listener and offer encouragement.

This video titled I Feel Socially Isolated: Caregiver Confessions with Leeza Gibbons gives more loneliness solutions that can benefit the patient-caregiver experience:

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Mother's Day Tribute to Mother Who Died From Alzheimer’s Disease (Video 5:07)

This post is dedicated to mothers everywhere, especially those who are living with or who have died from a terminal illness. The accompanying video is by raindancer808 from New Orleans, Louisiana. She honored her mother before she died with this Mother’s Day tribute that her mother never saw. She wrote:

“My Mom is in end stage Alzheimer's, and I wanted to do something special for her on Mother's Day.”

Honoring a Nun Who Has Alzheimer's Dementia

You can also read my tribute to a nun who positively impacted my life as a child and later developed and died from Alzheimer’s disease here:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/honoring-nun-who-has-alzheimers-frances-shani-parker?trk=mp-reader-card

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice, Long-Term Care, and Dementia Quiz

Hospice, Long-Term Care, and Dementia Quiz

What's your response to these statements?

By Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

               

1)   Death is a terrible thing.

Fact: Death is a natural part of life that everyone will experience. Accept, discuss, and prepare for becoming dead in your future.

2)   It’s always better to die at home.

Fact: “Home” can be the presence of love and comfort wherever a terminally ill patient may be. Most people die in institutions.

3)   Hospice speeds up death.

Fact: If two similar people had the same terminal illness, the one receiving hospice care would probably live longer.

4)   Pain is a natural part of aging and dying. Under-treated pain slows down the death process.

Fact: Pain medication is available to offer appropriate relief to patients. Under-treated pain worsens the process unnecessarily.

5)   Patients with dementia don’t miss visits from relatives and friends they don’t recognize.

Fact: Patients with dementia are often aware of their surroundings on some level. Loved ones should focus on patients’ current abilities and make every effort to spend quality time with them.

6)   Patients with dementia are always suffering.

Fact: Patients with dementia have varied days like everyone else. Happy memories and enriching activities can slow-dance into their realities and fill them with joy.

7)   Caregivers must only focus on their patients.

Fact: Caregivers must focus on their own care as well. They should seek supportive resources and monitor their sleep habits, irritability, and general health, always with a willingness to seek help when needed.

8)   Caregivers should not question decisions of healthcare professionals who are the experts.

Fact: Caregivers should be proactive as patient advocates. They should stay informed about patients’ symptoms, diseases, treatment purposes, and side effects.

9)   Long-term care facilities are not good places for children to visit.

Fact: Intergenerational experiences help children understand life’s passages. Children should experience opportunities that encourage them to become nurturing people, eliminate ageism stereotypes, and expose them to possible career choices.

10) Hospice work is mostly depressing.

Fact: Millions of hospice workers view their involvement with patients as privileged occasions for mutual growth and fulfillment.

© Frances Shani Parker

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice Volunteers Share Experiences (Hospice Poem, Video 3:25)

Each hospice volunteer has a unique story to tell.  This is my story poem about my hospice volunteer experiences in Detroit nursing homes:

Reflections of a Hospice Volunteer

By Frances Shani Parker 

I leave my car and walk into a world with many fates.

The people live reality where three words dominate:

“Nostalgia” brings memories that make them question why.

“Delusions” create fantasies that often come alive.

“Anticipation” beckons the beginning of each day.

A visit, party, special news, what is on the way?

Sedonia tells me stories of how life used to be.

Many things seem different now. She’s almost ninety-three.

Moochie shields unseen friends he pledges to protect.

I wonder if he sees and hears the friends he manifests.

Dexter smiles and says with pride while waiting for his son,

“All my children visit me, and each is Number One.”

Pearl yells, “I want some cake, and bring it just for me!”

She thinks that I’m employed here. She sees me every week.

An empty bed reminds me that someone else has gone.

Next week I’ll see someone new. Life’s cycle will go on.

Juan trails me through each room while planning his escape.

“I have somewhere to go,” he pleads. I stop him at the gate.

I leave this special world today with wisdom strong and rare,

Respecting every circumstance that brought each person there.

Our futures are unknown to us like roads with endless curves.

I drive away feeling good, happy that I served.

© Frances Shani Parker

Excerpt from Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Aging, Sick Dogs on a Caregiving Trip (Video 3:49)

Two years ago, I did a blog post on sick, aging dogs enjoying a life-enhancing trip. The dogs were showcased in a heartwarming video, actually a “dogumentary,” titled "Seven Days with Seven Dogs." Like an old tune with different singers, the video continues to mesmerize about terminally ill older adults of the non-human kind.

Living at a refuge similar to a canine nursing home, the dogs struggled with health challenges ranging from deafness, epilepsy, hip dysplasia, heart murmur, and a lymphatic mass on one “hospice” dog predicted to live only a few more weeks. Caregiving humans decided it was high time these canine seniors had their chance at smelling the roses we humans often have to remind ourselves to smell. A great way to do this was to take all the dogs on an adventurous trip to dog-friendly locations immersed in nature.

This video shows another application of quality caregiving with an ill, older adult population that has supported others unconditionally for years. Join this soul-stirring, dog-centered trip where floral fragrances permeate the air, where wounded spirits soar, and where we are reminded at personal levels that the best things in life are not things.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice and Nursing Homes: Granting Dying Patients’ Last Wishes (Video 2:05 mins.)

This post includes an excerpt from my book, "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.” In the last chapter, titled “Baby Boomer Haven,” a patient named Ruth takes readers on a tour of her nursing home, which is based on best practices of limited numbers of nursing homes around the country. This is how she describes the hospice wing:

“Serenity permeates everything that goes on here. Many of our hospice patients enjoy music therapy to help soothe them through various stages of their illnesses. One of our community partners finances a “Wishing Well” project for hospice patients by making a wish come true for them. Recently, a patient had a special visit from a close friend with whom he had lost track for many years. The friend’s trip was financed through the “Wishing Well” project. Two days after their heartwarming reunion, the patient died. At the family’s request, the hospice chaplain coordinated a memorial service held here in our chapel. I was one of many who paid my respects to that kind gentleman.”

© Frances Shani Parker

Granting last wishes of hospice patients is a service provided to enhance quality of life during death journeys. This video shows another example of how fulfilled wishes can enrich patients’ lives.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Perspectives on Dying from Hospice Patients and Healthcare Professionals: (Video 4:28 mins.)

Too often, I talk to adult children who haven't discussed death matters with their elderly parents. Sometimes when they try, parents won’t participate in the discussion. Most people die in institutions, and planning ahead is very important. Advance directives, wills, and other death-related documents should be completed before a crisis occurs and should be readily available.

A research study by the University of Georgia Institute of Gerontology focused on end-of-life preparations and preferences of elders and adult children of elders. Interviews were held with the two groups. The study determined that barriers to discussions about end-of-life preparation and preferences were fear of death, trust in others to make decisions, family dynamics, and uncertainty about preferences. Factors that promoted these discussions were acceptance of the reality of death, prior experience with death, religion or spirituality, and a desire to help the family.

Casually approaching end-of life discussions and creating written records of preparation and preferences were considered successful strategies for expanding communication on this sensitive topic. Knowing good solutions to overcome obstacles and promote these discussions can assist healthcare professionals in encouraging elders and their families in planning ahead.

What are the needs of the dying? How can the end of life be integrated as a natural and sacred human process? This video titled “Solace: Wisdom of the Dying” presents perspectives on dying from hospice patients and healthcare professionals.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog