2008 Post-Katrina Elderly Deaths and New Orleans Healthcare Services (Video 4:30 mins.)

The third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina’s impact on New Orleans, my hometown, arrives with continuing concerns about the elderly and healthcare services in the city.

The journal “Disaster Medicine and Public Health Preparedness” reports the following statistics regarding elderly deaths and Hurricane Katrina:

1. Most Louisiana deaths resulting from Hurricane Katrina were in New Orleans. According to researchers, of the nearly 1,000 who died, almost half were age 75 or older. Keep in mind that even more deaths were indirectly related to the storm.

2. Most elderly persons drowned on the day of the flooding, and more than a third died at home. Many old people refused to abandon their homes, due to potential looting, fear of the unknown, and the possibility that hurricane warnings were a false alarm.

Three years after Hurricane Katrina, the people of New Orleans are still waiting for adequate healthcare services. Even though flooding only occurred in the basement of the famous Charity Hospital, the second-largest hospital in the nation and a primary trauma center, the hospital still remains closed in 2008.

The basement had been cleaned up and ready to reopen in October of 2005, but that never happened. Unresolved issues over plans to build a newer hospital continue to delay progress. To build a new hospital would take years and millions of dollars. Charity Hospital stands empty, while many people must rely heavily on free health clinics or wait in long lines to be seen at smaller remaining hospitals, while their health deteriorates.

This video examines the healthcare crisis in New Orleans.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Impact of Hospice-Palliative Care Service on Volunteers (Sarah House Video 4:45 mins.)

People sometimes make untrue assumptions about hospice-palliative care volunteers. A common one is that we are all depressed saints. They probably say this because death in our society has so much sadness surrounding it. The truth is that most of us don’t find hospice volunteering depressing at all. I know it has made me a better person.

Recent research made me consider more specific ways that volunteering impacts lives of direct-patient care volunteers. Results were gathered through in-depth interviews. These are some of the findings:

1) Over half of the participants became volunteers because of previous death experiences with friends or family.

2) Most volunteers said they had been changed, that their outlook on life had changed, and that they learned the importance of living one day at a time.

3) Volunteers found ways to prevent compassion fatigue or burnout.

4) Volunteers said they would encourage others to volunteer.

5) Many volunteers offered suggestions for changing their programs.

Only 23 volunteers were interviewed for this study. I would have preferred that there were more. However, I think these five general findings can still be applied to a broad section of volunteers. Differences in demographics, culture, personalities, etc. would be more evident during discussions of specifics, particularly regarding numbers 3 and 5. Discussion among volunteers and their managers about these kinds of issues and more provide the open communication that enriches the workplace culture.

You can read more here about this study reported in the “American Journal of Hospice Palliative Care.”

This video features Sarah House, a "social model" hospice dedicated to end-of-life care for homeless and low-income residents, including those with AIDS who may or may not be near death. Sarah House is located in Santa Barbara, California.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Nursing Home Culture Change: Working with State Regulators (Pioneer Network Video 2:36 mins.)

Many people don’t plan to live their last days in nursing homes. However, with over 37 million Americans over the age of 65, a large segment of them will live and die in nursing homes. Culture change, which focuses on living life with dignity, can include the following:

1) Flexible Schedules

Everybody doesn’t have to eat, sleep, and bathe at the same times.

2) Intergenerational Activities

Relationships between children and the elderly are encouraged. The unique, beneficial exchanges that take place in this context are lacking too often in today’s society.

3) Interactions with Animals

Appropriate animals provide companionship and improved health.

4) Independent and Social Activities

Nursing home residents feel respected when their input is welcome regarding activities they can do independently. They also appreciate social activities that keep them connected with others.

There are several models of culture change for nursing homes. They all respect and incorporate input from residents and staff members in such areas as decision-making and scheduling. The Household Model is a product of the Pioneer Movement. Small groups of residents form households resembling "homes" where they have opportunities to develop quality relationships in a calm environment.

In this Pioneer Network video, Steve Shields describes how his organization approached working with state regulators to remodel an existing nursing home into the Household Model.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Service-Learning, Schools, and Nursing Homes: Intergenerational Partnerships (Video 3:30 mins.)

This excerpt is from my book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes, which includes a chapter titled “School-Nursing Home Partnership:"

“The most effective learning usually does not come from classroom lectures or always translate on standardized tests. I witnessed academic and affective growth by students as a direct result of their interactions with the elderly. Growth occurred when the two groups became involved in meaningful projects such as letter writing, storytelling, biography writing, arts and crafts, and performing arts. This excellent educational approach to teaching and learning that connects classroom learning with meeting community needs is called service-learning. Research shows that students derive many benefits in areas of academic achievement, enthusiasm for learning, caring for others, and greater civic and political engagement through involvement in service learning."

When I was a teacher, I took students on service-learning field trips to nursing homes. Students practiced educational skills, showcased their talents, and provided entertainment and companionship to residents. Residents also benefited from these exchanges. Our trips came about after extensive preparation between the intergenerational partners and included ongoing reflection and evaluation.

I encouraged schoolwide service learning with all staff and students. We became a national model for research-based, schoolwide service-learning. You can read research our fourth graders did in partnership with nursing home residents on ageism stereotypes here: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/intergenerational-service-learning-student-nursing-home-parker?trk=mp-author-card

What is service-learning in practice? This Better TV video defines service-learning and explains how it is used by schools and community groups to improve communities and promote positive development in young people.

Note: Winner of the National Service-Learning Partnership Trailblazer Award, Frances Shani Parker, a national consultant and former school principal, has been instrumental in implementing service-learning in school districts across the country. Her book includes a chapter on intergenerational partnerships between schools and nursing homes.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice and Nursing Home Poem: Hospice Volunteer Reflections

Over 400,000 hospice volunteers across America enhance life in patients’ days. This poem is from my book "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes,” which includes an original poem after each chapter:

Reflections of a Hospice Volunteer

I leave my car and walk into a world with many fates.
The people live reality where three words dominate:
“Nostalgia” brings memories that make them question why.
“Delusions” create fantasies that often come alive.
“Anticipation” beckons the beginning of each day.
A visit, party, special news⎯what is on the way?

Sedonia tells me stories of how life used to be.
Many things seem different now. She’s almost ninety-three.
Moochie shields unseen friends he pledges to protect.
I wonder if he sees and hears the friends he manifests.

Dexter smiles and says with pride while waiting for his son,
“All my children visit me, and each is Number One.”
Pearl yells, “I want some cake, and bring it just for me!”
She thinks that I’m employed here. She sees me every week.

An empty bed reminds me that someone else has gone.
Next week, I’ll see someone new. Life’s cycle will go on.
Juan trails me through each room while planning his escape.
“I have somewhere to go,” he pleads. I stop him at the gate.

I leave this special world today with wisdom strong and rare,
Respecting every circumstance that brought each person there.
Our futures are unknown to us like roads with endless curves.
I drive away feeling good, happy that I served.

© Frances Shani Parker


You can hear me reciting this poem on YouTube.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Alzheimer’s Disease: Research on Hispanics, African Americans, and Whites (Caregiver Video 2:48 mins.)

Alzheimer’s disease has both similarities and differences in knowledge, awareness, and cultural beliefs among groups defined by race and ethnicity. This has been documented in research by the University of Michigan School of Public Health in Ann Arbor, MI.

For example, both African American and Hispanic respondents tend to believe that Alzheimer’s disease is a normal part of aging. These groups were more optimistic about future research advances than whites were. On the other hand, more than whites and African Americans, Hispanics were more likely to report feeling well-prepared for handling a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease in a family member. In general, the research results support the need for more public education about the disease.

In this video titled “Extended Interview with Alzheimer's Caregiver, Ric Gomez,” an Hispanic caregiver, who quit his job so he could take care of his father, speaks honestly about ongoing challenges and good times they experience. His father is in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s disease.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Sexuality, Hospice-Palliative Care and Senior Citizens (Video: 3:56 mins.)

Like death, sex is another American taboo that many people avoid discussing, particularly when it relates to senior citizens. Including palliative or hospice care in the discussion can be even more difficult. Inaccurate stereotypes often surface during sexuality conversations. Why is an old man interested in sex called a “dirty old man,” but an interested young man isn’t? Why do people think the elderly outgrow all their sexual desires? Sex doesn’t belong to youth, and safe sex practices belong to all ages.

Living with terminal illness can be traumatic to patients’ sexual well-being. Communication is critical for making good sexual adjustments during this vulnerable time. Professional help can often make this transition easier. According to the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, there is a place for sexuality, depending on patients’ conditions, during a terminal illness. Health professionals should acknowledge and support patients’ desires to function sexually within their abilities. In fact, health professionals should initiate this discussion.

Seniors who are not terminally ill should also have their sexuality recognized and accepted. Dr. Myrtle Wilhite, medical director of A Woman’s Touch Sexuality Resources, does this by teaching a sexuality class for seniors. She says she teaches them the same things she teaches nurses. Whether it’s technique, anatomy, and everything else in between, she makes sure they leave with all the information she can give them to enjoy their sexuality, including tips on what to do when sex doesn’t work out right.

As one senior stated, “I still enjoy hearing about sex and all that.” Now, if we can just get more seniors and others to say, “I enjoy hearing about death and all that.” Hopefully, millions of baby boomers will make that statement a common one in the near future.

This video gives a classroom view of the senior sexuality class.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many online and offline booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble online stores.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice and Nursing Homes: Granting Dying Patients’ Last Wishes (Video 2:05 mins.)

This post includes an excerpt from my book, "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.” In the last chapter, titled “Baby Boomer Haven,” a patient named Ruth takes readers on a tour of her nursing home, which is based on best practices of limited numbers of nursing homes around the country. This is how she describes the hospice wing:

“Serenity permeates everything that goes on here. Many of our hospice patients enjoy music therapy to help soothe them through various stages of their illnesses. One of our community partners finances a “Wishing Well” project for hospice patients by making a wish come true for them. Recently, a patient had a special visit from a close friend with whom he had lost track for many years. The friend’s trip was financed through the “Wishing Well” project. Two days after their heartwarming reunion, the patient died. At the family’s request, the hospice chaplain coordinated a memorial service held here in our chapel. I was one of many who paid my respects to that kind gentleman.”

© Frances Shani Parker

Granting last wishes of hospice patients is a service provided to enhance quality of life during death journeys. This video shows another example of how fulfilled wishes can enrich patients’ lives.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Nursing Home Technology: Aibo, the Robotic Dog, Eases Loneliness (Video 1:53 mins.)

I first read about Aibo, Sony’s robotic dog, in 2006 when it was being tested in nursing homes. I was so impressed with the pleasing possibilities this little charmer could bring to patients, especially lonely ones, that I included robotic dogs in my book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. In the chapter titled Baby Boomer Haven, in which an imaginary tour of a nursing home based on current best practices is described, I say this:

“Watch out for Diva Dog over there, one of several resident pets. She’s just looking you over to make sure you look her over. In her spare time, she’s a certified psychologist. For residents who prefer the convenience of a responsive robotic pet, we have two mechanical dogs that operate with artificial intelligence. They provide playful companionship without the need for feeding, walking, and cleaning up after them. The best part about the mechanical dogs is that the more residents interact with them, the more responsive the dogs become to the residents. All the animals here are like our extended family. For some of us, they are our only family.”

After that testing period, Aibo disappeared, but a few months ago, I was glad to hear strong rumors about an Aibo resurrection. The new Aibo will have downloadable personalities. It will be fully Wi-Fi controllable and able to climb stairs. Referred to as Aibo PS (PlayStation), this mechanical dog awakens itself, senses sounds and motion, and pings e-mail. Wagging its tail, Aibo also bleeps with pleasure when petted, responds to several commands, and enjoys the company of others like a living dog would.

During seven weeks of tests at three nursing homes, researchers compared how residents interacted with Sparky, a living mid-sized dog, and Aibo. According to Dr. William Banks, professor of geriatric medicine at Saint Louis University, “The most surprising thing is they (robotic dogs) worked almost equally well in alleviating loneliness and causing residents to form attachments.” To that I say, “Good dog, Aibo!” You can read more about this nursing home experiment with Aibo at  “Medical News Today” website.

Meet the amazing Aibo:

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Children Talk About Grandparents and Dementia, Alzheimer's Disease (Video 6:30 mins.)

Dementia refers to a group of conditions that gradually destroy brain cells and lead to mental decline. Many conditions can cause dementia, but Alzheimer’s (Ahlz-high-merz) disease is the leading cause. Most people who have the disease are over sixty-five, with eighty being the average age of diagnosis.

So often, we hear about responses of adults regarding parents with dementia. But what is dementia like through the eyes of grandchildren? Imagine their emotions when a loved one forgets their names and can’t remember the relationship they have. What about the hurt feelings children experience when an agitated grandparent with dementia strikes out at them verbally or physically and they’ve done nothing to cause this?

Dementia must be explained to children in age-appropriate ways that can support them in their adjustments to the dementia of a grandparent. Listening to children’s concerns and encouraging them to express them are important. Family discussions can be helpful for everyone.

Parents should be aware of changes in children’s behavior at home and school. Children need reassurances that they are not the cause of a grandparent’s mood swings, that they are still loved by the grandparent who has an illness that sometimes interferes with the expression of that love. They should be reminded of the many good times in the past that they shared with a grandparent.

In this video, children talk about their experiences of having grandparents with dementia.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Nursing Home Sex Offenders: Predators Living with Prey (Video 6:05 mins.)

Virginia Thurston, almost eighty years old and suffering from dementia, was sexually assaulted by another resident in her Jacksonville, Florida nursing home. The rapist, who had been sent to the home after being found homeless, had a twenty-page criminal record that included sexual assault and child molestation. A judge had declared him vulnerable and in need of protective care.

Unfortunately, most nursing homes are only required to do criminal background checks on employees. Residents with criminal records can be assigned to nursing homes with no one knowing their dangerous histories. Wes Bledsoe, an elder rights advocate, says he has tracked over 1600 sex offenders living in nursing homes. Most homes do not impose different supervision or separation requirements on residents who are known sex offenders.

The man who raped Virginia Thurston was found incompetent to stand trial and placed in a state home. What about all the other predators who remain? While some say that knowledge of residents’ criminal history does not determine their current conditions, others say sexual offenders should be in separate nursing home facilities. Oklahoma is the first state that takes registered sex offenders requiring long-term care out of standard nursing homes. In the meantime, caregivers must be vigilant in checking their patients for signs of emotional or physical abuse and personality changes. They should also be proactive in dealing with nursing home safety measures, including behavioral and physical patient assessments.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Eden Alternative for Nursing Homes (Video 6:52 mins.)

The following includes an excerpt from my book, "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.” The chapter titled “Baby Boomer Haven” takes readers on a tour through an imaginary nursing home based on best practices of some, but not nearly enough, nursing homes that exist today. Animals and children are important additions to culture change of many nursing homes that are moving away from the stereotypical, traditional model.

“Watch out for Diva Dog over there, one of several resident pets. She’s just looking you over to make sure you look her over. In her spare time, she’s a certified psychologist. Other indoor animals on the site are located in our aviaries of brightly colored birds and in our aquariums with fish that mesmerize us with their antics. We have more animals outdoors such as horses and rabbits. It’s fascinating watching how all of our animals relate. They’re a lot like people, you know, and have much more sense than we think they do.

Employees seem to love working here as much as we love living here. Most have years of seniority, and hardly anybody is ever absent. Low staff turnover saves considerable money in overtime and in hiring temporary help. Two things all employees like are our flexible scheduling and childcare on the premises. This allows them to personalize their time and accomplish more at home and at work with fewer worries. If you look to your left through the window of the childcare center, you can see two employees having lunch with their children. The older gentleman is a resident reading to a small group. I love spending time with the little ones. I jokingly call them my little “ankle biters” when they aren’t around. Some of them call me, “Grandma,” and a few like to say “Big Mama,” which really tickles me because that’s what I called my grandmother.”

© Frances Shani Parker

There are several models of culture change for nursing homes. This video examines an approach known as the Eden Alternative.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice Book Review by Dr. Peter A. Lichtenberg: Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

Hospice Book Review: Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Author: Frances Shani Parker
Book Reviewer: Dr. Peter A. Lichtenberg, Director, Institute of Gerontology, Wayne State University, Detroit, Michigan

Frances Shani Parker makes death and the dying a vivid part of life in her book Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes. Ms. Parker describes the beginning of her journey into the world of hospice in the early chapters, engaging us in stories about men she knew who had HIV/AIDS and were dying. Her writing is excellent, and we see these men as whole individuals and not just as people dying. Ms. Parker brings her extraordinary gift of being able to see the many aspects of a person even when often these are covered up by pain, disease, or dementia.

Part One of the book contains many stories of people and her experiences with them in nursing home settings. Ms. Parker astutely observes the challenges of nursing home staff as well and eloquently writes some of their stories. Ultimately, we are treated in this first section to Ms. Parker’s love and compassion for those she serves and her humility in serving them. Her writing is tinged with profound respect for the individuals she worked with and helped. Each chapter closes with her lessons learned and her own poetry, much of which is compelling.

In Part Two, Ms. Parker broadens her book and gives advice and resources for the problems of caregiving, funerals, bereavement, hospice, and her dream for the future: Baby Boomer Haven. This part of the book is full of useful guides and facts, which will benefit all people caring for a loved one.

Ms. Parker was a school principal by profession. That title conjures up images of authority and power. It is thus striking that this book brings the stories of urban elders to the fore. Poverty, which so often makes people invisible, is not ignored here, but the stories of the human struggle, fear, kindnesses, and hopes predominate. This may be Ms. Parker’s greatest gift to her readers: bringing to life people and events that are indeed so often invisible. This book is truly a gift. The writing is eloquent and powerful, and the stories are instructive and lasting. After finishing this book, I wanted to do more for other individuals who are dying, for as Ms. Parker so clearly imparts, the dying teach us so much about living well.
____________________________________________________

Praise for Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes from Roger Woodruff, Director of Palliative Care, International Association for Hospice and Palliative Care, Austin Health, Melbourne, Australia

"A school principal and hospice volunteer, Frances Shani Parker relates her experiences with dying people in nursing homes. The second part of the book is about what we as individuals and as a society must do to improve things for those who are dying. I particularly enjoyed the guided tour, conducted from a wheelchair, of Baby Boomer Haven."

____________________________________________________

"I have been working in the hospice industry full time for several years and I have not seen a better depiction of this topic. Ms. Parker's book gives the most descriptive and genuine look into the true nature of hospice. Most people don't truly know the many benefits of hospice. Ms. Parker's book is informative, straightforward, factual, and timely. I think her book should be used for training in hospice courses and within hospice organizations across the country."

Stephanie Bowden, Palliative Care Liaison

"Frances Shani Parker used to be a school principal. Then she became a hospice volunteer and has written about her experiences in nursing homes. I received a copy of her book and it is excellent. I recommend it to anyone who works in a hospice setting, and for all CNA’s as well. I will venture to ask that DON’s and Administrators have a look too. Sometimes people in higher places at nursing homes forget some of Frances’ important lessons."

Patti Green, Co-Writer of CNA Blog Titled Nursing Assistant Resources on the Web

____________________________________________________

Endorsements:

Alice Hedt - Director, National Citizens Coalition for Nursing Home Reform
Karyne Jones - President, National Caucus and Center on Black Aged
Dr. Naomi Long Madgett – Editor, Publisher, Poet Laureate of Detroit, Michigan
Dr. James C. Kielsmeir - President, National Youth Leadership Council (Chapter on Intergenerational Partnerships)
Nelda Brown - Executive Director, National Service-Learning Partnership at the Academy for Educational Development (Chapter on Intergenerational Partnerships)

___________________________________________________

You can view excerpts from Becoming Dead Right here, including a video poem with over 23,700 views.

You can read another review of the book here by Dr. Naomi Long Madgett - Editor, Publisher and Poet Laureate of Detroit, Michigan

__________________________________________________

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback and e-book editions in America and other countries at online and offline booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Nurses’ Perceptions of Hospice-Palliative Care Volunteers

What do you think surveyed nurses' perceptions would be about hospice-palliative care volunteers? The “American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care” reports results of such a survey:

1) Nurses attitudes and what they know about hospice-palliative care volunteers

As a hospice volunteer myself, I have found nurses in general to have positive feelings toward volunteers. Like nursing assistants, many nurses feel volunteers make their jobs easier. Survey results confirm this. However, nurses rated the value of nurses, family members, doctors, and pharmacists significantly higher than volunteers.

Regarding the training of volunteers, 73% of the nurses indicated that they were not sure or did not know what topics were covered, indicating a lack of knowledge about what volunteers are taught.

2) Tasks nurses felt volunteers should perform

The surveys revealed that 53% of the nurses felt that volunteers should know patient medical information, and 77% thought that volunteers should have the opportunity to provide input regarding patient care. In addition, 56% felt that volunteers should be included in team meetings.

Did these results surprise you or did you expect them? You can read more here about this survey on nurses' perceptions of hospice-palliative care volunteers.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Children as Caregivers: A Hidden National Problem (Video 2:54 mins.)

Most of us are aware of the millions of unpaid adult caregivers in America. But did you know that 1.4 million children, some as young as eight years old, are also caregivers? Most of their disabled or sick patients, usually parents or grandparents, have Alzheimer’s disease or cancer. Because these young people take on complex responsibilities early in life, they often miss experiences that most children take for granted. Sleepovers and after-school activities can be difficult when an ill loved one needs caregivng available at home. This problem is particularly prevalent in minority communities and among low to mid-income families.

A government study based on two national surveys by Mathew Greenwald and Associates reports that caregiving for young people can include, not only feeding, dressing, and medicating, but also toileting, bathing, and changing adult diapers. It is not unusual for these children to miss school in order to perform their caregiving duties. The emotional stress they carry can be even more harmful to them than the physical burdens. They are also more likely to be anxious and depressed.

You can view this video that gives more information about this seldom discussed problem of children serving as caregivers with adult responsibilities.

Frances Shani Parker, Author

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes is available in paperback at many booksellers and in e-book form at Amazon and Barnes and Noble booksellers.

Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice and Nursing Homes: Loneliness and Being Remembered (Video 3:57 mins.)

The following includes an excerpt from my book, "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.” This chapter titled “Love Food” explores the importance of being remembered and other nourishment patients need to feel whole.

“Everybody at the senior citizen center asks about you all the time,” I read aloud to Jeannine (pseudonym) from a letter she had received earlier that week. “We still meet every week to play bridge and gossip. It’s not the same without you. People say you were the best bridge player. These days, even I’m winning games. Last week, we had our annual spring party. The last time you came, the two of us ate most of the cookies and didn’t feel embarrassed at all (smile). We sure had some good times together.”

Jeannine stopped me to explain everything, just in case I hadn’t understood what I had read. “See, I learned how to play bridge a long time ago when hardly anybody I knew was playing. My friend Laura taught me because she needed a partner to play with her. I learned as a favor to her and to make new friends. I guess I caught on fast. Next thing I knew, I was teaching her a few things. I remember eating those cookies, too. And they were delicious. We played pranks all the time. We were just a bunch of overgrown kids having a ball cracking jokes whenever we got together.”

Jeannine had been going to the center for sixteen years. Now, she was in a nursing home away from the buffet of fun they had created. But none of that mattered today. What mattered was that they still cared about her, and she had this cherished letter to prove it. She experienced a mental feast of enjoyment. I smiled, knowing her satisfaction was caused by something she had eaten, something called love food.”

© Frances Shani Parker

This video explores a patient's loneliness and the importance of being remembered.

Frances Shani Parker
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Terminal Illness: A Mother’s Day Tribute (Video 5:07 mins.)

This post is dedicated to mothers everywhere, especially those who are living with or have died from a terminal illness. The accompanying video is by raindancer808, whose hometown is New Orleans, Louisiana. Honoring her mother with this Mother’s Day tribute, she writes:

“My Mom is in end stage Alzheimer's, and I wanted to do something special for her on this Mother's Day. Even though she will never see this video, it is my way of honoring her, and spreading the message that Alzheimer's is a cruel and fatal disease. For more information, please go to this Alzheimer's Web site."

Click here to view a Mother’s Day tribute.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

"Young@Heart" Movie Review: A Hospice Volunteer's Perspective (Video 2:12 mins.)

I had been waiting to view “Young@Heart” for several weeks. I heard it was an excellent documentary about a spirited chorus of music-loving senior citizens. Averaging eighty years in age, they thrill worldwide audiences everywhere they perform, including in prison. In the movie, viewers accompany them during a series of rehearsals in preparation for an upcoming show.

Unfamiliar with punk or rock and roll music, chorus members struggle to sing new songs, while dealing with personal challenges and the death of two members during one week. Somehow they squeeze sweetness from every moment with friendship and commitment. Songs like “Should I Stay or Should I Go,” “I Feel Good,” and “Fix You,” the hands-down tearjerker of the day, wrap us in nostalgia, strengthen us with wisdom, and warm us with the creative power of music.

Their bodies may be old, but their hearts are wrinkle-free. Should you stay or should you go? Go. Experience these seniors' moving transformation and your own. Be inspired and entertained by this amazing tribute to aging, life, and death. View the "Young@Heart” movie trailer here.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Hospice Volunteer and Nursing Home Poem: Staff Shortage ("Living Colors")

My book "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes” includes an original poem after each chapter (16).

A previous post dealt with the widespread vision problems of residents in nursing homes and the negative impact poor eyesight has in patients’ lives. Many of these vision problems could be corrected if residents regularly received basic eye care.

This poem was inspired by one of my elderly hospice patients who had dementia and poor eyesight. She needed assistance to eat, but there was a staff shortage at the nursing home that day. Using her fingers, she started feeding herself. I arrived to find her with food smeared around her mouth. After wondering what that experience might have been like for her, I wrote this poem:

Living Colors

A nursing home room
serves as your dining place.
Colors on a supper plate
charm century-old eyes.
Green, brown, white form
an aromatic rainbow
of bygone days that nourish,
thrill you with their stories.

When no one helps you eat,
you reach with forklike fingers.
Green tastes like memories
of grass tickling childhood toes.
Taste buds savor brownness
of a mahogany man who
hungered for your love.
Handfuls of August clouds
whisk you to a picnic,
hint at mashed potatoes.

A volunteer, I arrive to see
your smile smeared with dreams.
Each morsel of remembrance
has fed your starving mind.
Anchored in reality of meals
with special meanings,
your appetite is satisfied
with colors from the past.

© Frances Shani Parker


You can hear me read "Living Colors" with graphics on YouTube.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
“Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog”

 

Hospice Volunteer and Nursing Home Story: Dying to Die (Video 4:28 mins.)

This post includes an excerpt from my book, "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.”

Are you ready to die? It’s something we all will do. Each person has a choice about how to respond to the inevitable. Many people assume that nobody really wants to die, but I have known several hospice patients who looked forward to death. Take Bella (pseudonym), for instance. She said she was all ready to go to heaven, but she kept putting it off because she wanted her death ritual and other plans to be just right.

“I won’t be here when you come next week. I’ll be in heaven. You can call ahead if you want to be sure I’m not here. That way you won’t make a trip for nothing,” she warned me.

“Thanks for telling me, Bella. I’ll just come anyway and see for myself,” I responded like it was the most normal thing in the world. In recent weeks, whenever I left from visiting her, Bella said it was the last time I would see her. She said she would be dead before I returned the following week.

When I returned and she was still alive, I’d say, “Well I guess you changed your mind about dying this week.” Bella always had a good excuse. Sometimes she didn’t want to miss some festive activity like the annual Christmas party at the nursing home. But most times, it was for practical reasons like getting funeral, burial, and other after-death plans in order. She wanted her children to clean her house thoroughly, so relatives and friends could go there to fellowship after her funeral. Cleaning entailed sorting and packing clothes for charity. There were several other tasks beyond actual dirt removal. Her various excuses for not dying continued for months.

Bella even invited me to join her on her death journey. She said it might be more fun if we went to heaven together. I declined this invitation by explaining it just wasn’t my time. Besides, she already had a bunch of people there waiting for her.

But one day, Bella’s warning came true. I received the hospice phone call saying she had died. I smiled to myself and said, “Good for you, Bella! You finally did it!"

What about you? Are you having death conversations that will help you and others prepare for death? Do you think about what death really means to you as a patient, a caregiving relative, or a healthcare professional? This video encourages us to have more of these conversations and prepare for our own and others’ deaths. Using the “D” word is long overdue.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog

Nursing Home Culture Change: The Green House Project (Video 7:33 mins.)

What makes a nursing home really feel like home? That’s a major theme for culture change in nursing homes. Think about how you live in your own homes, and it’s easy to figure out what most nursing home residents want. Cedars Nursing Home in Tupelo, Mississippi is a Green House Project alternative to traditional nursing home living that has put the “home” back in nursing home.

With the intention of developing Green House homes with long-term care organizations around the country, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation provides grant funding for the Green House model on a national level. At the Green House Project, life in a traditional nursing home has been reinvented. Residents, living in cottages of ten, thrive as families in homes built to blend in with the neighborhood. They add their personal decorating touches, greet the day when they feel like it, plan menus, and eat with the staff. Mealtimes prepared in an open kitchen are unhurried and socially rewarding.

Each elder has a private room and bath with easy access to all areas of the home. Nursing assistants (CNA’s), referred to as “shahbazes” focus on nurturing, sustaining, and protecting residents. Assistance residents receive doesn’t interfere with their independence. View this video of a Green House Project home where home really is sweet.

Frances Shani Parker, Author
"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog